Dear Anonymous Man Behind This Blog Post:
Where do I even begin? It would be easy for me to get angry at you for giving infertility a bad rep, but I feel like this is too simple. Getting angry because you sought infertility treatment and then slapped everyone in the face who has ever wanted children and couldn't have them with your words is just an easy out for me. I could also be angry with you because you're a bad parent. You not only lament over the fact that your son is, in so many words, a whiner who still wakes up at night, you call him the "free one." That's lovely. Do you say this to his face? Then, there is the fact that you're a horrible future parent, as well. Wishing one of your sons would have a birth defect so that you could terminate? Getting upset because you will have three boys and no girls?
Honestly, I could go on for days about the obvious reasons that make me angry with your words, but I think what might make me most angry is your ego. You are, quite possibly, the most selfish person I've ever come across. I have never met you and I have no clue who you are, so this is saying a lot. How do I know you're selfish? For starters, you seem to put this on your wife. "Your wife" is pregnant. "Your wife" is expecting twins. It takes two to tango - even if it involves a specimen cup in between. You both made this decision together. You chose to spend the money and undergo IVF, even understanding that twins were a possibility. Your wife didn't do this alone.
You compare yourself to a cancer patient with months to live, when in fact you have a beautiful life ahead of you. As someone who has struggled with infertility, you of all people should know this. Infertility is what's supposed to feel like a death sentence - not being blessed with twins. No, parenting isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but it sure beats the hell out of wanting to become a parent and being unable to. Feel lucky, and understand that there are thousands of other couples who would kill to be in your shoes.
You imply that your health comes before your child's. It makes me question the reason you became a parent in the first place, if you are willing to put yourself before your own son. It makes me wonder what kind of environment these boys will grow up in, where their parents don't truly appreciate them and where their mom and dad have, in a sense, publicly stated that they aren't happy with parenthood. No wonder you chose not to publish your real name on the byline. You not only knew that you would catch hell for your words, but perhaps you didn't want your children to someday come to realize what kind of person you truly are: a coward.
And then there is this line: "Sure, in 10 years I could have close to a starting five of super-athletic, NBA-hopeful alpha males living under my roof smelling up the joint." Regardless of whether your boys grow up to be star athletes or construction workers, you should love and appreciate their existence just the same. Appreciate not only that you will have children when others can't, but that they are healthy when so many of us have children who deal with illness and disability. That the universe has given you lives to raise and put out into society (God help us).
So please, take a step back and reexamine yourself. This (life) is not all about you anymore. It's about your sons. Lock it up. Take responsibility. Accept the hand you were dealt. Then? Move forward. It's time to stop being the selfish little boy you portray your son to be and start being the man you are supposed to be.
A Not-So-Anonymous Infertile and Mother