A few people commented to me about Monday's post that my line "This will be our only child . . ." jumped out at them.
"You don't plan on having another?" seems to be the question these days. (Yes, even now as Miss K has barely reached the four-month mark and we are still waiting for finalization.)
The short answer is no. We don't plan on having another.
When we started trying to grow our family, I had a plan. A vision. Most of us do. I wanted two kids, maybe three. I wanted to space them out so that they would only be, at most, three years apart. I wanted a boy, and then a girl, so that our daughter would have an older brother. Something I always wanted.
Looking back, I think it's funny how we paint these pictures in our heads of how things will be. I don't know about some of you, but my imaginary family building started early on - way before Joey was in the picture. We plan our lives: how many kids we have, what their names will be, what they will look like, etc.
And then when our dream doesn't become reality, we throw it away. We ban all of that fairy-tale nonsense, and we focus instead on getting that ONE healthy, living child.
The dream is dead. My dream. I can't put my finger on an exact time or date, but it's been dead for a while, and I have no intention of bringing it back.
The last four years, we have tirelessly worked toward becoming parents. Our entire marriage, that's all we've done. Now that we've achieved our goal, we want to do something we've neglected a little bit over these last four years: live our lives. We want to travel, and bring Miss K with us on our adventures. We want to bring back all of the happiness that faded away with infertility. We want to be able to have fun.
I used to worry about having an only child. I worried about socialization. Not having enough entertainment. Not being grounded. But now I realize that it's my job to take care of these things - not the job of a sibling. Daycare already gives her plenty of socialization and entertainment. She has cousins and friends that she will be able to interact with as she gets older. And while she'll certainly be spoiled to an extent (she already is), we will also make sure that she has realistic expectations about life.
Is part of me disappointed that my original dream of having a big family won't become reality? Maybe. But I can't imagine going through everything all over again, both emotionally and financially. I don't want to drain our souls or our bank account for the sake of another child.
Instead we are going to focus on giving Miss K - and our little family - the best life possible.