Lately, I've been trying to think back and reflect on why I wanted to be a mom in the first place. Is it because I thought I would be a good parent? Is it because Joey and I had love to give and share? Why did each of us set out to become mothers?
Somewhere along the way, I learned that, for certain women, being a mom was more than just love and good parenting. It was bragging rights. It was being a part of some elite club of special people who sit at home and wipe poop and vomit all day. It was being able to talk about inappropriate things like sore nipples and c-section scars with others who cared and understood. It was being able to tell people, "You wouldn't understand. You aren't a mom."
I'm not sure where or how or why things become so mixed up along the way. But they do.
I see it start to happen when people get pregnant. Some slowly alienate their non-pregnant friends because they want to surround themselves with people who understand, because nothing could quite possible be more important than carrying a child. Then, when their child is born, it gets worse because they aren't surrounded by adults all day. They are 100 percent occupied with their child. They live, sleep, and breath baby. So, naturally, that's all they have left to talk about. They further cut out the non-moms in their lives because how could someone who has never had children possibly sympathize with them.
I'm not saying that all moms do this. But I see it more often than I'd like.
Being a mom? It's not about being in some stupid little club that makes you cooler than all of your other friends. It's about raising someone to be a productive member of society. Someone who is going to go out into the world one day and put his or her thumbprint on it. Someone who you can share your love, values, dreams, and ideals with. It's about teaching that person what's right and what's wrong. And let me tell you what's wrong. It's wrong to alienate people because they didn't grow and birth a child. Growing and birthing a child does not make you a superhero or super cool, even. It's what comes after that makes you those things. It's everything that comes after - how you raise that child, yes, but also how you manage to maintain yourself after that point. Putting people down in the process because they haven't experienced what you've experienced certainly doesn't set a great example for your children. Particularly if you have a daughter. I know I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking that the only important thing she can do in life is become a mom. Do I?
No. I don't. I've promised myself that I won't become one of those women. I won't get so wrapped up in being a mom that I lose track of who I am or what being a mom means. You know, the REAL important parts.
Like teaching my kids that no one person is more important or more special than the other.
I think people royally confused a few points on this post that I'd like to clarify:
Having your child become your life is not the problem. The problem is when you lead other people to think they are insignificant in the process. There is nothing wrong with being obsessed with your baby. I know I will be. But when the relationships around you suffer because that's all you can care about or focus on? Yes, I find that to be a problem.
I do realize that the street runs both ways, and that there are instances where childless friends are the ones who back away. I know I've done it in the past. But that's not what I'm upset about, so I'm not going to talk about that in my space. It's not a requirement here that I discuss both sides. That's the beauty of being a blogger: I only have to write about my feelings, not yours.
I also realize that not all moms are this way. I wrote "some" several times. So please, if you took offense to it, take a step back and realize that unless you've had a Facebook status end up on the site STFU, Parents or you've told me lately "You don't get it because your not a mom," I'm probably not writing about you. (And no, I wasn't writing about someone in particular to begin with.)
My final point on this subject is a non-point: I'm not going to address the anonymous comment. I have no interest in engaging in conversation with someone who wants to throw out insults and hide behind their anonymity.