Monday, April 18, 2011

it happened

I had to go to the ER this morning.

Actually, I didn't need to go. But Joey made an executive decision and booted my ass out the door and into the car.

Luckily, this ER experience was nothing like the one I had in October. We went to a different hospital. I got a bed (in a private room!) right away. But not everything was different from October.

It was another rupture. This time is was a follicle . . . on my RIGHT ovary.

Yes. That nurse practitioner from my gynecologist's office? The one who swore I needed to be tested for IC, a BLADDER condition? She gets the Darwin award, and she also got a nice voicemail message when I was released from the hospital earlier this afternoon. (No, really. I was nice, considering the circumstances.)

I'm supposed to hear back from the doctor tomorrow about switching my treatment plan, since this one is obviously not working. He was out today. I'll stay with him for now, mostly because I don't want to see a seventh doctor in three years about my lady parts, but I made perfectly clear in my call to that office that I expect an apology AND better treatment next time I come to them in pain.

I managed to laugh a lot today - despite everything - but I'd be lying if I told you I felt good inside. I don't.

At the beginning of the year, I was so depressed. I didn't think I could get any lower. But I don't think I've felt as low as I do in this moment. No one understands. I have no friends to talk to. It feels like I'm going to slip under the waves at any second and sink to the bottom.

HOW can I fight this and still manage to stay afloat?

42 comments:

Nichole Kelly said...

I just want you to know that I am thinking about you! I know that it is hard to stay afloat, I am there with you, I have been battling many health issue this year and staying afloat has been a full time job. Just wanted to let you know your on my heart! ((hugs))

Kimberly said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I hope the next doctor's visit is more productive. Infertility sucks.

erika said...

I wish we could all be an IRL community. I am sorry you feel so left alone with this. But you must know, your bloggy friends are all here for you to give the most support they could muster. Me included.
The ignorance of your caretakers is shocking to me. Hopefully they will pay more attention from now on and they find a way to help you through this.
Much, much love your ways!

Dory said...

My heart is with you right now, even though there's no way I can understand what you're feeling. I'm so shocked by what you're experiencing with your doctors, and I'm hoping for better care for you in the future. Please don't give up. Even when you think you've sunk lower than you can ever recover from, somehow, you'll find strength.

Rebecca said...

Oh, Katie. I hate, hate, hate this!! I'm so sorry. I can't believe these idiots kept ignoring you after all you've been through.

And, I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone. Please know that we are all here for you. Always. (((hugs)))

~C~ said...

WTF. I'm glad someone finally figured out what's going on, but I really just wish this would quit happening. I don't know how to tell you to stay afloat, I wish I did. But I really don't. If you discover the secret, let me know what it is.

Baby Hopes said...

Keep writing... we're here and listening and support you all the way. I'm so very sorry... what a terrifying and frustrating experience. I had a cyst rupture and, despite my insisting that something had ruptured and was going very wrong, they diagnosed it as gas and sent me home with a truckload of laxatives. Major cramps added on top of the pain of a ruptured cyst... by the time I saw a second doctor a week later, everything had pretty much taken care of itself. She left some choice words for my previous clinic though. So sorry you experienced this.

Dawn said...

Even though I don't know you IRL, I hope that I can try to support you from afar! I'm so sorry to hear how you comtinue to have issues with your body. I'm praying that you find relief soon!

Jen said...

I am am so sorry you keep having to deal with this crap and they can't get it figured out. I hope that NP at least feels stupid!

Jen said...

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. This insanity has to stop. We need to find you a patient advocate; dealing with all of this is just too much! You are not not not alone. We are all here for you to listen and hug and support.

JC said...

I'm so sorry you keep having to fight this! I hate that you're going through this and I wish I could help. I'm here if you need anything, really I will drive to your house and bring a bottle of wine! Dare me, lol.

Jessica said...

This is bulls**t!! It is cruel that NOT only do you have to deal with infertility, but you are having all these physical issues that are a constant reminder.

((HUGS))

Ed said...

Omg. I'm sorry.

Serendipitie said...

xoxo not much I can say to make it better, but I'm thinking of you

PCOSChick said...

Please know I am ALWAYS here for you! I know you are a strong woman & I know how this can get even the strongest down. I really wish I could do so much more for you, then tell you how sorry I am. I know how rough this is. But I can tell you after 10 years of different doctors & surgeries that it did get better.. It WILL get better for you! Please know if you need to talk or if you want me to come down there & kick butt, or bring you up here to my dr, I will....it WILL get getter! ♥♥♥

Courtney said...

Even though we may not have had the same experiences, you are not alone. We are all here in your corner, sending you love and healing thoughts. I know first hand how painful those are, and to have to deal with all this sh*t on top of it is simply not fair.

It Is What It Is said...

I hope you find buoyancy from those posting here and lifting you up.

I am sorry that this has happened and is happening to you.

Try to just take things one at a time. Now, rest and get your strength back.

Health to you.

China Doll said...

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you as you continue on this journey.. things will get better.. don't give up. xx

Logical Libby said...

You can stay afloat because this is not all you are. And it is not all your future holds. You can stay afloat because your child to be needs you to.

Now, go drink some wine.

JJ said...

Loads and loads of hugs and thoughts coming your way!

Tammy said...

Oh, Katie, I am so sorry for what you are suffering through. You are incredibly brave and strong. I cannot and would not venture to say I understand what you are going through (I hate it when people say that!), but I can relate to your frustrations with doctors and nurses. I would be happy to be a friend and a listener any time. You say the word. I will be there. I know what it feels like to feel alone. I'm thinking of you and hoping that answers are coming your way very soon.

AnotherDreamer said...

I am so sorry you're going through this. And I'd love to smack that nurse, geesh!

Kaitake said...

Oh hun so sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad you finally got someone useful to help! Hope you are recovering quickly. Keep blogging, we are all here to support you! :)

nobabyruth said...

Oh, sheesh, hun, this is getting to be too much!! (What am I saying? This was too much long ago!) I am so sorry that you are dealing with this crap nonstop and that you are also having to deal with incompetent and irresponsive doctors. I think staying with the doc is a good idea - it's not ideal (and it shouldn't be this way) but sometimes having a doctor "owe you" means you get better care.

You CAN stay afloat. Take solace and shelter in your incredible husband. We're all pulling for you.

Stephanie said...

Katie, please know I'm thinking about you!! Sending hugs and prayers!! I'm sorry you just keep having to deal with things like this and wish I could somehow make it go away. No one deserves this, but you especially do not!

Gurlee said...

Katie, I know mere words do not always help but I want you to know that I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. It is profoundly unfair. Please know that you are not alone and that have an army of women on your side to cheer you on and to try to prop you up when you are feeling low. You are incredibly strong.
(((hugs)))

A said...

oh my gosh! i am so sorry that you had to deal with this again. praying for you as you wade through this frustration...

Marla said...

I'm so frustrated for you! Gah! What next! *hugs*

Glass Case of Emotion said...

I am so frustrated for you. It just sucks. It's like if you are not making a baby they don't care or something. I wish this were easier for you, I wish you could spend your time just planning for your adoption and not spend it thinking about ovaries. :(

Rach said...

Thinking of you. I hope they get a new treatment plan worked out soon.

My So-Called (TTC) Life said...

Oh, Katie, ahjokhjkgshuhkgs. That's how I feel about your situation! Such a bunch of bullshit for you to have to go through! I am so sorry. (And I'd not have been so nice to that nurse if it were me!) I hope you're feeling better. xoxo

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry...no one should be expected to endure what you have. You really are one of the strongest women I 'know', despite how you are feeling right now. You are in my prayers.

myinfertilitywoes said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news and that you're feeling this way. That just stinks. I wish sometimes that we can all wrap ourselves in love & support blankets and that it would work, that we'd feel better. Here's to hoping you can come back to all of these comments when you are seeking comfort and understanding.

Love to you and many, many (((hugs)))

AL said...

Katie, I am so sorry for the pain and all this shit you have to go through :-(. It's not okay, and it's not right for you to have to go the ER.

I wish there was something I could do. I hope your doctor is responsive - it's not okay for you to be in this much pain or to have to go to the ER for this.

Sending hugs. (and I wish I could also send a badass doctor.).

Rebecca said...

OUCH! The pain, just the thought of it, makes me cringe. I have two large ovarian cysts right now. I don't even want to think about one of them rupturing because I'm out of my pain meds.

I hope you feel better soon.

Conceptionally Challenged said...

I'm so very sorry, Katie.
Thinking of you, and hoping that you will find a good doctor with answers soon.

Tillie said...

holy crap. I can't believe you keep having to go through this. It's ridiculous. I wish I was there to help you through this. I hope that your doctor can figure out wtf to do!

Carli said...

Katie - I am so sorry. I know this is the last thing you wanted. Or deserved.

I am thinking of you.

Adele said...

I'm so sorry, Katie. This is all kinds of unfair:(

Nixy said...

I want to reach through my computer and hug you. literally. OH MY HOLY LORD. I pray for you, I think about you, and I send positive wishes your way.

I am so very sorry.

And I really hope that awful nurse feels like complete S#$% for how she treated you. She should be calling you with an apology.

EBC said...

we all hate that you having to go thru this garbage.

if you need a bit of a mindless distraction, i gave you an award at my blog. i know, such a surface level thing during such a painless time, so feel free to never claim it. just know that i'm on the sidelines cheering for you just like all your other blog followers!

amiracle4us said...

Hey hun..I just gave you an award! Check out my blog :)