Saturday, April 16, 2011

here we go again

Earlier this week, I started cramping. Odd for a girl who isn't supposed to get her period anymore, but I figured that it was just my body thinking it was time for AF (even though it's been about 3 months since my last real period).

Then, the cramps became a sharp, single cramp - like a stabbing pain in the center of my uterus. It would last for no more than 30 seconds to a minute, and then I'd be perfectly fine again.

I called the nurse yesterday morning. My doctor was booked solid and couldn't see me. First, she suggested the ER. Then, she said that the nurse practitioner had an opening. She said, "Let's get you in with her, and I know she will want you to have another ultrasound at the hospital."

In hindsight, I wish I'd gone to the ER.

I waited for an hour to see the NP. When she came in and did her internal exam, I flinched slightly when she pressed my bladder.

"Does this hurt?" she asked.
"Not really. Just the entire area 'down there' is sore," I replied.

She had me get dressed and when she returned, she came back with a survey . . . about my bladder.

Are you fucking kidding me?

"With pelvic pain this soon after surgery, I'm thinking you may have something else going on, like interstitial cystitis. It's a bladder condition..."

Wait, so now you think I suddenly have some chronic bladder conditions because I’ve been having what feels like contractions in my uterus for three days? Even though I don't feel like I have to pee all the time? Even though I don't ever (EVER) get up in the middle of the night to pee? Even though I only pee 7-10 times a day, not 30-60?

And now you want me to come into your office on a random Wednesday and get dye shot into my bladder because maybe or maybe not I have this condition because, truly, you people have NO FUCKING CLUE what to do about my body – just like everyone else?

I'm beginning to think that, when I come into a doctor's office and tell them about a new pain, they have this jar sitting at the nurse's station full of pieces of paper with different diseases on it. The doctor goes over to the jar each time and pulls out a new piece of paper.

"Well, maybe it's THIS!"

The worst part of it all is, as I'm crying (after I told this woman there is no way it's my bladder, I'm not coming back in to do that crazy test, and I'm certainly not taking any bladder relief medication in the meantime), the NP is talking to my actual doctor in the hall who is saying, "It can't be a cyst this soon after surgery."

I never said it was a motherfucking cyst. I actually said it was NOT a cyst. It feels nothing like a cyst! I SAID it was a sudden, stabbing cramp at the top of my uterus.

She came back in and saw me crying, and she apologized that I am in pain.

"I'm not in pain," I said. "I'm frustrated."

She told me to call back Monday and let them know if I've decided about the bladder test. (Uh, no.) She also gave me a choice to move to step two in my medication plan - meaning switch out the pills for the shot.

I don't think I'm doing that, either.

Instead, I'm going to continue the pills. I'm going to go to the ER if the pain returns. And, when I go back in June for the follow-up with my doctor, I'm going to tell him that the reason why I never called or came back after yesterday. It's because I left there feeling like I do with ever other doctor I've ever seen: more frustrated, less answers.

I can honestly say that I left there yesterday feeling more broken than I’ve felt in a long, long time. Not only am I tired of fighting the ignorance, but I am completely finished with trying to fight my body.

I give up.

22 comments:

Kakunaa said...

They didn't even do an ultrasound? My goodness...any chance of a different doc? I'm sorry sweetie :-(

missohkay said...

I'm so sorry! They really should LISTEN to you. You know the source of your pain better than anyone else. Hope it gets better <3

JC said...

AHH I'm so frustrated and upset for you too! I'm really sorry, I know you're so tired and over this and frustrated. It really makes me upset. Let me know if you need anything. I'll send you that stuff so you can have something to research and LOOK FORWARD TO!!!!! =) ((HUGS))

amiracle4us said...

You have already been through so much. To me, the worst part of most situations is 'not knowing' and in your case, you don't know AND you have to be in pain because of that not knowing :( I wish I could give you some answers....I am so sorry. xo

It Is What It Is said...

I am sorry you are having worrisome pain and are dealing with a cavalcade of idiots in trying to get diagnosed.

Don't give up. It is taxing, advocating for your care, but you only get this one body to advocate for, so sometimes you have to.

Baby Hopes said...

So frustrating... I'm so sorry. If a second doctor is possible, I'd go that route, too. I regretted not getting a second opinion when I had a cyst rupture. Ouch...

Rebecca said...

Oh, I'm so sorry!!! I hope you find someone who will give you some answers.

~C~ said...

Grrrr. So frustrating. I do agree with your idea to go to the ER next time. Sometimes I think doctors are so blinded by what they know about us that other options don't even seem to occur to them, you know? I hope you can get some answers, and more importantly some relief, soon.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Poor Katie!

Rita said...

Ugh. This is beyond ridiculous now. They seriously think it's your bladder now?? What a joke!

I don't know what to say except that I hate that you're still in pain and that no one seems able to help you. (((HUGS)))

foxy said...

I don't like your Doctor, or her NP. Seriously someone need to listen to you, to sit down and review your entire history, and come up with some informed theories about what the heck is going on. This is beyond ridiculous.

AnotherDreamer said...

So sorry :( I really wish they'd actually listen to you.

lowfatlady said...

Ugh, I am so sorry you are still in pain and they are not listening to you. That really sucks. Maybe you should go to the er if it keeps it up and you will meet a new doc that will listen.

Jessica said...

I'm pissed for you! This is total bullshit. ((HUGS))

Dawn said...

I wish you could find someone to listen to you. This is ridiculous! I pray you are pain free soon.

Kaitake said...

Second opinion, maybe with a gyno? I'm really sorry you're getting stupid "advice" -it's a horrible lonely feeling when a doctor/nurse won't listen and take you seriously. I know you feel like giving up but please don't. Please keep fighting for your health. I hate to know that you're in pain and no one's helping you :( best wishes and big hugs from the other side of the world.

Geochick said...

I'm sorry- it sounds like they aren't really listening to you. If you can, get another opinion. Hope you're not feeling any worse.

suchagoodegg said...

Why in the heck didn't they do an u/s?! I am so frustrated and furious for you, sweet friend. I'm so so so sorry this is happening again. xoxo

someday-soon said...

{{{HUGS}}} I'm so sorry hon...I hope someone has an answer SOON!

Tammy said...

Aw man, Katie, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine what you're going through, and I understand the frustration with doctors and nurses. It's really terrible -- it's just like we talked about at that meeting -- it's like they're just throwing darts, and it's so frustrating. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Let's get together soon. Love and hugs, Tammy

erika said...

Seriously, this is so extremely frustrated! I am so sorry you keep having to deal with medical professionals like these people. I am hoping you will get some answers and get them very soon! can you still go to the ER?
I am thinking of you, Girl! this is just incredibly, painfully unfair.

bodegabliss said...

I am so sorry. That has to be incredibly frustrating. And I hate it when doctors completely ignore the fact that we know our bodies better than them, and chose not to trust our instincts. It's crap.

I hope you get it figured out soon. You can't keep going through this.