Tuesday, February 1, 2011

it's february?

We are going to our first adoption class this month.

I'm a bit nervous; the person speaking at this class is the person who will be performing our home study later this year. While I've felt comfortable speaking with her over the phone and communicating via e-mail, I am nervous about Joey and I making a good first in-person impression. After all, this person gets the largest say in whether we should or should not be parents.


My head hurts. This is the first migraine I've had on the pill. I'll be tracking my migraines to make sure they don't get out of control. If they start to become more frequent, I will contact my doctor.

Despite my mood swings, I feel like I need to give this pill time to work. How much time is enough, though? A month? Two? I will say that I'm thankful for no breakthrough bleeding. Yet.


I thought a lot about everyone's response to my post about support. It was interesting to read the different interpretations about that post. But I guess what I was trying to get to is that silence does hurt. At least for me. I know that some people feel differently, but it hurts that some people who were there are the beginning aren't there any longer or who are there a whole lot less. Blog comments didn't spawn that post, to be honest. Because most of the relationships I'm struggling with are the ones that didn't start here. It's everything else. The e-mails or other personal communications I've developed with some of you are no longer.

I guess that's what happens when you're the last infertile standing. I can't expect people to stand here and hold my hand when they are 10 or 10,000 miles down the road. I need to get over being so damn sensitive about it. Emotions are sort of my weak points these days.


We have so many things that need to go to Goodwill that currently live in the nursery room. Does someone want to come over and help us move all of it? :)

Also, we found our dream nursery fabric. How this will evolve into a bedding set, I'm not quite sure. But we have some time to figure it out.


There is a, um, "positive possibility" in the air right now. That's pretty much all I can say about it at this point. (And no, it has nothing to do with pregnancy.) But if anyone wants to send vibes so that this becomes a positive reality, we won't turn that down.


JC said...

I thought about going to that adoption class this month too, but I haven't decided yet. Regardless you will make a great first impression! I'm positive she will love you guys, I can't see you making anything but a great first impression.

Silence hurts me too...or the fact that I'm also one of the last infertile's standing...like me and you only, lol.

Sending positive vibes your way =)

Secret Sloper said...

I'm sending you major positive reality vibes. I'm so curious as to what this possibility is!

You don't need to "get over" anything. Sometimes we just need to delve into all the sadness and wallow there in order to work through it. You have been through hell, and while I know beginning adoption is exciting and is the path that will lead you to your baby, it's understandable that there are so many other emotions involved. I'm so excited for you to welcome your son or daughter home, though, and I hope it's soon.

Love that fabric!

JC said...

Oh...and I think there should be some sort of huge prize for being the last infertile standing...like survivor. Totally!

waiting and wishing said...

I love, love, LOVE that fabric!!

A said...

sending vibes for a positive reality!

Trisha said...

I can't wait to hear what this positive possibility is all about! You'll do great on the homestudy! If we made it through, you guys will be awesome! I really enjoyed the meetings; I always came away with so much!

Erin said...

I think you guys will nail the home study. The adoption class sounds exciting and I can't wait to read about it.

I had to stop taking birth control, I didn't need it anyway apparently, because of the terrible migraines I would get on it. I feel for you and hope you feel better soon.

LOVE the nursery fabric!

AL said...

I love the fabric and can't wait to see how you work with it into the nursery. :)

It is interesting how everyone feels the distance between themselves and their IF blogger/twitter friends, but we all notice it in different ways.

very interested in what positive situation you have going...wishing you the best :-)

Marla said...

Sorry about the migraines. Yuck! I wouldn't last more than 2 months on the BCP's if they were giving me migraines.

My So-Called (TTC) Life said...

I LOVE the "positive possibility" in the air :). I'm so excited for you to start this journey. Does it feel so much more real now that you're going to go to a class? Craziness! And so exciting! xo

Kelly said...

I hope your migranes don't get as severe as they have in the past.

LOVE the fabric!

I'm sending you positive vibes for your class (and I'm sure she'll love you two) and this other, mysterious thing.

AplusB said...

Exciting about the adoption class, although daunting I'm sure. That fabric is adorable and will looks so lovely in a nursery.

Tons of positive vibes headed your way!!

Dawn said...

I'm sure you and Joey will make a fabulous first impression!!

I hope you don't have anymore migraines on those pills. Ugh!

I love the fabric. It is so cute!

I can't wait to hear what your surprise might be!

Amber said...

They are going to love you! I was really nervous going into our adoption class too, but it was wonderful. I have considered going again just for a refresher and to meet others pursuing adoption. Relax and enjoy! :)

Sarah Q said...

I'm really excited to hear how your adoption class goes this month! :)

Bobbi Janay said...

As someone who has bad luck with BC they say 3 months is the amount of time it takes the body to adjust. I would know, I have bad luck with the stuff and can only be on the shot.

Hayley said...

So excited for y'all to go to the adoption class! You guys will make a marvelous first impression. I agree with JC, you can't make a bad first impression, b/c you guys are awesome. xo!

suchagoodegg said...

Sweet fabric!!

I'm sending you tons and tons of positive vibes on the adoption class front and on the other mysterious front. :) xoxo

PCOSChick said...

So excited about your adoption class!! I cannot wait to hear what you think. I know you guys will be just fine & have nothing to worry about!

Also TONS of positive vibes coming your way! xoxo ♡

Kakunaa said...

You are going to do fabulously! You really are :)

Oh, and I feel like my house is the receiving end of Goodwill, LOL. Every time I try to get rid of stuff, other stuff makes its way in. I'd love to help you out...if I could get there, lift, and only if you help organize my house, LOL.

I'm crossing my fingers for positivity!

amiracle4us said...

My hubby and I had that talk yesterday. I asked when everyone that still stands by our side through this shit storm will drop out of sight too. It sucks. We have to deal with this constantly and then lose friends/support along the way, it's not fair!
I am anxious to hear about the class later this month! You guys will blow the socks off them; just you wait and see :)
I LOVE the fabric!!! Are you going to make it???
head up, you can do this and I know you will!

Jen said...

I'm sending lots of positivity vibes your way from the middle of our annual blizzard here in Badgerland!

Willow said...

I just wanted to say you're awesome. And, don't be scared of the home study lady because she will love you :) (also, home study really isn't as bad/hard as it sounds) And, sending you good wishes for whatever that new possibility might be!

Another Dreamer said...

Lots of positive vibes all around :) Good luck!

Carli said...

Sending you lots of positive vibes for whatever you have brewing over there.

I also wanted to respond about your last infertile standing comment. I was a member of a group on Babycenter.com that I absolutely loved. I met some of the BEST ladies there. But, as more and more of them got pregnant and moved on with their lives, I also felt as if I was the last infertile standing. I know that I really wasn't. But when treatment after treatment failed for me and they were all getting pregnant, it was really hard for me. And now, as I have gotten pregnant and am moving on to the other side, I completely understand how hard it is to still be standing there. I hope that I never forget that.

I am confident that one day, you and Joey will be holding a baby in your arms and you will no longer feel like you were left behind. Just try to keep your chin up while you are still waiting. Your miracle will come, I have no doubt.

Jem said...

You have so much going on, so it's natural to feel positive!

I looked at the infertility blogs I bookmarked at the beginning of blogging. 80% are pregnant. Bummed me out.

Rachel said...

I can't believe how much good stuff you have going on! So excited for your first adoption class this month too!

And cute fabric! Can't wait to see what becomes of it!

Bobbi said...

Don't be nervous. You guys will make an awesome first impression. I can tell through your blog what a great person you are. Anybody would see you'd make a wonderful mom. I hope the class goes well for you. I also hope those migraines go away. Yikes!!! Those are so awful. :( Love the fabric, too!!!!

S.I.F. said...

I cannot imagine anyone doing your home study and not thinking you were fabulous friend! I know you're going to be nervous no matter what, but really - you have NOTHING to be nervous about!

And I have felt like the last infertile standing so many times now. Especially since "giving up", but... you are not the only one my friend. I promise you that.

Kim said...

You will pass with flying colors for your homestudy, I just know it!!!

Did someone say nursery?! How exciting!

I saw this post today and wanted to pass it along, hope its helpful.


lowfatlady said...

My fingers are crossed for you and your possibility. Good luck with the adoption class, I am sure you will make a great first impression.

Adele said...

I am sending all sorts of good vibes, both for your positive possibility and for your adoption class. I think the fact that you are nervous speaks volumes about you as a person. It's important. A lot is riding on it. But you're going to shine.

(And i hope you get to shine headache-free).

Jennifer Bruno said...

I know what you mean... I've not been a part of this community too long (about 9 months) and already in that time, a ton of women have found themselves pregnant. I find it encouraging, but I understand what you mean about feeling left on the outside. I wish pregnancy for anyone and everyone who wants it, but it can be disheartening to be "left behind". I hope your adoption class goes well!!!

By the way, I live in FL too! :-)

Kandid Kelli said...

Feb. is a big month for yall. I am so excited/happy that you and Joey are going to an adoption class! Thats wonderful. You will be fine, how could someone not LOVE you (&Joey).

I love the fabric for the nursery! Its perfect for a boy or girl.


Browniris said...

Good luck at your adoption class! One of the best pieces of advice that we received when we were getting approved was to NOT stress too much about the homestudy. They are just there to make sure you are a normal person with a safe home, not that everything is perfect. :)

Pix said...

Yeah, we were nervous about meeting our adoption pro too. It's a strange feeling to know that your future as a family hinges on someone else's impression of you, but you will do great! Best luck and sending you lots of positive thoughts!