A little over a month ago, while we were up in Knoxville visiting my awesome SIL and her boyfriend, Joey bought me a necklace that reads "Strength."
It was supposed to bring me strength during a time when I needed it most. But lately, I don't feel strong. I just feel weak, lonely, and sad. I'm trying my best to pour my heart and energy (what's left of it, anyway) into positive things:
A few weeks ago, we started - slowly - clearing out to closet to what will be the nursery. We think that putting together the nursery in the first half of 2011 will be a good way for us to work on something that's actually within our control. It's strange for me to be starting a nursery with no idea as to when or how a baby will get to us. But I feel like this is the one positive thing we can do right now that relates to our infertility (that and save money for the adoption, of course).
We also picked a country: we are 100% decided on domestic adoption.
I am now the Education Coordinator for our local RESOLVE chapter, and I agreed to organize two speaker meetings this year. One will be a men's panel and the other will be an adoption panel. I'm excited for the opportunity to organize both, and I hope we have a good turnout.
And do you remember my post a few weeks ago about my fear with Danica and a new baby in the house? Well, on Sunday we had the chance to host one of my best friends and her husband, their little doggy, and their 4-month-old baby boy. We couldn't keep Danica away from the baby. She LOVED him. She wanted to lay next to him constantly and give him kisses. It was amazing. The few times he fussed, she was so concerned and went to check on him. She impressed (and relieved) me with her behavior. She'll have another "test" next weekend when our nephew comes to stay with us. This might be a little different because our nephew is old enough to walk and is more vocal - and, if you'll remember, her main fear is of toddlers. But, I hope that the training and her recent exposure to little people will help her with her fears.
So, that's it. Those are my positives. That's all I've got.