This weekend, I attended my first therapy session in almost two years.
The first five to ten minutes were pure torture. I spent that time dodging her suggestions as to which doctor I should see next and why I shouldn't wait too long for treatment since I'd just gotten my laparoscopy in February. Finally, I politely but firmly reiterated that I did not want to see any more doctors right now, and that we were not ready to take the step to IVF.
After that, she was great. She went through infertility herself, so she understood my anger and pain. She also understood and didn't judge when I admitted that part of my hesitation to move forward was financial. In reality, it would be easier for me to push through with IVF insurance covered it and if all I had to worry about were my emotions. But that isn't all I would have to worry about, so I must accept that this is part of what's telling me to stop. Together we outlined a loose plan to help me get off the couch and back onto my feet.
Overall, I was pleased with the rest of the session, but her initial questions and comments about my desire to put on the brakes got me thinking: Why are people so insistent on pursuing fertility treatments?
And not just pursuing them, but pursuing them immediately. I'll admit it: I've been overly encouraging sometimes when it comes to suggesting that friends see this fertility doctor or try this medication. Looking back, I'm embarrassed at myself, and I sincerely apologize if you are one of the people who I pushed to do or try one thing or another. Because now that I'm on the other side, I understand what it's like to feel pressured. To have someone say, "You shouldn't wait," even though every part of my mind and body is telling me that I should. It's a tight rope we walk on, and only we know how best to balance ourselves so that we don't fall and get hurt.
My theory is that some people push because they think that by not moving forward, it's a sign of giving up. I think that others push because they don't know how to stop or say no.
Why do you think that people try to talk themselves or others into further (or initial) treatment?