Saturday, January 31, 2009

wherever I may roam . . .

Still no word on a job. I know it has only been a couple of weeks, but I also know it feels like a lifetime for Joey.

After a long talk, we decided he should also apply for jobs in Orlando.

A bit of background: We moved up to Nashville in the summer of 2007, right after I graduated college. The only reason we moved up here was so I could take a job with my current company. It's not that we don't like the area, but we really miss our family and friends in Orlando. My mom and his parents still live there, along with all of our siblings.

We've discussed moving back a number of times, but nothing really came of it. It seems like this might be a good time, with Joey out of a job.

He has a lead on one already. If he gets it, he would be making enough money so that I would only have to work part-time if it came down to that.

This would put a further hold on our TTC efforts, but only for a few months. I think I can live with that, especially since we were planning on not trying around May or June anyway (it would put our due date too close to attend one of my best friend's wedding).

We'll see how this all plays out.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

please snow

I would kill for a day off right now. It's supposed to snow and freezing rain tonight and tomorrow morning and I am keeping all of my crossables crossed for my office to close tomorrow. I'm sure my husband is keeping HIS fingers crossed that I get a day off, too. I know he's getting bored sitting around all day in the house. He has a second interview with one company this Thursday and we are hopeful he will get offered the job.

The catch?

It's another retail management position, and with the way the economy is, we think this is just a temporary solution. But if offered, he'll gladly accept the position while continuing to look for something more stable (NOT in retail). There are a few city jobs open in our area that I know he would love to have, and we are really praying hard he will get called for an interview for at least one of those.

As far as TTC news, there really isn't anything to report. AF has left town and we are waiting to see if Joey gets this job to decide whether or not we are trying this month. I'm not temping. Did I mention that? I needed a break, and this seemed like the appropriate month to do it. I will still use OPKs, though, and I have a pretty good idea now of when I ovulate each month. Regardless of Joey's employment situation, we agreed that we will keep my doctor's appointment (Tuesday of next week, 2/3).

The funny thing is, I'm actually looking forward to it.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

exhausted

I apologize for not posting an update soon. Thank you all so much for the support. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

So, here is the story. Joey went to work in the morning and was told he was being laid off. He gets three weeks of severance pay, and that's about it. Thank God he's on my benefits, or we would be screwed. As the day went on, we started hearing reports about his company's layoffs. Overall, 1,400 store employees (including his management position) were eliminated, and two call centers were closed. His company only has a little over 400 stores nationwide, so if you do the math, it's not pretty.

He spent the rest of the day job searching, and came up with some good leads. He had his first interview at one company today for a full-time position, and he also has an interview for a part-time position with another company on Saturday. He went out again today and passed out some more resumes.

I really don't know what else to say right now, except that I hope this isn't a long process. It's not the money I'm worried about so much as the toll I know this will take on both of us mentally and emotionally.

Again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

how quickly the tides turn

Joey was laid off from his job this morning. We've known for a while that his company has not been doing well, but it was still unexpected.

Obviously, this puts our TTC efforts on hold, at least until he finds another position.

FINALLY!

The bitch has arrived, with an upset stomach and (thankfully) mild cramps.

On to cycle #9, CD1!

I made an executive decision the other night that I am going to take a break from temping this cycle, but I will still use OPKs. It's just one less thing I have to worry about.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

still a no-show

AF is still not here, but I am still spotting. The amount is about equal to yesterday, and it's still my pre-AF dark brown color. I took another HPT this morning, just for good measure, and it was negative. At least there were no tears with this one. I already knew. I've been very lazy and haven't been temping (partially because I think I might take next cycle off from temping), so I have no idea what to think about what my body is doing right now. Anyway . . .
A friend of mine sent me a message on Facebook today and mentioned that she and her husband are going to start trying to have kids. She then asked if Joey and I were going to start trying. I told her an abbreviated version of our story (because I just can't stand to lie about TTC), and this is what she said in response:

Aw, really? I had no idea. Maybe it's just not your time yet. I hope everything turns ok. Are you sure you don't want to give it a little more time before you go for testing? You both are so young, okay, maybe Joey isn't, but there isn't an age problem with men like there is with women. Good luck, I will pray for you guys to get a beautiful healthy little baby.

Here are a couple of tips to everyone out there who has a friend who's struggling with TTC:

1. Never say "Maybe it's just not your time yet." It might sound like an appropriate thing to say, but it's not. Trust me. Because if it's not my time, when is my time?

2. Don't insert your opinion. No one cares when YOU think our plan should be. It's our life and it's our doctor who has suggested the testing. When you get "M.D." at the end of your name, then you can tell me what you think I should do.

I have more tips, but I'm too pissed off to write them down at this point. Anyone want to share theirs?

Monday, January 19, 2009

what if?

What if it never happens? What if it's just not in the cards?

Will we adopt? Will we foster? Will I become the crazy cat (or dog) lady? What will happen to me?

Note:
I'm not down or trying to sound negative, but this is something that's crossed my mind in recent days. I can't help it. I'm a planner. It comforts me to know how things are going to end, but I don't know the ending to this story.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

AF called

She said she's on her way. (That's code for "I'm spotting".)

Cycle #9, here I come. You want to know what the worst part about this cycle is? From here on out, we can say we could have had a baby by now. Because if we had gotten pregnant the very first time we tried, I would be due in February.

I'm not sure I'm going to be as active on the board as I have been. I may move over to the TTCYFC6+ months board. It's been really difficult watching people who have only tried for a month get their BFPs. Regardless of what I decide, I will still check in to the TTCYFC board. The ladies I've met over there have been so supportive. I can't just abandon them! :)

Okay, time for a positive note in all of this: At least I can drink a beer during the Eagles game this afternoon!

Friday, January 16, 2009

tonight's activities

Laying on the couch, under my warm, fleece blanket.
Drinking a nice glass of red wine.
Watching The Devil Wears Prada.
Eating Tastykakes.

Did you catch that second one?
Wine.

That's right. I'm not pregnant.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

make it stop!

I rarely ever eat breakfast. This morning, I was hungry when I woke up, so I decided not to skip.

I was hungry for lunch at 10:30 a.m.

I managed to hold off on lunch until almost noon, because I knew if I ate any earlier than noon, I would be hungry before I got off work.

I was hungry at 4 p.m. regardless.

I stopped at this place called Tossed on the way home. They have sandwiches, salads, etc. I got my usual--a massive salad that I usually cannot finish and end up having the second half the next day for lunch.

I ate the whole thing.

Guess what happened at 8 p.m.? My stomach started growling.

It's 9:30 p.m. and I just sent a text message to my husband. If he does not pick up food on his way home from work, I might die.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

if i decide to test before AF is due . . .

when should I break down and pee on a stick?

I've had two days now of very high temps--yesterday was much higher than normal for me and a huge jump from the day before. (There's a link to my chart in the upper right-hand corner of my blog, BTW.) I told myself that I wouldn't test this cycle until AF is late, but now I'm not so sure what I'll do.

So, therefore, my question:

If I decide to test before Flow is due, when should I test? Flow should arrive (based on my last couple of cycles, which have been completely erratic and unreliable) by next Wednesday at the latest--Monday at the earliest. I am currently 8 DPO.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

dreams

Someone (or something) was chasing me.

I don't know who or what it was, but it terrified me. I ended up in a neighborhood I didn't recognize. It seemed like the streets and the houses were endless. But I just kept driving--racing to get away from whatever was after me.

It didn't take me long to lose my way. I decided to turn left on a street with a yellow house and black shutters on the corner. This house . . . I've seen it before. Or maybe my heart just knows it means something. But what?

The street was a dead end. At the end, there was a man standing next to a van. He kept waving for me to drive toward him. His arms were covered in tattoos. I didn't recognize him, but I knew he wasn't going to hurt me.

I parked my car and got out.

"You have to get in the van. Take the van. You have to get rid of your car so they won't know what you're driving."

I quickly jumped into the driver's side of the van and shut the door. As I started the engine and buckled my seat belt, I heard a voice from the back seat.

"Katie . . ."

I turned around, and there she was. My mom-mom. She sat there and smiled. It wasn't a big smile. Just her simple, happy, beautiful smile I've missed for nearly ten years.

And then I woke up.

Monday, January 12, 2009

how long?

How long has it been since I've sat down and written a blog?

Too long.

Between work and the Gators winning the National Championship, I had a lot going on. The weekend wasn't much better. Joey and I had to get new phones and we ended up getting iPhones. Those things sucked up the entire weekend--trying to figure out how to use them isn't easy, especially when the AT&T rep gives you no instructions. Then, of course, I had to watch the Eagles game yesterday. It's just been hectic for the last week or so.

The good news?

It's really taken my mind off the two week wait (which is slowly closing in on one week, tomorrow).

The bad news?

My chart doesn't look very promising. My temp has stayed steady and I have no real signs of a bun in the oven. I'm going to keep doing my best to not think about it. This week should be another busy week at work and the Eagles have a playoff game this weekend. Joey and I have a date night tomorrow night. We're going to see Revolutionary Road. The worst days will most likely be Friday and Saturday. Joey works on Friday night and (I think) all day Saturday.

Any ideas on what I can do to take my mind OFF of babies?

Monday, January 5, 2009

back to the grind

Today was my first day back to work, and surprisingly, it wasn't bad. I felt a little "rusty" first thing this morning, but I managed to get a lot accomplished. Hopefully the rest of the week will turn out to be just as easy.

Well, despite a + OPK, I still haven't ovulated. My temp went up this morning, but not above what the cover line will be. I usually get pain in my left ovary (always my left), but it's only for a couple of hours max during one day. This cycle, I've had consistent pain in my left ovary for three days. The first two days felt normal, then today it got strange. You know the feeling you get in your side when you run or walk too fast (or too much)? It feels like that, but in my ovary. Almost like a stretching or a pulling instead of my usual pain. Maybe my left ovary is pissed off that the right one doesn't pull it's weight. Ha!

Oh God. Now I'm making OVARY JOKES. Someone help me.