Friday, November 20, 2009

emo katie

Emo Katie is back. The crying fits have returned.

I tend to like Angry Clomid Katie better than Emo Estrogen Katie. Why? This is mostly because I can control Angry Katie. Emo Katie, on the other hand, can appear at any given time.

Since this is Thanksgiving week, there will be plenty of opportunities for me to make a complete ass of myself by bursting into tears in front of large gatherings of people for no apparent reason.

I wish I could say I knew what set it off. Some of the obvious things are babies, pregnant women, baby clothes, commercials with babies, and pretty much anything having to do with children. But even certain songs, smells, and facial expressions make me cry. There’s just no telling when the waterworks might turn on.

Last night’s crying episode was self-induced. I made the mistake of going on a person’s Facebook page (a person who is pregnant) and reading the comments about how “wonderful it is to be a parent” and “there’s nothing like it.” Which of course leads me to the immediate reaction of, “WHAT IF I NEVER FEEL THAT?!”

No, really. What if I never feel that?

12 comments:

ifcrossroads said...

I'm so sorry Katie. I know what you mean. I spend a lot of my time and days now wondering and pretty much convinced "what if I never feel that" and it's heartbreaking.

Bean stalk ballads said...

Katie... I too am Emo em on the oestregen... its bloody hard work. Its also hard when you want to rejoin the "able bodied" world and comments like that do break your heart.Hugs.

Jin said...

Boo.

That line of thinking is just like a black hole. It takes forever to get out of it...if you even can.

Kelly said...

I have no excuse for myself and feel the exact same way. I am just thinking if I make it through next week I deserve a gold star. That will take the form of spending money on myself on Black Friday! Please call me or text me if you need me. ((hugs))

A said...

I sure hope that your Thanksgiving celebrations are not too rough on the emotions.. And as far as knowing what it's like to be a parent, I honestly believe that if God puts that desire in our (your) heart, He WILL fulfill it somehow, as long as you trust Him and seek Him along the journey :) Will be praying for you!

Kelli-Sue said...

I would like to hug you. Till I can meet you one day will a virtual hug work? xxxhugggssssxxx

2catdaughters said...

I'm so sorry, Katie. I feel the EXACT same way and I understand completely where you're coming from.

Sending you lots of hugs from Philly. Like Kelly said, call or text me if you need to talk. I'm always game for a good vent. (((hugs)))

Erin said...

Big hugs, Katie. It's so hard to get through the day when you could burst into tears at any moment. Thinking of you!

nicolemarie said...

I feel that everyday when I go to work... I'm a full-time nanny, and as healing as it is to be with babies everyday, sometimes I go home and cry because I worry that's the closest I'll ever get to "raising" kids.

(((((HUGS))))

i_c_thru_u said...

*****hugs*****

I've had that thought myself more than a few times. What if I never get to be a mommy? I love my pediatric patients and feel like I do really well with kids. I know I would make a darn good mom. What if I never get that chance? I can only settle for loving on my animals and nephews for so long. :o(

Katie said...

i'm so sorry.

that's it. Sending love.....!

((hugs))

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