Tuesday, October 6, 2009

i'm not the virgin mary

This morning, I was reading an article about Jon Gosselin getting reamed by Nancy Grace, and I decided to scroll down and read some of the comments. For some reason, I’ve always enjoyed reading the comments on news articles rather than the articles themselves. It’s interesting to me how some people react (and overreact) to the story, the person in the article, and other people that comment.

It was one comment in particular that caught my attention this morning:

“Infertility is God's way of saying ‘you shouldn't procreate’……now we see why.”

I’ve always known there are people out there who felt this way. I’ve had some people hint to it before by saying that if God wanted me to have children, then I would have them.

I’m not an overly religious person. I was born and raised a pure-bred traditional Roman Catholic. I was baptized, received my first communion, confirmed, and married in the Catholic Church, but I am certainly not a do-or-die, live by the rules Catholic. I (gasp!) lived with my husband before we were married. I haven’t been to confession in . . . six (?) years. It’s not that I don’t love God or don’t believe in him. I do. However, sitting in a church every Sunday isn’t going to get me a one-way ticket to heaven, nor is it going to deliver a brand new baby on my doorstep.

I prayed very hard when we first starting trying to have a baby. As the months went on, I began to beg, plead, and bargain with God. Like the video I posted, I was willing to give up anything and everything to have a child. I still am. But now, things are different. I still pray, but I no longer pray for a baby. It’s just not in me anymore. God is only going to take me so far in this journey. There will be no immaculate conception. There may be a miracle, but I need to do my part, too. I need to use the resources around me to achieve what I want.

So my response to the individual who left that comment on the article is this: I feel that God has given me this challenge because he knows I can overcome it. Am I happy about that? No. I’m very unhappy about it. But I’ve accepted the hand I’ve been dealt. I don’t think God wants me to ignore all of the wonderful doctors and the advanced medical procedures they have because he doesn’t want me to get pregnant. When you have a cold or you break your ankle, do you simply pray to God and hope that he heals you? When you are diagnosed with a disease, do you sit around and wait to die? No. You get help, you fight it, and then you heal.

Maybe, in the end, I won’t have children. But at least I’ll know I tried my hardest to beat this challenge.


Tina said...

What a heartless comment. People amaze me everyday with their insensitive, ignorant remarks.

I am so glad you stuck to your guns with your appointment!! I can't wait to hear how it goes!

Hayley said...

I whole heartedly agree with Tina.

Let me know how the appt goes lovie.

onemoreinthemix said...

Some people are just ignorant assholes.

Excellent post!

Marybeth Wright said...

It sucks that some people actually believe that. I agree with you. I think every hardship that has ever happened to me has made me a better person, and I know that TTC for this amount of time will make us better parents. We won't ever take for granted what we did to become parents, and in a way I think that poses the question: doesn't that make us more qualified to procreate?

ifcrossroads said...

Katie - I'm so sorry, I'm behind on my reading this week.

This particular comment that that person made is my biggest pet peeve with people.

IMO, God doesn't want me to be infertile any more than he wants a 2 yr. old baby to have cancer. I'm sorry, God has nothing to do with this. People that have these type of opinions imply that I'm not worthy enough to have children and I wholeheartedly and profoundly reject that opinion and idea.

That commenter is a selfish fuck.

Katie said...

Don't apologize, Michelle! Your comment had me rolling. It's very true, and the people that usually say it are the people who have children of their own. So how would they even understand what we're going through? Everyone seems to have their own opinion on why infertile people are meant to NOT have babies, and they are so eager to share. It would be nice if some of these people could take a walk in our shoes.

Mommy In Waiting said...

I posted about a similar comment I heard Michelle Dugger make. It makes me so angry that people could be so hurtful. I agree with you, you only hear these comments from people who have children. Marybeth's comment is so right on. We won't be the ones that neglect and ignore our children!