Tuesday, February 11, 2014

if i could turn back time

There are some days when I wish that I could turn back time.

Not forever, but just for a moment.

I wish that I could dial back to that phone call from our paralegal, telling us that we were officially matched – that we were to become parents to a baby girl in just a few short weeks.

I wish that I could relive our times spent with T. Those precious days we connected both before and after K's birth.

I wish that I could go back to that first time holding K in my arms. I wish I could screenshot the expression on her face, and mine, the moment we met. I wish I could capture that feeling, knowing my life had changed forever.

I wish that I could rock her to sleep once more in her swaddle. Feed her one last bottle during the middle of the night. Give her one more bath in the infant tub. Smell her baby scent.

I wish that I could see her first smile again. Watch her crawl for the first time. Take those first steps. All of those baby milestones that went by far too quickly.

I love this age she's in now. The exploring. The creativity. The words. Yet, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the tiny baby I spent so many wonderful, sleepless nights with. I would be lying if I said that thinking about those moments didn't make me, if only for a second, want to do this all over again.

But I can't do this all over again. Not without a miracle. And I certainly can't turn back time. All I can do is look ahead – cherishing the moments we've already had together and pressing forward to the amazing ones still yet to come.

4 comments:

It Is What It Is said...

As a mother, I have found that nothing marks the passage of time like the growing up of newborns into infants into toddlers into young children. No thing.

S said...

I know how you feel. My sons will be my only babies, too, and I often think that I was too busy, tired and stressed during their early days to fully enjoy every moment of that time.

JustHeather said...

OH, yes! I have those same thoughts! Precious moments!

Rach said...

I always find myself looking back at old pictures and saying, "Oh I remember when she did that." I wish I would have taken more pictures at the hospital when we first met her.