Sunday, January 5, 2014

my (longer) PSA

I have a problem. My problem is this. Not just what was said by MHP (that's perhaps a different post, for a different day), but some of the discussion that's taken place afterward by people in the ALI community.

I did not undergo IVF. We chose to "skip" the procedure and instead went down an alternative path. IVF was not for me. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with in-vitro. I fully support anyone who chooses to do it. It simply just wasn't for us. No further explanation needed. Conversely, there are plenty of individuals in this community who've undergone IVF, surrogacy, or who've chosen to live child free (after medical treatment). They have not entered the adoption process for whatever reason, and that's their decision. Everyone chooses what fits them, their family, etc.

Here is something I don't do: I don't waltz around pretending like my choice is in any way, shape, or form better than yours. My path to resolution was not and is not superior to your path. It's different. What I didn't do after I resolved my infertility was then turn around and speak with ill will against those who've taken a different path toward peace. But, yet, I've seen this sort of negative response against transracial adoption from members of our own community. I've watched on social media as women who've NEVER taken part in the adoption process, in any way/shape/form, have spent time negating those of us whose lives have actually been touched by transracial adoption.

I wrote briefly about this on Twitter over the weekend, but I needed to get this PSA out in more than 140 characters:

If you are not an adoption professional, a birth parent, adoptee, or an adoptive parent, you don't get the right to act like some sort of expert on adoption in general (or, more specifically, transracial adoption). You don't get to pass your personal opinions off as fact. And you certainly don't get to judge any individual who is part of that process for his or her choice.

How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If IFers who had adopted were busy spreading hateful comments about IVF, surrogacy, child free living, etc. through Twitter and the blogosphere? I'm guessing there would be complete and utter chaos. Rage. An uprising. And yet, when this occurred over the weekend, I barely heard a peep from those who followed along and presumably read this garbage.

If you want others to support you in your journey, I'm sure we are all happy to do so. But remember: the street runs both ways.