Maybe I was a little harsh to Anonymous Mom. Calling her pathetic. Assuming she should be happy. Calling her worse behind closed doors. After all, I have no idea who this woman is. I don't know her from Jane Doe. She could be as sweet as my next-door neighbor.
Blame my hormones?
I was angry reading the article and yesterday's post was my instant reaction. It was hard not to get angry about it as someone who went through so much to become a parent and who still has many friends still fighting to get there. It was hard not to get angry as a parent whose child had medical issues at birth - who would have given her left arm for her baby to experience something as simple as colic instead of the pain she endured in the NICU.
I'm still a little angry. I don't think that's a wrong emotion for me, or anyone else in the ALI community, to experience. When you put your story out there, you open yourself up to the reactions of others. As bloggers, many of us understand this first hand. There is a reason that I screen all comments on my blog before approving them - because some are too harsh to live forever in my space. You have to accept the bad feedback along with the good. There will always be both.
Regardless of this woman's intentions, whether it be venting or seeking sympathy, it's the tone of her piece that puts me off. She sounds incredibly self-righteous, and her husband sounded the same way. Perhaps they should spend their time focusing on trying to change their attitudes before these babies arrive. Immerse yourselves in therapy instead of writing negatively about your family on the Internet (where it will live forever). Learn how to accept the responsibilities of your actions.
But as much as the content of these posts angers and upsets me, I think they are important for us to read. We need to understand the choices that we have on this journey.
I've watched so many people make what they consider mistakes in their path to family building. They spend too much money cycling that they didn't have enough left when they wanted to pursue another path later to parenthood. They went for that second, third, or fourth baby without thinking about the stress on their family. They adopted a child, even though they hadn't truly grieved the "loss" of having a biological one. The list goes on.
When people ask me about the adoption process and filling out the paperwork regarding what they would accept/not accept in a child, I always say the same thing: be realistic about what you can handle, because this is forever. The same mantra could be said for EVERY aspect of infertility, for every avenue of family building.
I hope that this couple gets the help they need before their babies arrive. I wish the best for them and their children. And I hope that all of us take this as a lesson in control. We may not be able to control the hand we were dealt with infertility, but we can control how we choose to play that hand.