Yesterday marked five years that I've blogged in this space.
A lot has changed in the last five years. Everything about my life and my blog has evolved: me, this space, my words, and (of course) my journey. I spent time yesterday reading back through some of my old posts, reminiscing, and trying to gather a sense of where I came from and in what direction I'm headed.
I've reached the conclusion that I'm past my blogging "prime." My readership is down, for sure, and sometimes I'm not certain that I have enough juice left in me to keep going. You might be surprised by the number of times that I've considered abandoning blogging. Leaving this space for dead and just moving on.
What brings me back? I can't say that it's my love for writing, because if that were the case, then I would write in a private space. It's not for the publicity, either. Clearly. Part of me feels an obligation to stay here to and keep putting down my thoughts. I'm not sure if the obligation is to others, or myself, or to both. I'm not even sure if I'm good at this anymore. How do you know when you've gone past the point of no return?
It's almost like throwing in the towel during a stage of infertility treatments. It's a guessing game. When is enough enough? How far can (or will) you take things? This is how I feel about blogging at this very moment. I don't know what, if anything, I have left to give. I don't necessarily want to be done, but I also don't know if I can keep going, either.
That leaves me here: one day past my blogoversary. It leaves me thinking back to everything that my blog was and is and wondering what it will become.
Wondering if it will be here to celebrate a 6th blogoversary.