Wednesday, November 13, 2013

5th blogoversary

Yesterday marked five years that I've blogged in this space.

A lot has changed in the last five years. Everything about my life and my blog has evolved: me, this space, my words, and (of course) my journey. I spent time yesterday reading back through some of my old posts, reminiscing, and trying to gather a sense of where I came from and in what direction I'm headed.

I've reached the conclusion that I'm past my blogging "prime." My readership is down, for sure, and sometimes I'm not certain that I have enough juice left in me to keep going. You might be surprised by the number of times that I've considered abandoning blogging. Leaving this space for dead and just moving on.

What brings me back? I can't say that it's my love for writing, because if that were the case, then I would write in a private space. It's not for the publicity, either. Clearly. Part of me feels an obligation to stay here to and keep putting down my thoughts. I'm not sure if the obligation is to others, or myself, or to both. I'm not even sure if I'm good at this anymore. How do you know when you've gone past the point of no return?

It's almost like throwing in the towel during a stage of infertility treatments. It's a guessing game. When is enough enough? How far can (or will) you take things? This is how I feel about blogging at this very moment. I don't know what, if anything, I have left to give. I don't necessarily want to be done, but I also don't know if I can keep going, either.

That leaves me here: one day past my blogoversary. It leaves me thinking back to everything that my blog was and is and wondering what it will become.

Wondering if it will be here to celebrate a 6th blogoversary.

7 comments:

Dianne S said...

I hope you will still be here. I have enjoyed your writing and appreciate your openess about adoption and how the process works.

Kelley said...

Well I for one love reading your blog and following along. xo

aryanhwy said...

I guess I'm rather lucky; I started my blog a few months after my husband and I moved overseas, because I wanted a way to keep people up to date on what was going on in our lives without spamming them with long unsolicited emails. It's been 8 years now that we've not lived in the US, and I still continue to find things in my life that I think will be of interest to my family and friends. My blog never had an agenda, or a purpose, beyond me writing down things that interested me. It's seen me through four years as a Ph.D. student, the tenuous post-Ph.D.-job-hunting years, pregnancy, and, now, two years of parenting. I've found my blog has been a far better baby book than I could ever have written otherwise, and my life is still interesting enough that I doubt I'll ever lack for things to say.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you're writing for other people, then maybe you are past your peak. But if you're still writing for yourself, and you derive pleasure and/or satisfaction from it, why not keep going?

gailcanoe said...

I hope you'll stay. I enjoy reading and following along. And, I think you have a unique perspective in that you experienced infertility and then chose to adopt (and yet didn't miraculously become pregnant, as everyone says infertile people do).

It Is What It Is said...

I would imagine that, over time, an answer to what to do with this space will come to you. I find that if I allow myself to be fluid, feel one way one day and maybe an opposite way the next, that eventually I settle on a new normal.

For selfish reasons I would hate for you to give up this space, especially with so much life change going on, but I get it and have similar feelings.

Maybe now that I've reached where I was headed with creating and completing our family, there's not as much of interest to post, even for myself. But, I would miss the handful of readers who have been along since the beginning. They are my invisible chosen family.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Whatever you choose to do, I will understand and support you 100%. But damn, if aryanhwy above doesn't have the best answer.

Sarah said...

Just because you don't write in a private space doesn't mean you do not write for the love of writing. I have thought about this a lot too, and consider myself past my blogging prime, but I know when I take a break from my blog, over time, I am drawn back in. And it isn't for comments or page hits, its because somehow blogging allows me to sort my thoughts in a way few other things can. I have found my voice on my blog, and I am not willing to give up that voice.