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Thursday, November 15, 2012

firsts and lasts

I thought that the arrival of K would cure my holiday blues, but it hasn't. Instead, I'm facing a different sort of holiday depression this year.

Time is going by too fast.

We have teeth coming in. She's almost sitting up unassisted. She's rolling both ways. We set up the high chair last night, and we're starting solid foods this weekend.

We are quickly coming into her first holiday season, which will fade away just as fast.

Don't get me wrong. I'm HAPPY she's growing and thriving. The doctor can't believe how well she's doing. She's not only passed all of her four-month development marks, she's doing some things that shouldn't even start until six months. And she's a premie. It's truly unbelievable - a miracle considering the circumstances into which she was born.

Yet, it's hard for me to not want her to stay small forever. All of her firsts are our lasts. Every time I witness her doing something for the first time - whether it's as small as putting her pacifier back in her mouth or as big as her sitting up unassisted - I know that I will never witness that moment again.

So with Thanksgiving coming up next week, and Christmas right around the corner from that, I'm already feeling nostalgic. I can't wait to experience all of the exciting moments I know are ahead in the next month and a half.

But I'm also incredibly sad that I will never get them again.

11 comments:

Jin said...

Awwwww. Yeah, it's a sad moment, but the stuff ahead is just as awesome and you'll be even more awed at what she can do!

Dawn said...

Savor the first holidays, but try to keep mind that each year the holidays are so much more fun. I can't wait for Christmas with the boys this year!

someday-soon said...

I never truly understood the phrase "live in the moment" until I had a baby. Time goes by so, so fast and you just don't get re-do's {{{HUGS}}} The only peace I find is that every stage is more fun than the last and it's amazing to be a part of that.

Erica said...

I know the feeling all too well. I am trying to take in all that the Twins are learning, saying, doing, exploring for the fact at this rate they will be my "only" children.

Becky said...

I find a lot of parenting moments with my boys are bittersweet in this way. All we can do is try to live in those moments.

Reagan and Trevor's Mommy said...

Oh how I understand your sentiments! I literally mourned every size of clothing and diapers because it was going too fast. And here is an awful confession...I didn't push potty training on my oldest because I didn't want all of her baby-ness to end yet. Now she is almost 4 and I seriously question myself on that one as she isn't 100% yet but oh well, she will get there.

manymanymoons said...

I could have written this myself. :(

Ginger said...

I understand and wrote a similar post once myself. I'm sure it is tough with anyone's last child, but I felt like it was probably especially tough with an only child. As unimaginable as this was to me before it happened, there did reach a point where my joy in the moment started to outpace my grieving for the last stage. It was around 1 year old, and continues about a year later. I still struggle with the passing of time and phases, but it is not quite as heart-wrenching now. Hugs.

Adele said...

I'm so glad she's doing so well. She truly sounds like she is thriving, in every sense of the word. But, yes, it's such a bittersweet thing. Each step, each stage. Knowing you won't be there again. (Sniff.)

Stephanie said...

What a true post. Their firsts are also your lasts. Definitely treasure every moment with her, as I know you do. I hope you all have a wonderful FIRST holiday season together! :)

Mellow MW Mama said...

I totally get it. It really does go way too fast, L was growing out of clothes left and right when he was little - I think he was in 9 month clothes at 3 months. It just made me so sad.