Wednesday, June 20, 2012

stuck at the top

Infertility is a roller coaster. So is adoption, and so is every separate adoption situation. This situation has to be one of the most nerve-wracking roller-coaster rides I've ever been on.

I don't know what to write - mostly because I still don't know what's going on. The attorney finally reached the expectant mother yesterday. She didn't speak to the other couple over the weekend either, but said she was still interested in speaking with both of us. The attorney asked her to get back to him on the best times for us to arrange a call late yesterday. It's now nearly 48 hours after they spoke and we've heard nothing. We assume this means that he didn't hear back from her or can't reach her again. I tried contacting the attorney's office this afternoon, but no one answered.

It's hard to know what to think. If I had to guess what's happening, I think she's probably scared to make a decision - which is why she's pushing this off. I think the attorney is getting that vibe, too, because he told her she needs to buckle down and make a choice soon (the baby is due in six weeks, and she still wants to meet the couple she chooses at least once before she gives birth).

People keep asking me how I feel, and what can I say? It sounds horrible, but I want it to end. Regardless of what she decides, I just want the limbo to be over so we can move forward.

I used to love roller coasters before we started trying to adopt. Now they just remind me of this feeling: the one where your stomach is stuck in your throat and you can't get it out. Unfortunately, on this particular ride, the operator has left the stand, which leaves my stomach permanently in my throat.

All I can do is hope that the operator returns soon. Until then, I just shut my eyes tight, try not to cry, and silently repeat to myself, "I. Want. Off."

18 comments:

Arlyne said...

Oh sweetie, I can't even begin to imagine what you guys are going through right now!! The "not knowing" is always the worst!!! :( sending you tons of love & (((hugs))) & praying for all of you, including the birth mother. xoxoxo

S said...

Ugh. Although I have never tried to adopt, I can fully understand the feeling you describe of just wanting the limbo to be over. I think we can deal with just about anything, once we know what it is. It's the anticipation and waiting that sucks the most.

Here's hoping that you get an answer soon and that it's the "right" one for you, this birth mother and her baby.

M said...

I hope she makes a decision soon.

lparsons15 said...

I don't blame you, I can't imagine how hard this is for you guys..Some kind of answer is needed. I have hope for you! I hate this situation you are in!

Elizabeth said...

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. :( Unfortunately, I think it seems like that's not too strange of a situation for adoption. I imagine it's difficult for some birthhmoms to realize the turmoil they can put us through! When you aren't in charge of the roller coaster you're on, it's a pretty stressful ride! Hoping it's over soon, and with a happy ending. Sorry for all the icky stress.

It Is What It Is said...

I dare say that it is likely the circumstances of her life that she is not responsive moreso than she isn't sure she wants to place or doesn't want to make a decision about which couple. Some birth mothers can be, um, unreliable.

I am sure you are factoring this into your decision as well. You need to be in a situation where the birth mother is as responsible as circumstances allow as you are placing your fate in her hands, to a degree. Make sure, as this plays out, that it feels right to you. As Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Emily said...

I cannot imagine how hard this waiting is for you both! On the one hand, there's still hope that you might be chosen. On the other hand, it's totally understandable to just want the whole thing to be over. I really hope that it all works out in your favor, I'm keeping my fingers crossed here! Hopefully you'll know sooner rather than later what's going to happen. Hang in there!

Leslie said...

I am sorry I have not posted in quite some time. I am sorry you are going through this limbo! Limbo is no fun. I hope that you receive an answer soon. I am praying that it is good news and that she has finally come to a decision to choose you!

Geochick said...

I'm sorry about this situation you're in. *hugs*

missohkay said...

Well, jeez. I want an answer for you too. I can't imagine that being stuck at the top is so hard. R and I have been rooting so hard for you guys.

Tammy said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers, Katie. I want this for you so badly. Sending lots of love your way.

nobabyruth said...

While I understand the feeling of just wanting to get THERE already, wherever THERE may be, I do think that it's still "good" news that no decision has been made. Means that little one might still be meant for you (are you still feeling good about it?).

I can only imagine all the thoughts that are running through the expectant mother's head and I would imagine she's going through a bit of denial.

For your sake and hers I do hope that she bucks up, makes those calls, and makes a decision soon. And I hope that decision brings you a baby.

m said...

oh katie, hang in there. Your post really rung true with me today. Here we are, stuck at the top, waiting to start a gestational carrier cycle. And I'm not excited, I'm not nervous. I really just want to know if this will work. I want off too.

The situation you describe does sound a lot like butterflies and nerves and gosh, what a decision she has in front of her. I can imagine needing a few minutes to step back and assess. But I can also see all of the other lives pulled into this who need to know the indecision isn't going to last forever.

Hoping a conversation happens soon. And it leads to the end result you want the most.

nurslouisa said...

That sounds awful and I can empathize with you, I'm stuck in IF limbo land and it sucks. I just keep saying to myself "this too shall pass".

Dawn said...

I'm sorry you don't have more answers. Thinking of you!

missohkay said...

Um, my comment was suppose to say I *CAN* imagine. I suspect you understood that was a typo and not a slap in the face :)

Rach said...

That would be so difficult. I was happy our agency never told us our profile was being shown (except once for a special situation). Waiting on that one situation was horrible so I know the feeling. I hate the limbo. Hope you hear one way or another SOON!

Alex said...

This sounds so hard - I don't blame you for wanting to get off. I hope this resolves very quickly...