Infertility is a roller coaster. So is adoption, and so is every separate adoption situation. This situation has to be one of the most nerve-wracking roller-coaster rides I've ever been on.
I don't know what to write - mostly because I still don't know what's going on. The attorney finally reached the expectant mother yesterday. She didn't speak to the other couple over the weekend either, but said she was still interested in speaking with both of us. The attorney asked her to get back to him on the best times for us to arrange a call late yesterday. It's now nearly 48 hours after they spoke and we've heard nothing. We assume this means that he didn't hear back from her or can't reach her again. I tried contacting the attorney's office this afternoon, but no one answered.
It's hard to know what to think. If I had to guess what's happening, I think she's probably scared to make a decision - which is why she's pushing this off. I think the attorney is getting that vibe, too, because he told her she needs to buckle down and make a choice soon (the baby is due in six weeks, and she still wants to meet the couple she chooses at least once before she gives birth).
People keep asking me how I feel, and what can I say? It sounds horrible, but I want it to end. Regardless of what she decides, I just want the limbo to be over so we can move forward.
I used to love roller coasters before we started trying to adopt. Now they just remind me of this feeling: the one where your stomach is stuck in your throat and you can't get it out. Unfortunately, on this particular ride, the operator has left the stand, which leaves my stomach permanently in my throat.
All I can do is hope that the operator returns soon. Until then, I just shut my eyes tight, try not to cry, and silently repeat to myself, "I. Want. Off."