Friday, May 25, 2012

why i left twitter

I made the decision earlier this week that this would be my last week on Twitter. As of this morning, my account no longer exists.

A number of people asked me why I chose to delete my account. Many assumed that something triggered it. To set the record straight, no one made me angry. No one upset me. No one tweeted nasty things about me or to me.

It's just time to move forward.

I started tweeting through a separate blog account when 1) I felt that my infertility-related tweets were taking over too much of my personal Twitter account, and 2) When many people stopped blogging and turned to Twitter to connect with one another for support. For years, it was a source of comfort to me. If I was having a bad day or if another treatment had failed, I knew I could log into my account and get the support I need or read stories from those going through similar trials.

Lately, my feelings have changed. When we started the adoption process, I felt "on the outs," so to speak. I didn't feel like I had much in common anymore with those who were still going through medical treatments. And by the time we got our home study approval (October) and signed with our first agency (November), I felt almost completely isolated. Almost everyone was pregnant or had their babies. Today, most of the posts on my feed are about breastfeeding and planning first, and even second, birthday parties.

I think Alex said it best in her post: there's nothing wrong with this. I simply can't relate. I have nothing to bring to the table. I have nothing to bring to the conversation. And sadly, there are a number of people whose hands I held virtually through their journey who aren't/haven't been around to hold mine. Twitter only serves as a bitter reminder of this for me, and I don't want to be bitter. I want to be happy. I want to be able to live my life free of feeling this way. I don't want to be that girl.

Which leads me to my only solution: saying good-bye to Twitter. I am and will be forever grateful to Twitter for introducing me to some amazing women who I will have lasting connections with. I am grateful for the support it did provide me at one time. But I also know that those who wish to stay updated on my journey will do so - with or without my tweets - and it's those people I thank the most. Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin. I hope that you will stay until the end.

Whatever that end entails.

20 comments:

Brittany said...

I'm sad to see you go but I understand your reasons why! I wish you the best of luck and will continue to follow your journey through your blog & your facebook page! ~Brittany

Jin said...

Totally understand. I'm sorry I didn't realize that it was your last week on twitter - I'm hardly on since starting back at work, and didn't realize until I hit up facebook this morning and saw your post. But I'm here for ya!

Marybeth said...

I completely understand considering I feel I will be "on the outs" for the rest of my life. There is no grand hope in our future for a child so it makes it quite difficult to follow many that are, like you said for example planning birthdays. We are even becoming lapped by some our old IV friends as they're having their second children. I only follow the close friends I made in this journey. The ones I can be truly happy for in their parenthood. To others I cannot. That might be wrong, but there is still a bitterness in me that may never go away. I wish you the best of everything, and will always be your friend on facebook :)

Rachel said...

I completely understand your reasons for leaving Twitter. While I do still have several friends going through medical treatments or the adoption process, most have already rounded me and are pregnant or have new babies. While I'm thrilled for them, it's hard for me. I also understand that you feel like you have nothing in common with those of us still doing treatments because I rarely know what to say to those going through an adoption. I'm still following your Facebook page and will miss you on Twitter, but I get it :-)

It Is What It Is said...

I never 'got' twitter (& maybe it's my age), but I have not today in 140 characters.

I will say that I felt similarly about blogging when we made the decision to stop treatment & pursue domestic adoption, that I was isolated & completely disconnected & unsupported. There is something singular about the adoption process thatis dissimilar to infertility or ART. I never quite understood it & still don't, but maybe it has to do with the lengthy, step by step process of ART that people feel they can cheeryouon at each step, vs. adoption which, once you complete your home study is about waiting & blogging about how the wait is affecting you without having anything tangible to report. Again, I don't know, but I can relate. Anecdotally, once I decided to pursue a cycle with donated embryos, my readership & comments went up significantly and, while I am so gratelul, it isn't lost on me that these folks disn't connect with or weren't interested in my adoption journey.

All this to say, I am still here, still supporting you & hoping that the child you are meant to have comes to you sooner vs later.

sassyNtubeless said...

sad to see you leave twitter, but totally understand!!! xoxox hugs keep in touch via my dh fb and email :)

Her Royal Fabulousness said...

Even though I am someone who is still on the journey of having a biological child, I often feel I get very little from twitter too. Maybe it's just that it moves so fast and it's difficult to keep up unless you can check in several times a day, but it just doesn't do it for me. I am only on a couple of times a week at this point. I found you through your blog and intend to keep following you the way nature intended. :)

Dawn said...

You have every right to protect your feelings! I'll always be rooting you on no matter what direction your life takes.

Lauren said...

I completely understand where you're coming from. You will be missed on Twitter, but I'll continue to follow you here.

S said...

I started reading your blog at a time when we were at similar points in our journey--married close to the same amount of time, TTC about the same length of time--and have continued to read since our paths have diverged.

I will continue to follow your story and support you for as long as you decide to continue writing about it. :-)

mommy someday said...

Hello from ICLW! Wishing you all the best!

Secret Sloper said...

I'll miss your regular updates on twitter and all the tweets about the little, everyday stuff. But I understand your decision. And of course I will follow along with the blog.

Kristin said...

I can completely understand your reasoning behind your decision. I hope you find the support you need on your adoption journey.

ICLW #65

Amber said...

Boy do I understand this sentiment! (This is also why my blog hasn't seen a new post in over a month.) It's just HARD.

lparsons15 said...

I totally get this, I feel this way everyday on Twitter, I can't relate to 95% of the people there, but yet I keep going back...Anyway, I will keep up with you and be in touch! Laurie

MoonNStarMommy said...

(((HUGS))) There are people out there who completely understand. I personally don't - but I love to support and be a friend to anyone I can who wants it from me. I hope your journey goes well and I'm sorry people can't get their act together to continue to support a "friend" even if they don't understand...

Happy ICLW from #3

missohkay said...

I agree that I felt a lack of support on twitter during my adoption, though I mostly chalked it up to my inability to tell anyone anything about the adoption. I would have been disappointed to share things and get no reaction. Now that Miss E is here, I'm finding twitter more useful again because I can ask on-the-other-side questions. I miss you on there already but glad you're sticking around here!

Tillie said...

Girl I understand 150billion percent. I have taken a HUGE step back from twitter lately. I am tired of the IF mess being what consumes my time. Not trying to have a kid anymore you just don't want that to be all you read. It brings up too many memories and each pregnancy or baby it shows me yet again what I don't have and will probably will never have. I am about to do a spring cleaning honestly and if that doesn't fix it I will definitely close mine and maybe reopen it. Who knows. I am barely blogging right now anyway since my life is so insane...It sucks not sharing everything that is going on, but for my sanity, I kinda have to. I don't want people judging me...Sorry I have rambled for hours now ;)

myunassuminglife said...

I can also relate 100%... now that we're on a TTC break... I do not feel that I can really relate to most people in the IF community - esp. on twitter.... And, I also feel that isolated feeling through my blog which is no longer TTC related.... it's sad. But I guess it is what it is....

However, know that there will always be people there to support you -- the few tweeps I've kept in touch with and bloggers who have made an effort have been amazing and remind me that those who matter... will always be around!!

xxxxx

Logical Libby said...

You have to do what's right for you. And that means breaking ties when they are no longer useful.

I will miss your tweets though. I guess I will just have to be better with my blog reading.