I made the decision earlier this week that this would be my last week on Twitter. As of this morning, my account no longer exists.
A number of people asked me why I chose to delete my account. Many assumed that something triggered it. To set the record straight, no one made me angry. No one upset me. No one tweeted nasty things about me or to me.
It's just time to move forward.
I started tweeting through a separate blog account when 1) I felt that my infertility-related tweets were taking over too much of my personal Twitter account, and 2) When many people stopped blogging and turned to Twitter to connect with one another for support. For years, it was a source of comfort to me. If I was having a bad day or if another treatment had failed, I knew I could log into my account and get the support I need or read stories from those going through similar trials.
Lately, my feelings have changed. When we started the adoption process, I felt "on the outs," so to speak. I didn't feel like I had much in common anymore with those who were still going through medical treatments. And by the time we got our home study approval (October) and signed with our first agency (November), I felt almost completely isolated. Almost everyone was pregnant or had their babies. Today, most of the posts on my feed are about breastfeeding and planning first, and even second, birthday parties.
I think Alex said it best in her post: there's nothing wrong with this. I simply can't relate. I have nothing to bring to the table. I have nothing to bring to the conversation. And sadly, there are a number of people whose hands I held virtually through their journey who aren't/haven't been around to hold mine. Twitter only serves as a bitter reminder of this for me, and I don't want to be bitter. I want to be happy. I want to be able to live my life free of feeling this way. I don't want to be that girl.
Which leads me to my only solution: saying good-bye to Twitter. I am and will be forever grateful to Twitter for introducing me to some amazing women who I will have lasting connections with. I am grateful for the support it did provide me at one time. But I also know that those who wish to stay updated on my journey will do so - with or without my tweets - and it's those people I thank the most. Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin. I hope that you will stay until the end.
Whatever that end entails.