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Thank you for all of your support over the years! xo

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

crash and burn

I'm suffering from burn out.

From work. Blogging. Adoption. Life. I've been saving my vacation for when we are finally matched/placed, but I've decided to stop doing that since it doesn't appear we'll even be matched before my PTO expires in October. I need time away. I need time where I sit around and do nothing, or go - take off and enjoy life.

***

Last night I sat on the nursery floor and thought back to when we decorated it. We were so positive and hopeful. I thought that sitting there would somehow make me more positive and hopeful. Instead, I felt nothing. Emptiness.

I want that hope and that positivity to come back, but I worry it's gone. For good.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

The matching process for adoptions is so random -- you could get a call in 2 hours or 2 months or, sorry to say, 2 years. I'd consider planning a vacation for September.

msfitparent said...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate to this post so much, and I remember feeling this way during our wait, as well.

I remember reaching this same point, and I finally decided to stop saving up my vacation time and to plan a trip that would feel good and restorative for where we were, right then. As it turned out, we were matched only a couple of weeks after that trip. Even though I have less paid time off available now, I am so glad I gave myself a break and took the time off while we were waiting.

It is such a tough journey, and I really believe that you have to do whatever you can to nurture yourself now, as hard as that is.

Sending you big hugs. xoxox

Carli said...

Katie, I completely understand how you feel. I think that (just like all IF treatments), burn out happens very easily with adoption when month after month happens and there is still no baby in your arms - or your nursery. I distinctly remember feeling that same burn out when we were waiting on our donor embryo waiting list.

Perhaps a vacation is just what you need...thinking of you.

Arlyne said...

giant, giant (((HUGS))) Katie!!! I know that there are no words to make this agonizing wait any better, so just know that I'm thinking of you & am here for whatever you need. xoxoxo

S said...

Hugs. I hope you can take a break and come back to everything feeling refreshed.

Seriously said...

I did that exact same thing when we were still in the adoption process. Sat on the floor in the room I had painted...

Waiting is so hard...especially when you've been at this for years, I so get that.

Go ahead and live your life. Take that vacation. My husband and I stopped planning to do things 'when the baby comes' because it was just getting to be too long.

So sorry you're in this funk. Waiting is heartwrenching, especially when you tack on the whole shibang.

It will get better. Fill your heart with what makes you happy...now. Detach from the outcome of having that child to make you happy.

Sending you peace and hope that you and the hubs can plan something special together.

It Is What It Is said...

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that compares to the adoption match/placement wait.

Abiding with you.

missohkay said...

I'm sorry you're in a slump but I have faith that fun things to look forward to will return. Until then - hugs and hugs and hugs.

lparsons15 said...

oh Katie...I wish I could give you a huge hug! Please Please don't lose hope, it has to happen!

KAM said...

Ugh. I'm sorry. I know what you're feeling. We've been on the waiting list a year as of June 3rd. I have an entire house in design limbo waiting for that call. No more. I'm not waiting my life away. We're in the process of updating our homestudy, but thinking about trying again, as scary as that is. It just gets so frustrating and overwhelming.

Babylicious said...

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much right now. You're amazingly strong to have survived this long without being burnt out.

I'd say take that time before it expires and do something relaxing and fun. You'll only feel worse if it expires and you haven't used it.

Alex said...

It's not surprising after all you've gone through that you're suffering burn out! I really think you need to take that vacation - do something good for yourself!!! Thinking of you...

Daryl said...

I'm sorry. I know the feeling. Maybe some time away will bring back some of that hope. Sending you hugs.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. A brief post and yet it speaks volumes.

Take the PTO and get a break, some restoration, a reminder of other joys in life, whatever you need.

When you need the time it will be there or you will find it somehow.

Wishing you replenishment...

Patience said...

My heart goes out to you. I'm feeling some of those same feelings. We've been waiting for a long time too- through adoption and through infertility. I'm having such a hard time staying hopeful. Taking our trip last year was the best thing we did and I still think back to those memories when I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I hope you are able to find some time for yourself. You are in my thoughts...

Brave IVF Girl said...

It's all a rollercoaster - it's impossible to always have hope and stay positive. But it *is* a rollercoaster, so this too shall pass. *hugs*

Rebecca said...

I hope you can take some time away and rejuvenate. You've been doing so much. Many ((hugs)).

Anonymous said...

I've definetly felt that way. I just got matched on Friday after 1 year 9 months of waiting. The hope dies return, with caution, but it returns. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

sounds like a vacation is needed and maybe a really good glass of red wine! sorry it's so hard. hopefully a break to de-stress will do the trick! take care!

AnotherDreamer said...

Oh hun, I hope that things get better and progress soon. I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated right now. And for everything you're dealing with. I just hate that you're still waiting.

Teresa said...

I don't know you but, I'm also in an adoption wait so can relate. Hang in there, and take that vacation! We went through the same discussion recently, but I think the time put towards mental health is worth it in the long run. I'm glad you're blogging. I don't have a blog, but it means a lot to me to be able to check in on other people who are also waiting.

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I am hoping you find your hope! Take a mental health day and rest up!

PCOSChick said...

I so understand this....we will forget about this all & just have the fun we both deserve to have in July xoxo

Dawn said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down. But I think it's understandable given the circumstances. I think some time away is exactly what you need! I hope that it will help you get some of that hope back.

Kathryn said...

Have you talked with Betty Smith at Little Bit of Heaven Adoption Referral? I recommend it, if you haven't chatted with her so far.

Kathy W