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Thursday, April 12, 2012

month 5

Sunday marked 5 months on the waiting list, and surprisingly, I'm in a good place right now. It's probably the best place I've been in mentally and emotionally all year - even despite the fact that I just moved into my "late 20s." (Thank you all for the birthday wishes, by the way.) Here's a little bit about what's going on in my world:

1. The situation that occurred a couple of weeks ago taught us to be a little more proactive with our adoption plan. No more sitting back and waiting for our agency to do the work. Aside from signing with the attorney, we also joined and we will be signing with an agency in Utah that has a free outreach program, meaning no up-front fees. This means that we will be learning about situations from four different sources, in addition to any situations that are sent to us by friends, family members, and other people in our adoption network. I also know that too much networking can and will drive me crazy. So, I limit myself to an hour per day to look at our profile, check adoption message boards, and read about new situations on

2. In the same sense, we've also had to come to terms with the fact that our agency isn't doing much for us. Not too many matches have occurred since we signed with them, and they confirmed that they are showing profiles in the order of those who've been waiting longest. This means our profile has only been shown three times in five months. Not great. We realize that we may need to fork out more money to sign with a consultant at some point this year, but we can't afford to do this without jeopardizing our funds set aside for the actual adoption costs. That said, we're cutting expenses even further than we did at the beginning of the year. We just cut out cable, and wow does it feel good! We also are looking for ways to make and/or raise money. Within the next couple of weeks, we'll be launching an Etsy shop on which several very generous and caring friends will be selling arts and crafts. (Please contact me if you're interested in selling!) Now that grad school is just about finished, I'm looking for freelance editing opportunities, too, in addition to the possibility of self-publishing. These will also be great time fillers now that homework won't be what's keeping me from going crazy during this wait.

3. Which brings me to this awesome news: I'm *this* close to being done with grad school. My last assignment is due in just ten days, and I hope to complete it early so that I'll have time to relax before my surgery on the 25th. I know I might change my mind someday, but as of right now, I never want to go back to school ever again. Going to school full time and working full time was hard. That said, I'm looking forward to now doing things that I want to do in my spare time, rather than doing things I'm forced to do. I can't remember what that feels like!

Overall, no complaints. My anxiety about getting matched has calmed down significantly these past couple of weeks, because I've come to terms with the fact that "it will happen" and can find a balance between being passive (what I was before) and being over the top (what I was right after the expectant mother didn't choose us). It's called being patient. I still haven't quite learned how to master it - even after four years of infertility.

But I'm trying.


Jen said...

Yay for almost being done with grad school AND for lessening anxiety. I"m sure the two will go hand in hand!

Rebecca said...

I'm glad that you're feeling good about the wait right now. I know it has to be so hard to have things so uncertain.

YAY for almost being done with grad school!!!! That's just incredibly awesome!!

AnotherDreamer said...

Awesome about almost being done with grad school! Going to school full time and working is HARD. I don't miss it one bit.

I cut cable when we were doing treatments... still don't miss it! It's kind of liberating, isn't it?

I hope that with how much you're reaching out that you get matched soon. The waiting has to be so hard.

missohkay said...

I'm glad you've found ways to be proactive and I hope they are fruitful. Congrats on grad school - you are impressive for balancing all this at once, my friend!

Three Cats and a Baby said...

I typed out a long thing and then lost it! I am on my nook so it's one finger typing. Basically I said...3 times in 5 months isn't bad. Especially the first 5 months. You're doing everything right. Hang in there. It WILL happen. And CONGRATS on grad school! Huge accomplishment!

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Congrats on grad school. Hope your baby comes home soon. Waiting is so hard...

It Is What It Is said...

So glad you are in a good headspace at the moment.

I am glad to hear that you've expanded your network and am a bit surprised to hear of your agencies practice of showing profiles of those waiting the longest first. I find that highly unethical, even as someone whose profile was active for 15 months.

Jen said...

Sorry, I'm late to the game. I'm so sorry you're feeling frustrated with the agency, and "stuck." This is SUCH a hard journey.

Geochick said...

Good for you for being proactive! It's a lot, but hopefully it will shorten your wait time. It's agony no matter where you are in the process.