Wednesday, March 28, 2012

where i'm at now

I'd be lying if I wrote that I was over it already. I'm not over it already. I probably won't be over it for a few days. I'm just going to let myself ride out on this anger/sadness train until it ends, because I figure if I force myself to be happy and get over it when I'm NOT over it, no one is winning.

Everyone has been supportive, though I have to admit, I'm a little sick of hearing "this just wasn't your time/baby." Is that all anyone knows what to say? YES, I know it's not our time or our baby. Thank you for the reminder.

(Okay, angry and hormonal rant is now over.)

The positives in this? We still don't have any negative comments about our profile - or at least none that either the agency or attorney are telling us. We're revisiting our application with the agency to be more open to certain drug exposures and medical issues, now that we've become more familiar with certain things after this situation. We are also now with two organization. Double the exposure, right?

We both realize that we have to be more patient. You'd think we would have that down by now after four years of infertility. But I'm also realizing that we need to be more aggressive. I can't be passive with our agency anymore. If you count me emailing them last night, I've only contacted them twice in almost five months. This doesn't mean I'm going to be up their asses, but I'm certainly going to be more proactive with them.

Everyone needs to know we're still here. We're still waiting. We're still eager to be parents.

So, who wants to help me with this? Who wants to help us get our names out there? There are three ways you can help us do this:

1. Like and share our adoption Facebook page.

2. Share this blog.

or

3. Promote our IndieGoGo site (the widget is also on the right-hand column of this page). The campaign ends in 10 days, but I will most likely need to restart it, as we did not hit our goal.

That's it. That's all I've got as far as putting myself out there. Now? I'm going to retreat back into grieving. I'm sure I'll be good as new in just a few days.

Thanks for all the love. We both appreciate it more than you know.

19 comments:

Arlyne said...

Sending tons of love & hugs & thinking of you as always! xoxoxo

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Katie- I TOTALLY hated when people said that, it felt like it erased the grief I was feeling. Which you have every right to...

We went through this about 4 times, and I was so hurt each time. It's hard not to feel passed over by life in general and it lets all of that IF grief back in...

I am glad you know you will be okay in a few days. And I can say now... I don't think no the wait or that pain at all. Keep fighting the good fight and believe. I struggled so hard with believing along the way. But please, look at my story and know it is possible. (I think anyways!)

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Oh hon, I hadn't seen that the other post was updated. I am so sorry. Take the time you need to process this.

Sharing this blog though all my venues.

nicole said...

I can't imagine what you're feeling. After 3.5 ys of infertility all I can say is it sucks!! take care.

It Is What It Is said...

The update didn't come through to my reader so this is the first I am learning the outcome.

The entire adoption paradigm is set up to be hard (I'm not saying it's not right, just that it is hard). The 'pick us, pick us' aspect and the endless waiting. The trying not to get one's hopes up and trying to keep hope alive.

I am sorry. After 15 months live with our agency we never even go to the point of being rejected so I don't know how it feels, but I can relate to the anger and unfairness of how it feels.

Retreat and regroup. It's all you can do.

Rebecca said...

Oh, hon. I'm so incredibly sorry. I was SO hoping this was "it" for you. Sending much love your way as you go through the grief of the anticipation and hope. (((hugs)))

Marianne said...

Already shared your fb page! Hoping your baby finds you soon!!!

KRISTI said...

Hugs and love.

Geochick said...

I'm sorry, I hate that phrase too. I think it's the adoption version of "just relax". Rejection always sucks.

Secret Sloper said...

It seems like the waiting and lack of answers-- why not us?-- keep continuing and don't get any easier to bear with practice. I trust and hope that your match is just around the corner and that you will one day look back at this post with amazement that the happy day was so near at hand. But it is never easy when we're struggling in darkness. ((hugs))

marriage20 said...

I am so sorry, and I can definitely relate. We had a lot of activity at our agency a few months ago where our profile was chosen a bunch of times but never selected. It was the same thing... no one had any negative feedback... they just picked other couples or decided not to place.

We are still waiting, and it is definitely hard. We're trying hard to see the positive sides of waiting, too, and to appreciate the other good things in life. Easier to do on some days than others.

Thinking of you and sending hugs.

Amy said...

Being more assertive is EXACTLY what you need to do. I would suggest calling/emailing every 3-4 weeks to "check in.". And if you decide you want MORE resources, call me.

I am rooting for you guys. And apparently a lot of other people are too.

xo
Amy

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry. Sending hugs your way.

Emms said...

I've been thinking about you. Keeping my fingers crossed that someone picks you soon. I can only imagine how difficult this must be!

marriage20 said...

Hi Katie,

We just joined adoption-share. It's $14.99/month or $120 for a year. There is an attorney from FL and some other agencies who post available situations on the site.

Feel free to email me if you want more information-marriage20blog at gmail dot com.

Wishing you the best!

Mara

Tammy said...

I'm so sorry, Katie. You guys are going to be such amazing parents, and I pray that the day you meet your sweet baby comes very soon. Thinking of you with love.

Katie said...

Thanks, Mara! We actually decided to join. :)

myinfertilitywoes said...

Sending love and hugs your way... xoxo

Courtney said...

Lots of *hugs* coming your way.