We were lucky to find such an amazing person, Amy, to do our home study for us. (Unlike many situations, where couples go directly to an agency and have their home study done through that organization, we decided to go with an independent home study agent. This gave us the option to choose based on her recommendations of who might best meet our needs.) Amy occasionally reads my blog, and she asked me an interesting and unexpected question last week while both of us were working at an adoption/fertility conference. She asked if I planned on keeping this blog after we have a baby.
The short answer is yes. But the long answer is something I haven't thought too much about. I've followed many bloggers since I began writing here three years ago. Most of them have gone on to have babies - some more than one - and many of them have stopped writing all together. Other blogs have evolved into writings about motherhood. Very few remained blogs about infertility.
In no way do I want to stop writing. Nor do I want to turn this into a parenting blog. There's a reason for both: I like writing, and I have no desire to write about parenting. Mostly, I don't care to share my parenting philosophies and likely have them picked apart, and I have no desire to post pictures of my kid 24/7 so that creepy people surfing the web can know what he/she looks like (yes - I am that paranoid). My only other option, and it's not a popular one, is to keep writing about infertility. It's not popular because most people don't do it. Or they can't do it. Part of me understands that. Who wants to keep thinking about infertility after they finally become a parent? Who wants to constantly be reminded of the worst years of their life?
I guess I feel a stronger connection with my disease. Being infertile changed something for me, and I think that change is permanent. A lot of people who adopt after infertility move on to adoption causes, and that's great. For me, though, I feel compelled to continue advocating for my fellow infertiles.
Why? I don't know. Especially since (if I'm being honest) there are times when I am truly tired of advocating. It takes a lot of you, fighting all the time. But for whatever reason, I can't stop. Maybe because I was diagnosed so young, and I don't want young people to feel alone in their suffering. Maybe because I skipped IVF, and I want people to know that it's okay to go against the grain when deciding your path. Maybe because helping people through my volunteer work at RESOLVE helped ME. To gain peace. To gain understanding. To gain friendships and a path.
When I do become a parent, I'm going to try and keep this going. It won't be easy, but I think it's important. If I stop blogging and talking about infertility, it stops just a tiny piece of the progress we've made as a community to break through the barriers set by others about our disease. If I stop blogging and talking about infertility, it perpetuates the myth that infertility ends when you have your child. Cancer survivors don't stop fighting for a cure once they are healthy.
So why should we stop fighting once we become parents?