Please note on your readers that I have a new blog: http://nowaystosayit.com.

If you have any questions, you can email me at katieschaber (at) gmail.com.

Thank you for all of your support over the years! xo

Saturday, November 26, 2011

closed ears

We've been at this for 3.5 years. We've never hidden our infertility. We've been an open book about every treatment, every decision, and every aspect of every path on this journey. If anything, this blog should be testament of this.

So I thought that maybe, just maybe, people "got" it by now.

No. There are still people who don't get it. There are people who don't get that saying certain things to me, to Joey - and even to our parents - is hurtful.

I don't want to sound negative or resentful, because the majority of our family members and friends do get it or have at least made a concerted effort to understand the pain that some comments and questions can bring. Not everyone has, though, and it's frustrating.

This is what I mean when I write that, sometimes, I get tired of fighting. It's like pounding your head against a brick wall. You can advocate and scream all you want. But you can't force people to listen.

I'm tired of trying.

16 comments:

Arlyne said...

Giant (((hugs)))!!!!!! I get it!!

aliciamarie911 said...

We've been at is only a year and a half, and we've encountered our fair share of rude, hurtful comments. You'd think people would begin to understand, but they don't, and I think (for me, at least) It's more hurtful when they don't even try to understand what we are going through. Hugs to you today.

amiracle4us said...

Ahh yes, you are so correct. Some people will never get no matter how many times or ways you try to explain it. Those are the ones I no longer talk to about it and give vague answers like, 'it's going', or 'we are trying to figure things out'. Hugs

KRISTI said...

Hugs!!! And, sadly some people never do get it. Let's develop an "I can't believe you just bleeping said that" look!

someday-soon said...

Sometimes, even the most lovely people, are complete and utter idiots. {{{HUGS}}}

Kelly said...

I totally get it.

Her Royal Fabulousness said...

It's like with anything else - people don't know when to shut up. Example: a few years ago I lost a significant amount of weight. Most people were very sweet about complimenting me. Then one says, "Yeah, good thing you lost some weight - you were really going over the edge." Really?! Some people are just stupid. I'm sorry someone made you upset.

It Is What It Is said...

I am sorry that there is an ignoramus in your midst and that something they said got to you. Some folks are a lost cause and its best to insulate yourself from them by not being in their company (this isn't always feasible but there have been many a family function that we bowed out of, sometimes at the last minute, under some guise, just to avoid being around people who weren't good for us.

Protect yourself.

Jenn and Casey said...

BIG HUGS.

Tammy Schauf said...

Being with family and friends during the holidays unfortunately brings out the "best" in people sometimes. Oh, do I feel your pain there. Sending lots of love your way.

Anonymous said...

I've never commented on a blog before, but I really want to tell you something. My husband and I feel that our infertility issues are a very private and personal matter. I never told anyone, family, friends, colleagues, anyone, what we were going through.
If people like you didn't blog, and didn't speak up, people like me would feel utterly alone. I'm sorry that not everyone understands (which is why I've chosen to keep my secret), but you have been my savior many many times. Thank you. Don't give up.

Ted and Maria said...

We all have our moments of tired giving-up-ness. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that right now.....ugh. People and their stupid comments!

foxy said...

Hey Katie,

First off, I have to apologize. I was so excited to see your adoption fb page that I commented and shared it on my page. Then I realized that I'd just changed my profile picture to one that wasn't very sensitive. It all occurred to me after the fact, and I've been stewing on it since then. No harm was intended.

I am sorry that you are dealing with hurtful comments. I keep realizing that some of the comment that sting the most for us are the ones that come from people who know about our conception with DS, but simply forget and make comments about DH's biological connection to our baby. it hurts more than it should coming from people who should know better. I just hope that with time, our skin will grow thicker and we'll get better at some quick retorts.

hang in there, and again, I hope that my fb actions can be forgiven.

with love - Foxy

Logical Libby said...

I get it. It just gets to the point where you don't want to say "I know you meant well, but" any more.

Keep your head up.

AnotherDreamer said...

(*hugs*) I understand where you're coming from. Some people just never listen, and never try to even understand in the least bit what you're saying. It's hard. Sorry that the comments are still coming... I don't think they ever really end. And that makes things so much harder. It's really disheartening when you try to make people understand, and you try, but it feels like you're not getting anywhere. Sorry you're feeling this way and going through this. I wish things were easier.

M said...

((hugs)) People who have never been in your shoes will never get it. I'm sorry.