Each of us have felt this at some point during our journey - the feeling of being outside of a circle and not knowing how to sympathize or respond. A string of pregnancy announcements comes along while we are dealing with a failed cycle. A few of our friends are experiencing losses on the same week we find out the gender of our baby. It happens to all of us.
I am grateful to those of you who, despite achieving pregnancy or becoming mothers, have stuck around to support me. But there are some who haven't. In the same sense, there are times when I simply cannot be there for those who are pregnant or new moms, not even so much because it's painful, but because I don't understand. I can't relate to those experiences, so I don't know what to say. Sometimes, the only response I can come up with is nothing. Sometimes, I can only reply "Congratulations on reaching ___ weeks in your pregnancy!" before I sound like an insincere, broken record. (And, for the record, I'm very sincere. It's just all I know to say.)
And it's no ones fault. None of us are to blame, or all of us are to blame. We all do it. We don't comment on a blog post about a difficult pregnancy or reach out to someone going through a tough time with their child because how can we relate? We don't offer words of encouragement to someone still battling with infertility because we have survivors guilt. We do all of these things to protect ourselves and one another.
But in the end, are we only causing more pain?