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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

every infertile's worst nightmare

Here's the gist how my appointment went down:

Dr. P: So, tell me - how old are you?
Me: 25
Dr. P: Oh, GREAT! You are so young! (Strike 1)
Me: (fake smile)
Dr. P: Tell me about your history with infertility.
Me: (insert long, boring, sad history here - with a happy ending of "we're adopting!")
Dr. P: Well, you know. I've had at least ten patients with infertility who have adopted. And within six months, all of them have come back and been pregnant! So you should think about that before you seriously consider adoption. (Strike 2)
Me: (not so realistic fake smile)
Dr. P: You know what else about adoption? It's long. It's hard. It's emotionally draining. It's just a big pain in the butt. (Strike 3)
Me: Yeah? So is infertility.

Of course, I'm paraphrasing here. And all of the negatives about adoption continued until he left the room. I quickly dressed, paid my co-pay, and walked out.

But I'm not paraphrasing when I say that I cried the entire way home.

60 comments:

Marla said...

Jackass! He should know better! For Chrissakes! Shit! I'm pissed for you! Insanely pissed!

Erin said...

I am seriously fuming right now. What an a**hole! I hope you never have to see him again.

Bobbi Janay said...

I would file a complaint with his office mgr, about his behavior.

Stephanie said...

What an idiot! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! It just makes me so angry that a doctor would act like that!

Secret Sloper said...

Ugh, men! I'm sorry Katie. I think sometimes RE's see a young patient as a great opportunity to boost their IVF stats and can't resist pushing you into going that route. I got the impression from our brief consult with the other RE we didn't choose that he was that way, too.

Kelly said...

I agree. I'd file a complaint about his behavior also. That's just so not ok on so many levels.

I'm sorry, Katie.

JC said...

What an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!! Muther effer.

Jen said...

Totally unacceptable. You should absolutely write a letter and tell him how insensitive and inappropriate his comments were. Maybe include information from Resolve.org about what NOT to say to people struggling w infertility? What the heck is wrong with people? Jackass.

Hugs, sweetie.

My So-Called (TTC) Life said...

Oh I am SO angry with your OB! What an effing asshole! Seriously, how dare he down adoption! I 100% agree with Bobbi Janay: file a complaint with his mgr or, better yet, write him a letter letting him know how insensitive and hurtful his comments were. Maybe he'll get a clue. I'm so sorry this appt. made you so sad. *HUGS* xo

JJ said...

I am so sorry--I had a very similar experience and it upset me so much--people are soooo insensitive! Sending you hugs from here, and Ill be glad to do some shin kicking.

Jen said...

*SIGH*. That seriously seems like a parody of a bad appointment, like a SNL skit!. That REALLY sucks. I'm sorry. It's so irritating that these people are DOCTORS!

Kakunaa said...

Oh, man! Please tell me you have other alternatives! What a jackass.

CoffeeBlue said...

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I had an OB appointment this morning as well. Everyone was nice and I still cried all the way home. I'm sorry you had to put up with such an a**hole. Maybe you should send him a copy of your post with all of our comments at the end. What an uneducated jerk.

Christa said...

I agree with all the comments on here; I can't imagine how you kept your compsure while dealing with such a first rate arse.

I hope you teach him a lesson, if that's what you chosse to do.

Michaela said...

What a D'bag!! I had the opposite comments come from my general practitioner when I told him I was trying to get pregnant. He said to me "Now, you're 42! Why now? You should just adopt" Either way they need to keep their comments to themselves!!

Kim said...

What a dickhead. I am so sorry Katie. That man deserves a kick in the nuts for each strike againts him.

Littlest True Blue said...

Some doctors r dicks! I'm so sorry u had such a crappy experience with this ignorant doctor! U know u r making the right choice for u and Joey so screw that annoying doctor! Thinking of u!

Rach said...

How awful. Sorry you had to experience that.

Trisha said...

I'm so sorry! Big hugs to you! Unfortunately that's probably just the beginning of negative things you'll hear. I don't know why people do that or say those things. But you know what's right for your family!

the2weekwait said...

Jeez. I don't even know what to say other than clearly, this is NOT the doctor for you... or pretty much anyone who has dealt with and/or continues to deal with infertility. UNbelievable. I'm VERY sorry you had to deal with that.

~C~ said...

That is appalling. And this was from an RE? Of all doctors, shouldn't one of those know better?

Dawn said...

I cannot believe this happened. I'm so angry and I cannot believe he would say those things to you. What a moron! I'm so sorry this happened to you!

someday-soon said...

I can't believe he said those things and that you cried all the way home {{{HUGS}}}

Rita said...

This doctor is a complete dick. I would complain and I would definitely say something to the doctors that referred you to this ass.

Can I tell you how much I want to punch him in the face??

((hugs))

Alex said...

Unbelievable - this is awful! I'm so sorry you had to experience this.

Marica said...

:-(

Krista said...

CLUELESS! If I get one more person telling me to just adopt and then I'll miraculously get pregnant....I will SCREAM!!! to you!

heartincharge said...

Impossible. I can't believe that really happened. You know the OB was wrong, the OB sucks, and YOU know what's best for you. He is just another one of the ignorant people in this world and he happens to be a doctor. His opinion on this subject is irrelevant. Can you tell I'm pissed and riled up?
Hugs for you. Wish I could wipe your tears.

Ana said...

What a clueless jerk!! Reading that makes me want to punch him in the face and tell him to get a clue.

amiracle4us said...

WHat an insensitive jerk! He gives MD'S a bad name by not listening to his patients desires. It's not like you are ill informed of your options-you guys have chosen what is best for you and NO one knows that better than you! Don't let a 'weenie of a man' bring you down! You are strong, courageous and a role model to many of us infertilites :). Hugs
Xo
M

The Steffens said...

OMFG that horrible awful man. I want to kick him in the nards. Hard.

I would seriously complain to someone, anyone about him. What a horrible doctor.

I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. And eff him and the "hard draining process" b.s. I'm pretty sure what you've already been through is pretty damn hard and draining.

So so sorry.

Rebecca said...

What an ass!!! I can't believe that. What is wrong with "regular" OB/Gyn's that they have no concept of infertility. OMG with the damn "just adopt and you'll get pregnant" myth. I can't believe it. I'm so sorry. Ugh. I'm really pissed for you. I'm impressed you didn't slap him.

AplusB said...

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. What a moron.

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

What a dillhole!

(yes, that is my word of the month - feel free to use it!)

I am in shock he actually said all of that to you...

Michelle said...

I am so angry for you. This is crap and I don't think you should see this doctor anymore!

Miracle in the Making said...

rude rude rude! I'm pissed off for you!

Jennifer said...

What on earth was he thinking? I just don't get it.

So sorry you had to deal with him.

Kerrik said...

What an ass! Seriously, most doctors don't know anything about how to talk to their patients. It is not something they teach them in medical school. Somehow, that isn't considered so important.

Kerrik said...

P.S. I agree that you should not go back to this doctor.

Kaitake said...

No, not even doctors have the right to treat you like that! Whatever happened to "first do no harm"? I agree with the others about writing a letter of complaint, I'm in the letter writin' stage too. Haruumph! So sorry you had to go thru this, I understand what an awful thing it is to have a doctor with absolutely no clue. Big hugs!! :)

T said...

Pardon my language...but F him! He has no idea what you have been through, what you feel, how you have come to the decision to adopt! Who the F does he think he is!!!
I am so sorry he upset you so much. He does not sound worth it. Any other docs you can go see next time?

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry. Perhaps proper information about adoption should be a mandatory part of the ob/gyn training.

waiting for baby said...

What a lovely bedside manner.

Browniris said...

Wow, I can't believe how awful and insensitive that doctor was! I would definitely find a new doctor who will be supportive of whatever decisions you make. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that.

manymanymoons said...

And now I'm crying FOR you! What a completely insensitive ass he is. I'm so sorry that happened. The only thing I can offer is that maybe experiences like these will make you an awesome resource for others going through the same thing now and in the future.

Another Dreamer said...

Ungh. What. an. ass!

Sorry it went down like that :(
(*hugs*)

Anonymous said...

Geesh, he should have just stopped at the part about adoptive parents getting pregnant on their own too. Sure, that happens. But to tell you adoption is a PIA? Come on. Unprofessional. The only thing I can say to maybe make you feel a little better is that it's his job to help you conceive and birth a baby, not to adopt. So while he's a bit clueless with his approach, it sounds like his is trying to do his job. Our RE rubs my husband the wrong way, we sometimes feel like he just wants us to try every test in the book, but we just have to remember that we're seeing him because I want to get pregnant and he's just doing everything he can to figure out why I can't keep a pregnancy. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Best of luck with the adoption, I sincerely hope it's not a PIA for you.

Amber said...

What the! I want to punch him in the, ahem!!

Stefanie Blakely said...

I want to punch your doctor in the face.

cOLey24 said...

I hate him with you.

rebecca said...

What an idiot, he is obviously someone who has no idea what infertility is like! I'm so sorry you had to endure his ignorant comments. Remember you are doing what is best for you & your family and if you feel right about it that's all that matters, his opinion is one that you obviously should not take seriously. ((hugs))

Sarah said...

What an idiot. Adoptions are not always long, difficult or a pain in the butt, and they ALWAYS lead to the new love of your life. I hope you find a new doc and never see him again.

erika said...

Uggggghhh((( this is just plain awful!
I am so sorry, Sweetie!:(

lowfatlady said...

Ugh, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Some people just don't realize what they are saying and how it hurts someone.

Ashley said...

And that is exactly when I would have had my medical records transferred to my new doctor. Why on God's green Earth would a DOCTOR of all people say negative things about adoption? Wow. And another question IF (big IF) you got pregnant during the adoption process, WHY would that be a bad thing? To me that would be an awesome miracle. Hang in there!

M3MU said...

WOW. Really, just WOW. It's amazing how stupid some people can be that have spent so much on degrees. :( So sorry you had to deal with such an asshole.
Kudos to you for adopting. I think it's GREAT! (we have our first class with our agency next week!)
Hope today is much better!

Marianne said...

What a fucking jerk.

Christy and Kevin said...

What a JACKASS!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!???? I just spit my coffee out when I read this!

Sarah S said...

WHAT?!?!?!?!

I wanna just go smack that doctor upside the head!!!

I am so upset for you!!!!

I hope you are feeling better!!

Adele said...

One word. Nitwit. I'd like to throttle that doc.