Please note on your readers that I have a new blog: http://nowaystosayit.com.

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Thank you for all of your support over the years! xo

Thursday, November 18, 2010

your questions - answered

Are you going to try to adopt a baby or open to an older child? Are you open to adopting a child that may not look like you or Joey (different race or nationality)?

We plan to adopt a baby. I think that my fear with adopting an older child right out of the gate is missing those earliest experiences that I wouldn't get to see/be there for if we adopted an older child. Also, to be honest, I would feel guilty adopting an older child while still working full time. Not that babies don't need tons of love and attention, but I would want to be home at least part time to support the transition of an older child - especially if that child has lived in the foster care system. This isn't to say we wouldn't consider a foster-to-adopt situation later. But it's not for us right now.

As for the question of race and nationality, we're pretty open people. If we think that a cultural difference is something we can handle, we'll go for it. If we get into our research and we think it's something that isn't for us, we won't. Right now, we are researching various possibilities.

Are you thinking domestic or international adoption?

We are almost 100% certain that we will adopt domestically, but it doesn't mean we aren't looking at international adoption all together. Much like the race/nationality question, we are staying open-minded. I think both of us want to make sure that we are fully educated before we say, "No, we definitely don't want to do that."

Will you continue on the acupuncture and Chinese herb route while proceeding with adoption? Or will you start BC to help control the cysts?

Yes, I will continue acupuncture and Chinese herbs. Both have helped me feel better emotionally and physically, so why not continue them? As for going on birth control, I can't go on birth control. It caused me to have severe migraine headaches when I was in college, to the point where I ended up in the hospital with stroke-like symptoms. For now, we plan to stick to monthly monitoring and see where that takes us.

Are you and Joey going to try to adopt a girl or a boy? Or are you open to either one?

I would say that we're open to either one. However, if we did decide we wanted a boy or girl, I think we would still keep it a secret between us. Infertility has taken away from me every element of surprise imaginable - from "I'm pregnant!" to "Guess what the baby's gender is?!" We want the baby's gender to be a surprise for our family and friends, even if it's not a surprise to us. Does that make sense?

How do you even start moving forward on that? Are you wanting to do an open one or closed? How do they even choose who they give each child to?

I've already asked a few close friends to give me some names of agencies they know and recommend. (And please, if anyone has suggestions from their own personal experiences, please e-mail me at fromiftowhen at gmail.com.) We will most likely sit down and talk with a few agencies and see who we feel most comfortable with. I loved Rebecca's suggestion of completing the home study while we select an agency, and we may decide to do that. As for open or closed, it doesn't matter to us. I'd be fine either way - whatever the mother prefers. And I think it depends on the situation as to how a couple is chosen. I've known couples who were selected by the mother (via a profile), but I also know couples who were selected by their agency. I think it all varies based on the situation.

23 comments:

Maureen said...

I am so sorry I missed your big announcement last week! I look forward to cheering you on through this exciting/yet scary new journey! Hugs!!

Angie said...

You may have already considered this and it may not be an option for you, but I wanted the throw it out there just in case. Have you considered a donor embryo and/or adopting an embryo? (I think in some cases they can be "given" away without too much paperback, and then in other cases it's basically an adoption but of embryos.)

Whatever path you guys end up choosing, I hope it works out for you! Good luck!

kkasun said...

Wow, what a big decision! Congrats on begining your adoption journey!!!

Stephanie said...

Love reading these answers. I am just so excited for you and Joey! :)

AplusB said...

Wow. You guys are so thoughtful and purposeful about this. Awesome. So excited for you!

Rebecca said...

So nice to read through all of this. So much to think about, but it looks like you're well on the way! :)

Leslie said...

I wish you the best as you move forward with the adoption journey! I too will be here to cheer you on.

manymanymoons said...

It's so much to think about. Believe me...I completely understand!

Anonymous said...

Hi! I haven't really "come out" yet so I am posting this comment as Anonymous. I haven't announced to my blog family and for that matter my real family that I am planning to adopt. I am on a waiting list with an adoption agency for international adoption. Being single it poses a ton of other obstacles but I had a phone consult the other day with my agency and I said I would start my homestudy now and she told me that you have to decide between domestic and international before you start your homestudy and if you choose international you have to decide on which country first. Also apparently homestudies expire so you don't want to get one too soon and have to pay to get reevaluated. It's just something you might want to ask about. I wish you the best of luck and once I "come out" we can share info, war stories and then baby pics! :)

Alex said...

Thanks for answering these questions - very interesting! Regarding your answer about adopting an older child vs. a baby, I think you're right on the money regarding work. My therapist adopted two babies, and she chose to adopt babies for the same reason - she had to work, and she didn't have the time to "reparent" an older child. Makes complete sense to me!

serenity said...

I'm still so damn giddy for you guys. I can't wait to hear about the process. :)

xoxo

AL said...

So many decisions to make with adoption, it sounds like you and Joey are being very thoughtful and through in your decision-making process. I'm excited for you two :)

Marica said...

we are going to adopt a US infant, but we don't care about race.. we just wish to adopt an health baby :-)

tomorrow we have the first meeting with our agency.

I think that deciding to adopt a baby is like starting trying to conceive, like having sex for the first time without taking precautions: it's exciting and scaring! :-)

I feel so lonely because we don't know anyone else who adopted, so I'm glad to follow you in this new adventure! :-)

goog luck!

Kelly said...

I'm really excited for you to embark on this journey! Wishing you and Joey the best...you deserve it!

Kakunaa said...

So many things to consider! I get the gender thing. It's why we aren't finding out. I really am excited for you!

amiracle4us said...

I can't wait to follow your journey. It is intriguing to me especially because we may be right behind you..

Noelle said...

This is so exciting to read! What an exciting time in your life! You know what you want, and I think that it is wonderful that you and your husband are taking this next step.

kayee said...

Katie - I am so excited for you and thrilled to follow your journey. Oh and BTW - today is National Adoption Day! So celebrate!!

rebecca said...

Still SO excited for you guys as you begin this journey!! Your responses all made perfect sense, and I loved the idea of keeping the gender to yourselves. I'm so glad you liked my suggestion, it worked really well for us to do the home study that way while we researched our options. Not sure if you've mentioned what state your in, but know that you're not limited by the agencies in your area. For instance we live in Kansas which is a very popular state to adopt in as the wait time for parents to revoke their rights is very short (only 48hrs) as opposed to some states where it is months. Our home study social worker told us that they have a lot of couples who adopt here from out of state for this reason. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me too (I have a button my blog where you can e-mail me). So excited for you!!!

Katie said...

Doing my "once in a blue moon catch up on blogs".....
SO EXCITED for you!!! I can't wait to follow this journey - don't leave anything out!!

:-)

Adele said...

Your responses to those questions are really thoughtful. I think it's a wonderful decision, and I think that you know what's important to you (baby) and what is less so (open vs. closed). Sounds like a very, very good starting point to me.

Willow said...

I just wanted to suggest a book that I found extremely helpful as we started our adoption journey: The Open Adoption Experience. There are so many different options to weigh, but I know you guys will make the right choice!

Also, thank you so much for your super-sweet comment on my 100th post :) You are one of my all-time favorite bloggers too and I absolutely can't imagine this community without YOU!

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Thanks for sharing, Katie! I found your baby vs. toddler answer very interesting, especially the point about working full time -- so far adoption is somewhere on the horizon, not the next step, but I was wondering how it would be with working parents, if someone should be home full full time etc. Good luck with your decisions!