The rupture cyst is gone. In its place are two new cysts - same ovary, pressed against one another. I am waiting to hear back from my doctor.
My mind is sort of this tangled web of confusion and frustration. I cannot understand why this keeps happening - why my body won't work properly, and why nothing seems to fix it. The only time my left ovary does not produce insanely large cysts is when I am not medicated; an opposite reaction to when many infertile do experience ovarian cysts. Is it possible that PCOS can present itself in just one ovary, and that the other ovary simply does not display the classic signs? I know that I physically cannot have PCOS in one ovary. But could only one display the symptoms? Is it possible that my follicles are, when unmedicated, not producing eggs? Could I have empty follicle syndrome? In just one ovary?
This is my issue: it's only the one side. The right appears to be fine. No endo, no history of cysts, clear ovulation on the right side during at least one IUI cycle. What is it about the left ovary that makes it not want to function for me? What exactly did I do to piss it off?
My acupuncturist, the amazing woman that she is, called to check on me today. Though acu does not seem to be helping with the cyst growth, it is keeping me calm. So is Circle + Bloom. I started listening last month to their natural cycle program, and I can't tell you how relaxed it makes me feel. Even though I'm not technically cycling (with the cyst, and all), it keeps me level. It keeps me sane. At the end of the day, I need these things to keep me going. They are my only sanity at this point. And my husband. My wonderful husband. He is my rock. He takes care of everything, including me. He and the pup have done an amazing job these past couple of weeks.
I'm sorry I'm so down and all over the place. I just don't have it in me to be Positive Patty at the moment. I'm tired. I'm tired of the shit. I'm tired of being in the suck. I'm just . . . sick and tired of being sick and tired. And trying desperately to hang on to the positives.