Tuesday, September 28, 2010

seven

Seven years ago today, my life changed forever.

I was an innocent freshman in college. I stood at the entrance of my dorm on a warm September evening, and I smiled as Joey walked toward me. I'll never forget that moment, the moment of our first kiss. I didn't want to let go when I hugged him. I held him close, and I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with this man. We would experience wonderful times together - birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, family trips, vacations, weddings - and I would cherish each of them, especially when things got ugly.

And they did. I knew our relationship wouldn't always be a fairy tale. I knew there would be disappointment and heartache. Of course, nothing could have prepared me for the loss of our hopes and dreams of adding to our family and sharing our love for each other with a child. In seven years, I grew from a naive and playful 18-year-old girl to hardened, jaded 25-year-old woman. The playful is still deep inside. I know it is. Joey is the person who brings it out in me. It gets easier by the day to let it out of its cage, but I know that I will never be the same girl I was seven years ago.

But I also know that, for what has changed in the last seven years, one thing remains constant. Despite the hell of infertility, we are still standing. We are still in love.

I may never see what this love can create in a biological child. I may never share the experience of parenthood with the man I love. I may never hear my son or daughter say the word "dad." I may never see him walk our little girl down the aisle or watch him play catch in the backyard with our son. But I will always look at him and see the man walking toward me on that September night. I will always look at him and see the man who stole my heart. I will always look at him and see the man who has dried all of my childless tears.

And I will always look at him and see my happiness.

47 comments:

nobabyruth said...

What a beautiful and heart-wrenching post. I am honestly moved by it. Sometimes it's hard to remember those "innocent" times now that things are so tough, but those memories will sustain us. I truly hope that you do get all that wish and long for and more.

I also wanted to say what gorgeous hair you have! I am totally jealous. My sister is a redhead and I am eternally jealous of her as well.

Hayley said...

You and Joey are so freaking cute together, I love it.

someday-soon said...

I'm so happy you have each other {{{HUGS}}}

Rebecca said...

So beautifully written. Made me cry.

Love the new pics at the top. :)

Littlest True Blue said...

I love your new blog design! super cute pics! Stay stong honey!
LTB

Josey said...

Beautifully written!

LOVE the new layout and pics as well!

Kim said...

What a lovely dedication to your husband. We definately have some scars from our journeys, but the seasons always change. It's been a long tough season, but I know with a love like yours, you two will experience pure & utter Joy again one day. I am sorry the journey has been so rough thus far. I know your going to turn a corner soon, I just know it. xoxoxoxoxox

Kandid Kelli said...

You know you make me cry.. alot!

Geez Thanks a lot Katie!

I am happy for you & Joey. A love like yalls is hard to find.

xo
-K

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Oh, that was such a sweet post!
H and I will be together for seven years in December, it's almost incredible for me. Have a wonderful day with Joey! I hope your dreams come true one day.

jensays (what would jen do) said...

aww so sweet, i got all choked up

Waiting Lisa said...

I am so glad you two have each other. And I love the new look of your blog!! Happy Anniversary :)

Kaitlin (ahmymarriedlife) said...

You are such a talented writer, Katie. I always enjoy reading your posts when I get the chance. Congrats on a wonderful 7 years together! May the next 7 (and many more, of course) be even better. :)

Candidly_Andrea said...

Beautiful post Katie. You have a wonderful way with words. Happy 'Seven' to you and Joey. XO

Arlyne said...

What a beautiful, moving post! I am so happy that you guys found each other, & that you still have that same, wonderful feeling!

Crossed Fingers said...

Wonderful post - I know that with my DH life is never as hard as I might fear. I'm so glad you have that relationship as well. :)

Lindsay said...

Beautiful post, just beautiful :)

Pre-Heated Oven said...

Wow, I'm totally choking up over here. So beautiful.

suchagoodegg said...

Lucky number seven!!!!!!!

Your new blog design rocks. :) I looooove the pics of you and Joey. You guys are a super star team. And just so adorable together. xo

AplusB said...

You guys make a beautiful couple. So cute...and I love the new pics.

My So-Called (TTC) Life said...

Oh, Katie, what a lovely post. Really, it brought tears to my eyes. You really are such an adorable couple. And like I keep saying to myself, even if it's just me, my husband, and our dog, we're STILL a family. xo

Stephanie said...

Goosebumps. You are so talented. Love you guys so much!!!

Secret Sloper said...

Very beautiful. I hope only your happiest visions come to pass, but I'm glad you are such rocks for each other, no matter what happens.

Kakunaa said...

Oh, here come the tears! How beautiful and touching. Thank you for sharing this.

Stephanie said...

Beautiful - I so hope that one day you are able to share the joys of having a child together!

Alex said...

Wondeful post - just beautiful!

Dawn said...

What a beautiful post. You have a love that most people don't get to experience.

Another Dreamer said...

Beautiful post.

sarabug said...

I teared up too.

Congratulations on making a beautiful life together. ♥

Wade's World said...

love it :)

Nicole said...

You always put it into words so well. I'm so happy for you that you two are stronger for IF & not drifting like some couples do.

Rach said...

Whenever I need a little pick me up, I pull out our wedding album. It takes me back to a time when we were so oblivious to what was ahead and it reminds me why we got married in the first place. Love.

Nice new blog layout!!

~Katie said...

I have soooo been there. I remember crying my eyes out one night, sbbing to Seth that I wasn't the fun loving, silly girl that I had grown to be in 30 years. I was jaded and had a hard shell. I was MAD and SAD. You HAVE to feel that way. You HAVE to walk the walk TO GET THERE!!! I have walked in your shoes, and my heart just aches for you. Hang in there. I will be following your journey and the first to send you a viral hug when you hold your baby for the very first time. This journey will make you STRONG and a better parent! ((HUGS))

The Steffens said...

Happy 7 year anniversary!

Your post just moved me in so many ways.

ifcrossroads.com said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Kelly said...

At the end of the day, I'm so glad that two of you have each other.

Jess said...

Beautiful. Wonderful! :) I pray everyone has a love like yours. It will be 7 years in December that Colin and I met!

christine said...

I love this post. So glad you've found your rock and your steady place through this storm called IF. May it just get stronger as time goes on.

AL said...

Beautiful post, Katie. You guys are such an adorable couple with a great marriage :-)

Laurie said...

That was so sweet :)

Willow said...

Awww. Congrats on 7 years! My husband and I have also been together since I was 18--yay for young love that lasts :) I so feel your pain at being young and infertile. I didn't learn about our infertility till I was 26, but man, what a blow to a hopeful young girl! I am totally confident that you guys will be parents together, however your baby comes to you. Great post--tearing up over here!

Basic Girl said...

Such a beautiful post Katie, totally made me melt! And LOVE the new layout...great pics!

T said...

Stop making me cry!!! Seriously though, that was very beautiful. I love what you have done to the page!

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

oh Kate...that was beautifully written

Stefanie Blakely said...

Katie, such a beautiful post, as always. With infertility tearing so many couples apart, it's so amazing to know that it has only brought you and Joey closer together. Much love.

Dead Cow Girl said...

Such (bitter) sweet post! I felt the same way when I met DaddO. He also took some convincing. You are very lucky to have found each other.

I truly hope you get to see what your love can create. And soon.

Tillie said...

Awe - you this post made me cry!! I <3 you!

Ashley said...

What a beautiful post! And I love the new header!