[Note: I hope this goes without saying, but this is not directed at any of my readers.]
Dear Mommy of the Year:
While I have a deep respect and admiration for your desire to further your education, I do not have respect for your excuses as to why you cannot or will not contribute to group or course assignments 1) on time or 2) at all. Here's a little newsflash: The universe does not revolve around you. Just because you grew/are growing a life in your uterus does not make you any more or less busy than the rest of us. I have a full time job, a husband, a house, a puppy going through her terrible twos, a two-and-a-half hour commute per day, and a neighbor who thinks 3 am is a good time to have a rave. I get no more sleep than you, and yet I still suck it up and pull my shit together. You should have thought about the amount of work you were taking on before entering a graduate-level program.
Also, when you do get around to contributing your work or your input to the class, I am offended by your pompous attitude. What, being a mom makes you the smartest person on the planet? I had no idea that a PhD and a lifetime of wisdom and experience came out of your vagina following the birth of your child. That's simply amazing. I guess if I ever become a mother, I can add, "Smartest person on the fucking planet" to my resume. You are the type of fertile I love to hate: you always have to be right and you always have to be the best. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that your child is the next coming of Christ, yet you are quick to bitch and moan that he or she doesn't allow you enough time, energy, or sleep. How about I trade you: you can have my neighbor's techno music at 3 am, and I'll take your crying baby at 3 am? Sounds like a sweet deal to me.
Will you do the rest of your classmates and me a favor? STFU, do your work, don't make excuses, and please don't act like you already have a master's degree in this subject area. I have no desire to hear about how your crying baby/morning sickness/breast feeding makes you late or incapable of performing your school work, OR how it makes you better than me. Because, let's face it. It's distance learning. You can breastfeed your kid and no one ever has to know or care. Then, I wouldn't feel the urge to give you the middle finger/blog or tweet how much you annoy the shit out of me. And as for your level of knowledge, though I'm sure cleaning up shitty diapers has some correlation with intellectual ability, I'd like to think that an inhabitable uterus has given me something a little more important than that: common courtesy.
Your infertile classmate
Your infertile classmate