Thursday, September 9, 2010

letter to a fertile grad student

[Note: I hope this goes without saying, but this is not directed at any of my readers.]

Dear Mommy of the Year:

While I have a deep respect and admiration for your desire to further your education, I do not have respect for your excuses as to why you cannot or will not contribute to group or course assignments 1) on time or 2) at all. Here's a little newsflash: The universe does not revolve around you. Just because you grew/are growing a life in your uterus does not make you any more or less busy than the rest of us. I have a full time job, a husband, a house, a puppy going through her terrible twos, a two-and-a-half hour commute per day, and a neighbor who thinks 3 am is a good time to have a rave. I get no more sleep than you, and yet I still suck it up and pull my shit together. You should have thought about the amount of work you were taking on before entering a graduate-level program.

Also, when you do get around to contributing your work or your input to the class, I am offended by your pompous attitude. What, being a mom makes you the smartest person on the planet? I had no idea that a PhD and a lifetime of wisdom and experience came out of your vagina following the birth of your child. That's simply amazing. I guess if I ever become a mother, I can add, "Smartest person on the fucking planet" to my resume. You are the type of fertile I love to hate: you always have to be right and you always have to be the best. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that your child is the next coming of Christ, yet you are quick to bitch and moan that he or she doesn't allow you enough time, energy, or sleep. How about I trade you: you can have my neighbor's techno music at 3 am, and I'll take your crying baby at 3 am? Sounds like a sweet deal to me.

Will you do the rest of your classmates and me a favor? STFU, do your work, don't make excuses, and please don't act like you already have a master's degree in this subject area. I have no desire to hear about how your crying baby/morning sickness/breast feeding makes you late or incapable of performing your school work, OR how it makes you better than me. Because, let's face it. It's distance learning. You can breastfeed your kid and no one ever has to know or care. Then, I wouldn't feel the urge to give you the middle finger/blog or tweet how much you annoy the shit out of me. And as for your level of knowledge, though I'm sure cleaning up shitty diapers has some correlation with intellectual ability, I'd like to think that an inhabitable uterus has given me something a little more important than that: common courtesy.

Sincerely,
Your infertile classmate

38 comments:

Kandid Kelli said...

Katie... I loved this!

She sounds like the type of woman/mother I hate. I know plenty of pregnant women/ mothers (of more then 1 child) in school and DONT use thier kids as excuses.

That PISSES ME OFF!!

xo
-K

Hayley said...

I absolutely love this post. For reals. Expect an email after I finish typing this. xo!

Ashley said...

Whoa! Very well written and also I would love to stay on your good side at all times. :)

AL said...

Love it!

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I need a letter just like this for my coworker! Thanks for making me smile!

Anna said...

I *love* this!! hahaha......I think I need a generic copy of this letter (so it will work in any situation) to wear around my neck. :)

kayee said...

Excellent!!! I'm going to take that letter and insert my situation - board meetings, business meetings, etc. It can work for ANYTHING! Thanks!

Another Dreamer said...

lmao, I know those feelings well!

I finished my B.A. while undergoing fertility treatments, miscarriages, working, with my husband, and taking care of my house... I attended a regional campus, so it was local with a lot of other non-traditional students. We had a lot that were hard working and not so pompous, and others that were like the ones addressed in your mock letter ;) One of my best friends is the mother of two, who works, is divorced, and gets her stuff done- she is not like the ones mentioned in your letter.

Her and I mock the whiny ones a lot ;)

Sorry for rambling, lol. Just glad I'm not the only one.

Rita said...

This woman sounds ridiculous! This letter is great!!

Dawn said...

It blows my mind how some fertiles think they deserve special treatment. My friend just graduated from pharmacy school and she had three girls in her class that got knocked up and got all sorts of special treatment. Unbelievable. If you can't hack it, don't go back to school.

Secret Sloper said...

Amazing post. I think you need to say something at some point. Like, "No one likes a whiner" or "It's a fine line between problems and blessings" or "If you can't hack it in this program, maybe you should drop out because as much as you'd like it, they're not going to hand you extra-credit for raising your kid. Just tax credit."

Rebecca said...

UGH to whiny ultra fertile biatches!!!! Very nicely put.

The Steffens said...

OMG I love this post so much. I can't even express. Wow. Amazing.

And I hate that woman. A LOT.

JC said...

Oh no! What a whore!!! I loved your letter, maybe you should give it to her?! Lol ;)

jensays (what would jen do) said...

the difference between you (and me) and her is she feels she pushed out the best excuse of all. a child. that's supposed to be some universal thing. oh she can't do that she has a baby.......... whatever. suck it up. some of would really like to 'not have the time' like her.

Lindsay said...

bless your heart! i don't know if i could keep myself from punching her!

sarabug said...

Love this. I could edit it a little bit and send it to a few of my fellow nursing students who deserve to be punched in the face.

christine said...

LOVE this post!!! There is a girl in my cohort who has missed more classes than anyone and it's because she got married, got pregnant, and had an angel baby "sent straight from heaven to her arms." She never has her shit together, never comes to class prepared, and never has the materials she needs. GRAH!

Jennifer said...

yes, yes, YES I completely agree! :)This sort of behavior drives me crazy!

CW said...

bloody hilarious.

Melissa G said...

ZING.

Well played Infertile Classmate, well played.

Jen said...

LOVE IT!

Glass Case of Emotion said...

People like this drive me CRAZY! Good job with this letter!

Stefanie Blakely said...

"I had no idea that a PhD and a lifetime of wisdom and experience came out of your vagina following the birth of your child."

::dying::

Oh Katie, how I love you...

*Jelly Baby* said...

What an awesome post. So, what I want to know now is whether you feel better after venting, or do you think you just fueled your anger/hatred even more.
I'm asking, cause I could really use some venting regarding my pregnant co-worker. Yep, she's my #1 enemy at the moment.

waiting for baby said...

You tell them! Could you also fax this to my work? HA!

ifcrossroads.com said...

Best.letter.ever.
'Nuff said.

Kasey said...

Hi Katie,
I'm an infertile grad student, and the line about being a mom making you the smartest person on the planet made me laugh out loud. I am keeping my infertility struggles and even the fact that I want to have kids as quiet as possible as my faculty have basically said in not so many words that getting pregnant makes you suddenly stupid and you will never graduate.

Marla said...

What a stupid wench that chick is! Grrrr!

T said...

AND these are the women that get to have babies! I will certainly have some questions for God someday!
Sorry you have to deal with her!

Amanda said...

Dang girl!! I think you need some relaxation this weekend! haha

Have you ever seen that video, "Pregnant women are smug."
Its really funny.. Maybe you can email it to her on "accident." hehe

Browniris said...

I LOVE this letter!

Jess said...

FUNNY! So true. I don't like people who constantly complain- they are very difficult to be around, especially when they are complaining about something you want so dearly you would give anything. You should sneak this letter into her backpack. ;)

~Jess
http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/

Tillie said...

OMG this person HAD to have been one of the people in my undergrad work a couple years ago. Every class. Every group.

This post is BRILLIANT!!!

Adele said...

"I had no idea that a PhD and a lifetime of wisdom and experience came out of your vagina following the birth of your child".

Amen, sister!!!!!!!!!

Bean stalk ballads said...

Katie that made me laugh so much! you are fantastic and I know now we should definitely not hang out together as we would get in so much trouble1

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. I'm not sure I could handle this. Fortunately so far the pregnant ones have been quiet... or, to put it differently, being the only woman in a lab does have advantages sometimes.

Starfishkity said...

Wonderfully put! I definitely know a few fertile folks who think they are the smartest people in the world now that they have a baby and love giving advice to everyone else. Then they go on to complain about all the work and lost sleep. It's intolerable! Thank you for sharing your beautiful rant! It reminds me that I am not the only one annoyed by these types.