After finishing my antibiotics from the cough/cold/funk I caught at the end of June, my left ear began to hurt. Bad. I hemmed and hawed about going back to the doctor, but finally decided to bite the bullet and have him check things out last week. Thankfully, it's not an ear infection, but I am clenching my teeth at night. It's something I did often in my early college years and it's due to . . . wait for it . . . stress. Go figure! The conversation with my doc, who I've seen since age 12, went a little something like this:
Doc: It's definitely not an ear infection. It's your TMJ. You're clenching your jaw again. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?
Me: Dr. Young, you've known me for 13 years. When am I not stressed?
Doc: Good point.
So here I am: back on steroids during the day and on muscle relaxers at night to help loosen my jaw (which means drooling, and lots of it. I know you think that's hot). Of course, neither of these medications takes my stress away. Acupuncture does help, but I can only go once a week.
None of these things helps me to finish my house and get organized before my mom moves in later this month while her new house is being built. None of these things helps me prepare for my first semester as a graduate student. None of these things helps me with the stress of my job. None of these things helps us deal with our obnoxious neighbor.
And none of these things bring me a baby.
Waiting over the last few months has been therapeutic, yet it's also given me a lot of time to think about the future and all the "what ifs" that come with it. I guess I've been thinking about the what ifs a little too much over the past few days, which is part of the reason why I'm blah. And I think we've finally come to a decision about the future--one that answers a particular what if that I can't seem to get out of my mind:
What if IVF fails?
The answer to that question will have to wait for another day and another post.