Wednesday, July 28, 2010

infertile fantasies

I've been thinking a lot lately about the pressures we face while going through infertility and how a lot of those pressures are compounded by outside sources: work, family, friends, or finances. The more stress we have on our plates, the more we are likely to be stressed about infertility.

Sometimes I daydream about what would help take my stress away. A leave of absence from work would certainly do it. A weekly massage, maybe. Free bottles of wine for being infertile? YES. Maybe it's something as simple as the shows like Teen Mom and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant being blocked from my TV guide. (Uh, really? You didn't know you were pregnant?)

Have you ever thought what would make your life easier as an infertile? Maybe it's a free vacation every year--paid for by your fertility clinic, of course. Or a basic request, like wishing they made "Infertile on board" signs for your car to warn other drivers about your hormone-induced road rage.

What are some of your infertility-related fantasies?

32 comments:

Kim said...

No more Google. Blocked. Ignorance is a Bliss sometimes. They say wherever we put our attention grows. I need to stop paying some much attention to my IF sitch.

foxy said...

Love the new blog background - it is very pretty!

I always love your posts too - and this one is great!

I'd wish that all the treatments were paid for - the stress of dealing with the finances and paperwork is so overwhelming for me.

I'd wish that there was an infertility concierge, someone who was assigned to us, to hold our hand through every appointment, decision, treatment, to offer customized support just for us, interface with our doctors, handle the paperwork, be our cheerleader, etc.

I'd wish that there was a special retreat for infertile couples. A vacation that was just for us, to meet and talk with each other, where we get pampered and cared for, that is facilitated as a group therapy, where doctors come to listen to us and what we need from them. Sometimes I actually daydream about coordinating this retreat.

Excellent question Katie! Thanks for starting my day with such good thoughts!

A said...

A BABY. Ha! Just call me Captain Obvious ;-)

Some others include HPT's that are manufactured with the capability of being positive (I'm convinced the ones I get are just the "one line" version), and some lottery winnings so I can decorate and furnish my house straight out of the Ethan Allen catalog....it will all match and be beautiful and not child proof but I will love it!! W

A said...

wow, love foxy's suggestions!!

Rach said...

Your list is great!!

I'd be ok if "I'm pregnant and a drug dealer" was blocked as well. Free IVF would be nice too!

Man those teen moms are just ridiculously ignorant don't ya think? Im not sure why I even watch, I roll my eyes the entire show.

serenity said...

I always wished for a vacation away from all families - like a Beaches type resort for just infertiles.

And free treatments would be nice, but a whole SPA day around transfer time would have been good too. A massage, then the transfer, then acupuncture, then maybe a manicure and pedicure. That would totally rock.

Kelly said...

I don't really fantasize much but I'd have to say that one thing that I do wish is that I could go out and not encounter pregnant women. Just one day (a full day out, mind you) without seeing a pregnant woman and a mommy with her beautiful babies, wondering if any of mine would be that age now.

Jessica said...

My infertile fantasy is that I wouldn't have to see or hear about anyone being pregnant...and I wouldn't have to go to baby showers, baptisms, & birthday parties!!

Elizabeth said...

I wish I didn't have to explain myself all the time! Seriously I wish that IF wasn't so taboo that I felt like I had to educate everyone I come in contact with! Or face idiots that are so hurtful about my inability to be a mother. That's why I have cut my FB friends in half, and stick to my blog with the ALI community that know where I am coming from, gone through the same thing, and understand me!

waiting and wishing said...

Oh, the list is endless... but, if I have to choose just one I think I am going to go with a year without baby showers/pregnant family or friends. It would be so great to not have to listen to the constant baby chatter while trying to figure out if it will EVER be a reality for us. However, free treatment, frequent spa days and an infertile vacation all sound pretty great too!

jill's infertility document said...

Free treatment. That money was not even a factor in who gets what, and how much, treatment.

I really like foxy's retreat idea. I wish infertility clinics were resorts where we went for treatment. No waiting rooms with pregnancy magazines, no posters of pregnant bellies and babies in utero, no bathroom with raunchy hustler magazines for SA collection!

ICLW

Alex said...

Definitely free treatment! For some reason, I'm willing to do whatever to my body, no matter how many times it takes, but oh the money.

Love the blog look!

Kakunaa said...

I like Foxy's suggestions. I could use a vacation. How about pulling all baby related gear out of non-baby stores so I can shop without being blind-sided.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Free treatment!

I wish we all lived close, so we could hang out!

Josey said...

1) Free Treatment
2) More education for EVERYONE about IF, so I wasn't constantly explaining myself - PLUS I maybe would have figured out sooner that something was wrong with me from the get go!

Secret Sloper said...

A moratorium on all pregnancies until I get mine. I'm okay dealing with my emotions about all this in a vacuum. I can handle disappointment, grief, hope, discouragement, optimism, determination. But when I need to share in someone else's pregnancy, it just makes handling all of the above very challenging for me.

I think the knowledge that any potential IVFs would be covered would also help. Spending that much $$ on something with a 50% chance of failure scares me, even though I know I'll do it.

Jin said...

Loving the background change!

I'm thinking there should be paid time off for treatements with a recovery period built in as well. And call it - assisted reproductive technology leave and have it under the FMLA.

Stephanie said...

Oh what would I love?! Not to work. I won't work when we have a baby, so why must I continue now? Oh because of the payment for all the IF drugs and treatments not to mention the looks and questions of certain friends and family not understanding why I wouldn't work...obviously free treatments would be nice, better education for everyone about IF, not having a stigma attached to it. I can't even tell people why I'm going crazy or missing days of work at my job because my boss insisted I keep it quiet since I work for a Catholic school that doesn't believe in modern medicine making babies. (Another huge reason why I'd like to quit). Sigh...

S said...

My #1 infertility-related fantasy is that I will be one of those "urban myth" women who finally gets pregnant without "trying." ;-)

Apart from that, it would be to have enough time and money, and enough flexibility in my job, to avail myself of all possible treatment. I know some people have these things, but for me, they are just a fantasy.

womb for improvement said...

I wish that Doctors got back to me in a timely manner and I didn't have to wait for appointments.

Rebecca said...

I love the infertile retreat option. That's a great idea.

One of the fantasies I have had is that there was some charitable foundation that would automatically pay for the medical costs associated with a dying child or lost pregnancy. I wish that those types of bills would automatically be sent to some sort of foundation and never even have to pass to the parents. Too many people have talked about getting bills for multiple thousands of dollars after going through a traumatic D&C or stillbirth. I can't imagine how horrible that would be. A family friend just lost her 16 year old son and, amidst all the rest of the horror, I can't imagine in a few weeks getting bills from the hospital.

Jackie said...

I'm all for retail therapy... I'd love it if the RE's office would give gift cards after each failed cycle - $500 should do it - to a store of my choosing. But why just make it after a failed cycle? How about after every piece of bad news? Actually... after every ultrasound, blood draw, procedure...
Though Foxy's idea for a retreat is fantastic. Wonder if something like that could be realistic...
Ah, in a perfect world, right?

Ana said...

I agrree with Foxy, what a great answer and what a great question.

jensays (what would jen do) said...

I can't watch I didn't know I was pregnant, that show just makes me mad, but I am way into Teen Mom and they showed Baby High once on MTV and I wish it would come back.

Trisha said...

I don't really have the infertile fantasies, I don't think I ever did except for wishing for a baby. But to take away the stresses, I would love to spend the winter months on a tropical island. :)

JC said...

This was a great post and great question. Lots of awesome comments. I agree with foxy and Secret Sloper ;).

AL said...

Maid service provided by my REs office
Weekly massages
A good friend that can drop by with a bottle of wine and a chick flick when I'm having a downer day.

great post :-)

KC said...

My wish is "wanda" the ultra sound wond would also suck the extra fat out of my ass and tummy and push it right up to my breasts!!!

S.I.F. said...

Right now? I so wish I just didn't have to work. I wish I had the time to focus 100% on my health. On getting enough sleep, excercise, eat right, and right now, grive... but the time I put into work every day seems to get in the way.

I wish I didn't have to work (and obviously that money wasn't an issue) so I could really focus on being whole, happy, complete, and healthy during this struggle.

Adele said...

Well, the leave of absence should be mandatory. And I hear you on blocking the baby shows. It gets me every time I surf through channels.

And massages - that would go a long way to easing my anxiety:) And, while we're at it, how about really healthy food filled with nutrients and antioxidants that tastes like ice cream?

T said...

Yeah, most days I just want to run away. So if we could quit our job and move to Tahiti or some unknown island where pregant women do not exist...that would be perfect.

Basic Girl said...

Totally agree with the no preggo announcements until I get mine. And for sure a leave from work would have totally made IF treatments easier to deal with, as well as the weekly massages!! Such a great question!