Monday, June 7, 2010

clearing the air

I feel like I was unclear about what I wrote on Friday (giving all of this the middle finger and just walking away--spending our money on something else like a big vacation or a new car). In no way did I intend for that to come across like I wasn't serious about having a baby and spending whatever money necessary to do it. I am very serious about it and this is very important to me. It's also very important to Joey. Right now we are just trying to do this in the most responsible, practical, and resourceful way possible. Thanks to those of you who suggested an IVF vacation. That's a really great idea and I will definitely be looking into that.

To those who asked how we would find out whether a company offers IVF coverage. I have a small list that is growing daily for those who want it. (You can e-mail me at fromiftowhen at gmail dot com.) The easiest way to find out about IVF coverage is to ask a potential employer for their insurance carrier and that carrier's group number. You can call that insurance company directly, give them the group number, and ask whether that group number offers IVF coverage on their policy. Can you tell I've done this before? My company does not offer IVF coverage, but the insurance agent I asked did tell me how I could "get around" having to pay out of pocket for certain costs. As a result, I've always had my visits, blood work, and ultrasounds covered--just not the IUIs themselves.

This weekend, I had my first acupuncture consult, and I am feeling very positive about what the acupuncturist said. She came highly recommended by several of my contacts with Resolve and she has many years of experience with infertility patients--some of whom came to her and became pregnant after years of failed IVFs. My physical evaluation is this Saturday and after that I will start treatment. She would like me to try one last IUI after we go through a few months of treatment, but we'll see where we're at.

Each day I feel a little better. Not 100%, but better. I have moments of anger and sadness, but then they retreat to the back of my mind and I feel almost normal again. Almost.

Oh, and two "life" updates: my boob is still lumpy. The plan is to get another u/s at the end of the year unless my surgeon wants one sooner or refers me to a specialist. I am supposed to hear back this week. And last, I got into graduate school. Finally, some good news about something!

23 comments:

Secret Sloper said...

It sounds like you are dealing with this the best that you can. I don't think having the thought that you'd like to spend the money on something non-baby related means that you aren't totally invested in having a child. It's just wishful thinking, longing for a life in which this doesn't determine your happiness. We all do it, I'm sure.

I hope the converage comes through and that the acupuncture does wonders.

Conceptionally Challenged said...

A bit better sounds good.
Thanks for sharing the insurance details -- I might move to your country next year, and (having spent most of my life in countries with public health care) the whole insurance thing scares me, now with IF even more.
I'm also very interested in your acupuncture experiences. Hope it works wonders for you.

Waiting Lisa said...

I totally got what you meant. Adam and I have never seriously thought about spending our adoption money and giving up, but for some reason ever once in a while we go back and forth about all the other ways we could spend the money.I guess it's a little reality check of how much money it is really is and how unfair it is. Sometimes when you get caught up in it all, the money just begins to feel like monopoly money after a while.

But, we have said yes to every expensive situation we have been profiled for. We have gotten to the "money is no object" stage of our wait. A baby is number one priority for us.

Glad your acupuncture appointment went well!

Arlyne said...

I know how much you want this & am behind you guys whatever or however you choose to achieve it. My wish for you is a BFP in any form!!!

xo

Stefanie Blakely said...

CONGRATS KATIE!!!! I'm so excited for you about Grad School!!

Kandid Kelli said...

You are by far one of the MOST amazing people I "know" & ily for that! When you get a chance will you email about your acupuncture lady? Have been thinking bout it for a while b/c I have debilitating migraines and I take about $500 worth of meds (daily) for them and its getting out of hand b/c I still get the headaches even w.the meds and a few ppl suggested acupuncture. I am nervous but need something!

CONGRATS ON GRAD SCHOOL.

xo
-K

Anna said...

Congrats on graduate school! I am finishing mine up and will graduate in August, and I am so glad to have gotten it out of the way (although I really thought I would be finishing with a baby in my arms).

As for the rest, I don't think you should have to explain yourself. Anyone who has been in IF shoes knows the feeling of wanting to just give up and be done with it sometimes.

Maureen said...

Congratulations on getting into grad school!

I hope that you enjoy acupuncture. I am all for it!

Kelly said...

I completely understood what you meant. I'm glad you're doing better and congrats about grad school!

Kim said...

Congrat on getting into graduate school- thats terrific news! And I love your method of finding out what Employers cover IF - so smooooth!

Hubs and I have fantascized about what we would do with our IVF money we saved if we got pg naturally and miraculously....I think it's a fun way to cope. :)

xoxoxoxox

Jessica said...

Congrats on getting into graduate school!!!

The Baby Race said...

Congrats on grad school! That's great news!!!

jensays said...

yay for getting into grad school!!!!

JC said...

YAY!!! Congrats on getting into grad school!!! You're so awesome!

Are you going to the same acupunture Dr I went to? The one who worked w/ Dr T? Just wondering =). I hope you like it and most imprtantly I hope it works!

suchagoodegg said...

I think you are dealing with this the VERY BEST you can, and that's all you can do. Thinking of you, my fellow benched-friend. xo

S.I.F. said...

I'm so jealous that you've found a way to get your ultrasounds and bloodwork covered! Those costs are killing me right now!

But I am so happy you are going to start acupuncture! I think you are really going to love it!

Littlest True Blue said...

Hey Katie! I loved reading about your trip to NYC! I've never been and now i'm dying to go! I totally don't think you need to explain yourself for your previous post...I totally got what you meant. And I definitely think an IVF Vacay sounds great! You have a good plan and I know you will be a great mom when it finally happens! And super congrats on Grad school! What program are you taking?
LTB

Basic Girl said...

First off, congrats on grad school!! That is so great! And I just got caught up on your last post but I totally hear you. And for some reason I think I knew deep down IUIs wouldn't ever work for me either. No clue why, but it was like we were just going through the moments to get to IVF.

And let me tell you I totally hear you on the money thing. It's not fair and it sucks, and you better believe in a perfect world I would have so much rather spent that money on something else, maybe something for the baby someday like college fund...but we spent it on making a baby which is free to so many people!! The cost of it all really does just blow your mind!!

Elizabeth said...

I know how you feel about the middle finger thing...I guess in simple terms that is what I have done with my infertility since the beginning of this year.
I started to leave a huge long comment about my situation, when it's probably just best to write a blog instead. I'll try to write it sometime today.
Hope you're having a good week

Just Me...C said...

I think most of us understood exactly what you were saying. I must say I think you are just brilliant about finding out about IVF coverage. I hope I have a need to call on your expertise one day soon. Last but not least, congrats on grad school! You should be so proud of yourself!!!

Carli said...

Katie - I am so glad that you had such a wonderful vacation - even if you had to come back to a world that is tough. I know that the accupuncturist's suggestion puts a kink in things. BUT, when the time comes, you will know the right thing to do for you. If you can't manage another IUI, then don't. Give it some time and see how you feel.

And I completely understand how you feel about having a way to blow money on something besides IF. Our Memorial Day weekend getaway was JUST that and was exactly what we needed. I hope the effects are long lasting.

Sara said...

It is a difficult thing to spend so much money when other people can get pregnant for free. On the flip side of that, I have watched a few of those free pregnant ladies take it for granted. Hopefully, all of the time, energy, and money will make us better mothers. Hopefully, you will find an insurance company that will respect infertility issues and have a plan that covers some of the costs. Don't feel bad about needing a break sometimes. This can all be so mentally/physically draining. Take time to rejuvenate yourself. You deserve it!

Katie said...

I hate that you are facing ivf and the RIDICULOUS cost of it. Our country has some of the most f'ed up insurance policies. good luck & CONGRATS on grad school!!