Friday, June 4, 2010

babies: aisle 3

In the back of my mind, I always had a feeling that IUIs wouldn't work for us. I can't explain why, really. Maybe you could call it the infertile woman's intuition. But I think that is why I had such peace letting go of the last IUI. The timing would not have been right for me with work and time off, and it felt like such a waste of money when we could be putting this toward other things.

Like IVF.

Our original plan was to do a shared egg or shared embryo cycle with another couple. This way we would save money (since another couple would share the cost) and we would also be giving back to someone who so desperately wanted a baby, too. Unfortunately, this is not going to happen--at least not at any clinics in our area. Some are not willing to do this for us, and the rest think we could be waiting for years for another couple to agree since most would prefer to adopt all of our embryos. 

I want to wait six months, but I don't think I could wait a full year (possibly longer) with the chance that we may never get a couple to do this with us.

So, we'll do one full cycle. Alone. $15,000 (ish). $15,000 we don't have and we don't want to finance all of it.

Insert the grand scheme here, for Joey to get a job with a company that offers IVF coverage. He gets the job, I get on his insurance, and when December rolls around I can start popping BCPs in preparation for getting pregnant. We'll see how well this brilliant plan to cheat the insurance industry works in this economy, where trying to get a job is like trying to get pregnant when you're infertile. But hey, at least that also buys us time to save money in case we do need to finance part of this.

In the meantime, I have an acupuncture consult tomorrow at noon. I figure I may as well channel my energy into some alternative, less-expensive method of increasing my fertility. Not to mention helping my relax. Let's face it--we all know I need that.

I'm not going to lie. Part of me says, "Screw it." We could take that $15,000 and spend time in Europe. Or go sit on a beach where someone serves us drinks for two weeks. Because I just don't understand why.

Why do I have to BUY my chance at having a baby?


Kaitlin said...

Aw love. I don't understand it either. I don't understand why is has to cost so much. Isn't it bad enough that someone can't have their own. Why do they have to pay THAT much for it?

Let me know how acupuncture goes. I've been really thinking about it lately. I need to relax too. I'm a constant worrier/stresser.

I'm hope everything works out for you. That would be great if your hubby could find a job that covers IVF. My Hubs has been having a hard time just finding a JOB. He's been out of work over 4 months now. It really sucks.

Heidi said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in the same boat. We did 4 iui's and had the chance to do 2 more but I was sick of wasting my time, money and emotions when I knew they would not work. We never thought we could afford IVF so I was beginning to accept a Child Free life until my parents all of a sudden sold their home and lent us the money (future inheritance).

I wish you the best of luck finding the insurance coverage, it is a life saver when it comes down the IVF! Our $17,000 ivf ended up being about $5000 with my insurance coverage!

KeepOnTrying said...

I have never heard of a shared cycle. What a great idea! Wishing you the best!

waiting for baby said...

I know exactly what you mean! But I love to complain about IF costs! Because it's like salt in wound. Urgh! Good luck to you though!

Arlyne said...

I hate this! I hate that we all, wonderful women that we are, have to beg, plead, & pay for what so many take for granted!! Keeping EVERYTHING crossed that Joey lands a job with IVF coverage! I still have a stockpile of IVF meds with your name on it if it will help in any way. ((HUGS))

S said...

I agree; it is so unfair.

I hope that things come together in a way that lets you move forward. . . whatever that is.

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go down this road. I'll be keeping everything crossed that Joey can find a job with some type of IVF coverage!

It just all seems so unfair.

Kandid Kelli said...

:( I wish things were different. Life ca be so unfair. I wish I had the means to donate to the "IVF Fund/Cutest redhead baby around fund"

I hope your acupuncture goes well and works.

ily-- see you soon!!


Marla.z said...

It's totally unfair! I agree! *hugs*

Rebecca said...

It is so unfair it makes me seethe. I hope so much that this all works out for you.

Good luck with the acupuncture. Anything that can help you reduce stress has got to be a good thing.

Leslie said...

I am sorry that you are having to go through this with IVF, the cost etc. Best wishes to your DH for getting a job with a company where insurance covers IVF! How about moving to a state like MA, NJ or IL that has IVF coverage? I know you probably do not want to move but it is another thought. Hope that you enjoy acupuncture. I love it and it helped me so much!

jensays said...

your whole first paragraph is exactly how i feel. I have never heard of the shared thing you talked about.

lis said...

dude, ivf sucks. its really not a huge process once you get to it, but it can seem so daunting, especially the monetary part of it.
we paid out of pocket for our first IVF. our clinic (in NJ) also offers shared cycles. i know you live in FL, (from your profile) but they also offer out of town monitoring so you would be able to just come up here for the actual procedure i think. we paid about $7000 for our IVF. one of their goals is to offer quality care for an affordable price. the doctor who runs the clinic is a researcher and a PHD as well as an MD. ( if you want i can ask for a new list of prices and scan in and send to you. its such a longshot but i figured i would share, just in case it helps.
thank god i have a job now that covers 4 cycles of IVF + freebie FETs. (though we just failed our 1st covered IVF) we never thought we would be in the position to have help with this process. i hope you guys find help in one way or another, and that one day it isnt so hard for everyone.

Jen said...

If nothing else, I found acupuncture to be relaxing and "centering" for my overly anxious self. Hopefully it will do that and more for you as well.

Maybe you could just win the lottery; I'm sure that's easy to do, right??!! Here's hoping you guys can get some IVF coverage. I know someone who works for Johnson and Johnson, and they have 2 full IVF cycles covered!!

Amanda said...

My fortune cookie today said that "the good things in life are free..." It made me think of babies....babies are definitely a good thing in life and they sure as hell arent free for me!

Good luck with your IVF. I'm rooting for you all the way!

S.I.F. said...

The fact that any of us have to go into so much debt for a dream that comes so easily to so many other people is baffling to me... I don't understand either. But I do love your plan for getting IVF coverage! That would be amazing! :)

Jessica said...

I know exactly how you feel. It is sickening to spend $15,000 in HOPES to have a baby.

PCOSChick said...

I too have those moments when it seems insane to spend all we do to get a child & want to say the heck with it. I think of all we could do with the money-then I go somewhere & see a baby; that reminds me why we do!

I hope you love acupuncture, as I find it IS the most relaxing thing I've ever done.

I'll be thinking of you & hoping everything works out! **hugs**

someday-soon said...

I felt the same bitter feelings and had the same vacation thoughts when it came to IVF. It's such a lame thing that some of us spend our hard earned savings for something millions take for granted {{{HUGS}}}

Kelly said...

You know that I share these exact feelings with you. I'm not a gambler and the thought of having to buy my chance, with no guarentees, makes me want to throw the towel in even more. ((Hugs)). I think it sounds like a great plan. I'm keeping it all
crossed for you!

ifcrossroads said...

Oh honey, believe me, I *totally* understand you on this one. Over 100% understand. We spent our savings on this shared risk IVF plan. I didn't know any other way around it!
I was so angry that it cost me so much to have a baby. But now, I can one million percent say that it was the best money I've ever spent. Yes, we are rebuilding our savings, but I'm so glad I did it. I honestly and truly am.
Like you I always knew in the back of my mind that IUI's wouldn't work for us. One thing I wish I had tried before shelling out the big bucks for IVF is the Micro IVF at East Coast Fertility in NYC. I could have done some of the monitoring locally here in VA and then travelled up to NYC for the procedure.
It would have been less than $5k and I think it could have worked. You seem really familiar with NYC. Maybe look into it? I believe they do free phone consults ...
Just mentioning it to you. Your dx is one of their "best outcome" scenarios ....

Kim said...

You can actually have both (the two week vacation and IVF) I have researched IVF Vacations or holidays. Check it's not for everyone but you just might be interested.

And I have considered changing jobs to get IVF coverage but how do you know if the employer has IVF coverage?! What an awkward question to ask at an interview!!!! Although they do list some companies on conceive online.

Enjoy the acupuncture..I adore it.

erika said...

I ditto Kim.
With half of that money, you can go to Europe,do an IVF, have fun and come back home pregnant!
That's my plan.
First, I thought Ray had a crazy idea in the shower, but after looking at those numbers I had to realize it just made sense to go that way. With the clinic we plan to work with, a cycle cost 1500 Euros. 2000 with ICSI. No kidding. Success rates? same as here. Medication? cheaper, too.
I also just have read this article in Conceive, that some insurance companies cover and encourage IVF tourism bc of the reduced costs abroad.

Waiting Lisa said...

I hope your acupuncture appointment went well. It's relaxing, and I think it can really work, but for me it was so hard to stay still for an hour. I got bored. But, I think that is just my own issue with not being able to just be by myself in silence. I was always getting in trouble b'c he would come back and some of the needles would have fallen out. I could never stay still!

Every once in a while, Adam and I play the "what else could we do with the money" game. We took a loan out two years ago and the money has just been sitting in our account. We have not been able to do anything with it b'c we need it ready and available for whenever we get THE call. It's just sitting there. So every once in a while we will go back and forth listing all the things we could do with the money. Build a fence between us and the neighbors, fix our front porch, get my car repaired (it's been sitting in the driveway), buy a new TV (Ours is from the early 80's- the kind built into a big wood box), go on a vacation...the list goes on and on. But, really, I know nothing material could ever compare to the one thing I want more than anything else in the world. So, we wait. And wait. And leave the money sitting in the account for the day we get the call.

Love you. Hope your grand scheme works out!

Conceptionally Challenged said...

It's not fair. I hope Joey will find a job with IVF coverage, so that you won't have to pay all of this out of pocket. It's really tough, this on top of all the emotional and physiological stress IF comes with.
(hugs) Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

I hear what you are saying about "buying a baby".

IVF was our only option, and we couldnt afford it. We live in Illinois, and while the testing is covered, the actual procedures arent. And we didnt have $10,000 cash to proceed any further. So that was the end of that.

anyways, I feel the whole industry is way over-priced; and its very unfair to people without coverage. I lost it yesterday when I found out my 28 year old, on welfare, un-married relation "really, really wanted a baby" so she got pregnant on purpose. Did I mention she is a high school dropout?

For those of us who waited until we were old enough, and able to provide, it's such a slap in the face to be facing infertility at a relatively young age.

but I digress; you are allowed your bitter moments, but I think IVF is worth the money. If we had it, we would have done it, for sure. No price tag is too high for such a gift!