Sunday, May 16, 2010

welcome home

I stepped away for a week, but for me, it seems much longer. Let me tell you: every one of your comments of support meant the world to me. Some made me cry, others made me smile. I truly appreciate all of you. I hope you know that.

But even though I missed each and every one of you, I'm happy I took a break. It was a very stressful week at work and I needed to simplify my life for a week. I needed to take a few days and deal with the emotions and internal conflicts I felt about this community and my place within it. Not all of these internal conflicts are resolved, but I am getting there.

One day at a time.

My fourth and almost final IUI was on Friday morning. As of Tuesday, I had two follicles (16 and 19 mm) on my left ovary. I triggered on Wednesday night, so we can assume they were around 18 and 21 mm, respectively, at that time. I took Friday off, determined to do something for myself after the IUI. Joey's numbers (aside from the count, which was down slightly from last cycle) were drastically improved: 17.5 million, 59% motility, moving rapidly, and over 33% normal morphology. My RE did the IUI this time and he was pleased and confident. But, as I asked him to do from the beginning, he was realistic. He told me we needed to consider that, if this didn't work, next month should be our last IUI. I told him we discussed it and agreed.

One day at a time.

After the IUI, I hopped into the car, rolled the windows down, and drove to the beach to watch the launch of the shuttle Atlantis. 11 years in Florida and I have never seen a launch from that close. It was amazing and well worth the 3 hours I spent in the car (for what normally is a 40 minute round trip). It was very symbolic for me. It was the last launch for Atlantis and there are only two more launches until they end the program.

There are only two shots left for us to have a biological child.

Right now, I feel good. Very good. Tomorrow I will begin reading and commenting again, but I may not post another entry for a few days. We'll see how the next few days progress.

39 comments:

Secret Sloper said...

You sound much better. I'm glad the break was a healthy, restful time for you and that you found some hope (even if also some fear) in your viewing of the shuttle launch. Those numbers sound good, and each iui has a chance of working. I hope this one is your winner.

Waiting Lisa said...

It's nice to hear from you.

I've been thinking about you.

*hugs*

Trisha said...

im so glad you're back, and have found some sliver of peace in your time away.

Kelly said...

I was so happy to see that you had posted. That may sound selfish, but I knew if you were posting, that you had felt at least a little bit better. I know last week was a tough week for you.

We all missed you and we all value you...your support and love mean the world to me. I hope you know that. I also hope that I offer that to you in return. It's interesting to me that I feel like you're one of my best friends, yet we've never even met.

Ok...too much sappy stuff. You're an amazingly strong woman. Don't forget that.

Kandid Kelli said...

welcome back Katie! You were missed. I am glad youre feeling better.

xo
-K

someday-soon said...

So happy you had a nice break and even took some time from work to have to yourself =) GL this month, I hope this IUI is THE one!

someday-soon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Infertility Doula said...

I hope for you that this IUI works. I'm new to reading your blog, but I can relate to the fear of what might be ahead should this IUI not work. It's hard letting go of something that's become familiar, for something new and much more involved like IVF. I'll check back in and hope for good news.

Al said...

Welcome back, Katie. I'm glad you took a break and feel refreshed about things - time away is sometimes so necessary.

Glad the fourth IUI went well and I hope that this one is it for you.

The shuttle launch sounds amazing, I'm glad you took the day off and got to witness that.

Hugs.

JC said...

Hey Katie! I'm glad you're back! It sounds like your IUI went really well and I'm glad you got to take the day off. Sounds like a fun day watching the launch (minus the traffic). I hope #4 was/is the lucky one.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better too. Hope next week isn't too crazy for you at work. Miss you!

Astrid said...

Glad you took a break and enjoyed it. We all do it from time to time, I think it's a necessary part of the process. It's good to step back and very bad to get bogged down by the minutia. I'm excited for this cycle and can't wait to see what the next couple weeks bring.

erika said...

That symbolism is just beautiful! it brought some tears in in my eyes, but these are the tears of hope. I believe in signs, and I think Atlantis was a beautiful sign of great things coming your way. You know I am here with you, cheering you on and on through this journey. Much love your ways!
PS: what fabulous numbers!!! yeah!

Erin said...

Welcome back! I'm glad you took a break, and I hope you are feeling better.

Crossing my fingers for this IUI!

Rebecca said...

I'm so glad your break has helped you feel a little better and glad to hear th great numbers. Im crossing everything i can for you.

ifcrossroads said...

Welcome back Katie! I'm so glad you were able to take time away for yourself. I hope that you don't have to worry about this being one of your last chances at a biological child. Which reminds me to ask - are you moving on to DS or DE's? I was wondering when you said biological if I missed something ...

The Baby Race said...

Welcome back. We've clearly all missed you like crazy. But don't take that to mean you should rush back if you aren't ready. Take all the time you need!

Littlest True Blue said...

So good to hear from you! And you sound much more clear headed! Yeah for awesome numbers and positive thinking! I'll be sending virtual sticky vibes to your eggies so that they make themselve at home in your tummy! Looking forward to your next update!
LTB

Arlyne said...

Hooray for a great IUI & for seeing the shuttle launch! :)

thinking of you as always & wishing you nothing but happiness!

xo

Stefanie Blakely said...

Welcome Back, Katie!! We missed you so much.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Glad the break was helpful. We missed you! Your comments are always so welcome. Fantastic photo. Good luck with the IUI! Sending you many positive thoughts.

Jen said...

Wow, very, very cool on seeing the shuttle. It sounds like you are in a good place right now; I am wishing you much success with this IUI!

suchagoodegg said...

Yay Katie, you were missed. You sound awesome. So FREAKING COOL you saw the shuttle launch. That is awesome!

Your #s are fab and GO JOEY on the great sample. That's awesome!!

We are cycle buds. Here's hoping it's our month, lady.

Ashley said...

It's good to have you back! I have been thinking about you and it's good to hear from you. :)

S.I.F. said...

Katie, you keep taking care of you! Keep doing whatever you need to do to get through this!

And I love that you went to the Atlantis launch... that is perfect symbolism!

Stephanie said...

I was so excited to get on this morning and see a post from you!! I'm also glad you took some time for yourself, we all need a break now and then. Will be saying prayers and sending positive vibes your way this week! The shuttle launch sounds amazing and fabulous. :)

A said...

It's great to hear from you- and I love the picture and reflections on the shuttle launch :) Praying for you as always (HUG)

Crossed Fingers said...

*hugs* I'm glad you're back and glad the break is what you needed. I hope these IUI's work out for you - I truly truly do. Do you plan on going to IVF if they don't? Or do you not want to think that far ahead?

conceptionallychallenged said...

I'm glad the break made you feel better. The thought of an almost final IUI must be stressful to say the least. Thinking of you, and hoping that it works this time around.

Katie said...

Beautiful post (and beautiful pic!). I'm praying that this IUI is IT for you!!

WannabeMom said...

I'm glad you're feeling more refreshed. You have so many people thinking about you and cheering on this cycle. I pray this is the one for you and in 9 months you're holding your sweet baby. I will be right here to celebrate with you! Huge hugs and fingers crossed!!!

Maureen said...

Welcome back sweetie. Sometimes a little break is the best medicine. I am really hoping this is it for you. You certainly deserve it:)

waiting for baby said...

What a beautiful post. I will be keeping you in my prayers! :)

Sara said...

Sometimes it just takes taking a step back and simplifying life in order to gain a fresh perspective. Glad to see you are back on here! :)

JC said...

BTW Tijuana sounds good, can't wait!! =)

AplusB said...

Welcome back Katie! We missed you, but I totally understand that sometimes you just need to step away. Sounds like everything went well with this past cycle-hope the 2ww goes quickly!

Kakunaa said...

I hope that this IUI goes well. And what a way to kick off your 2ww!!! I'm eternally jealous of the shuttle launch. Some dreams never come to fruition...that was one of mine as a child. Not to watch, but to be in the shuttle. I'm glad you're back. You are welcomed with open arms.

Basic Girl said...

So glad your back, and happy to hear the break was just what you needed!! Hoping with everything I have this IUI is it for you!!

Jessica said...

Good hearing from you..I hope that IUI works so you can get out of this hell!!

Rach said...

Glad you are feeling better. It's great you are back.