Last week, I wrote about feeling in between--feeling in between not being pregnant and not being pregnant. But I also feel in between in other ways. I feel somewhat lost in infertility. What do I mean by this? Well, I'm not just starting out. I'm not temping, or using OPKs, or heading out to my first visit with the OB about trying to get pregnant. But I'm also not on the other end of the spectrum. I have never experienced pregnancy and I haven't done IVF.
Where does this leave me?
Lately, it leaves me feeling lonely. I think this feeling of loneliness is a good reason for me to take a break: from my blog and from Twitter. I don't know how long this break will last. A few days? A week? There's really no way for me to know. It will last until at least after my IUI. Right now, what I do know is that I need to step back. I can't relate to still having hope every cycle. I can't relate to loss. I can't relate to getting a BFP. I can't relate to the ins and outs of an IVF cycle. So commenting on these things feels awkward for me. I never know if I am saying the right things. I'm trying. I really am, but at times it feels overwhelming. I want to heal everyone and I can't. That's impossible. And my words just don't feel like enough right now.
So, that's that. My hiatus begins today.