Wednesday, May 26, 2010

decisions

The room has finally stopped spinning and I am doing better. Thank you all so much for your support and love. If AF shows, I will assess whether I feel like continuing with our 5th (and final) IUI as planned. Yesterday I felt so defeated, I couldn't think about going through another cycle. Today, I'm not so sure. So, we will go off to NYC this weekend, have fun, and decide on the IUI when we have to. I need to listen to my body and my heart when AF arrives to be sure. To be honest, if our final IUI fails, I'll be relieved to have a six-month break before starting IVF.

Of course, I would love to be pregnant in those six months, and then three months after that. But, at this point, I'm beginning to realize that the odds for that happening are slim.

As for my breast, my surgeon reassured me that it is not life-threatening. Meaning, he strongly believes this is not cancer. For some reason, the cells in that breast are multiplying in ways they shouldn't--but not in a way that he thinks is cancerous. This is the same way the lump was formed. After the u/s, we may know more. Honestly, I think he is stumped. I am stumped. And I wouldn't be surprised if he sent me to some kind of specialist. Though, who would I see? There's no such thing as a breast specialist, is there?

Today I am looking forward and not backward. Today I am looking to tomorrow when we leave for our NYC trip. This is what keeps me going right now.

27 comments:

Crossed Fingers said...

*HUGS*

I hope you have a BLAST on your NYC trip - enjoy every single second of it! I love that you are listening to your heart & body before making any choices. I have my fingers tightly crossed for you - no matter what choice you make.

AplusB said...

Glad to hear your doctor's reassurance about the lump. I am remaining very hopeful for you as you embark on this IUI.
Have a great time in NYC...hopefully it will be a good distraction from everything else.

2catdaughters said...

I hope you have an AMAZING time in NYC! I think some time away is exactly what you need right now.

I am still hopeful for you that AF won't show. Even if she does, I know you'll make the right decision regarding IUI#5.

A million ((hugs)) to my amazingly strong, caring, and wonderful friend.

Astrid said...

I'm so glad your surgeon has been so encouraging. Have a wonderful trip and good luck on your IUI decision. I've seen 'ok one more' work enough times to say I think I'd go for it but with IVF on the horizon, I don't think you can go wrong if you just go with your gut on this.

Jessica said...

Have a great time in NYC...its such a fun city!!

someday-soon said...

I hope you have a fun and healing trip to NYC! It's great news that the doc doesn't think it's anything life threatening...hopefully they figure out what the heck is going on REALLY soon!

S said...

I'm glad to hear that your surgeon doesn't think this is anything life-threatening. (BTW, FWIW, there are breast specialists. . . doctors who specialize in breast surgery: http://www.breastsurgeons.org/.)

I hope you have a wonderful trip this weekend--I love NYC--and return feeling renewed and invigorated.

Marla.z said...

Yay for staying positive. It's good to know that it's not cancer, though what is it?

Have crazy, mad fun in NYC! :)

Secret Sloper said...

Have a wonderful trip this weekend. If you'd like any tips on stuff to see or do, just e-mail me at parkslopepurgatory@gmail.com. I've lived here for a dozen or so years, so I have lots of fun itineraries!

I'm glad you're looking forward (and really glad the doc is optimistic).

Glass Case of Emotion said...

I am glad to hear they don't think the lump is cancerous. I hope this NYC trip is just what you need.

For what it's worth, I was disappointed the IUI's didn't work. But, I have never ever ever ever regretted moving on to IVF. After 2 years, the odds per cycle of an IUI working is about 10% and hopefully your odds with IVF would be exponentially higher... if it came to it. I wish I had done it sooner frankly.

Rach said...

Glad to hear it's not cancer. Hope your trip is great and you two have lots of fun. It's so nice to get away.

Kim said...

Enjoy your trip to NYC, sounds like it might be just what the doctor ordered right now. I am so happy to hear about the update from your doctor. Lets hope you get to take time off from TTC because there's somethign cooking in the oven. ;)

conceptionallychallenged said...

Have a good trip! Glad to hear that your doc thinks it's not cancer. (There are breast specialists though. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to see one.)
Fingers crossed for AF staying away!

Al said...

Have a great time in NYC with your hubby!

So happy to hear that your doctor is positive it's nothing to be worried about, but still....what the heck, right?

Rebecca said...

Have fun on the trip! Glad to hear it isn't cancer but hope you could figure out what is going on!

jensays said...

i was dead set against IUI #5. Then I went into it last minute, literally. The very last second that I could wait to make that decision. My heart definitely wasn't in that one but you do need to wait and see how you feel later when you can make decisions more clearly.

Basic Girl said...

Have the best time in NYC this weekend with the hubs!!! And I'm glad the dr. doesn't think its anything too serious, but dealing with it at all is no fun...ugh! Thinking of you!!

Britt said...

I hope you have a fantastic time in NYC!!! YOu deserve it!

T said...

I know some guys from high school that may think they are breast specialist.....just trying to make u smile.

erika said...

I am so glad the doctor gave you some relief. I am sure I have mentioned this to you earlier, but when I was battling with my breast lumps, I was sent to a 'breast specialist', so they exist. He was an oncologist, and I remember he was very knowledgeable, and that was very re-assuring for me by the time. Hope the u/s will clearly show everything!

As for the IUI, I was in the same shoes couple months ago, limbo between #4 and #5. It's not an easy decision, but you still have time to think about it. Still crossing my fingers AF stays away, and that you never have to worry about #5.

Katie said...

I'm so glad you are feeling better today!

And have I mentioned how completely and utterly and hopelessly JEALOUS I AM OF YOUR TRIP TO NYC????? I heart that place oh so much!.

HAVE FUN!!

junebug said...

((Hugs)) Sometimes just the viewing with a second dr. may bring a different set of eyes and views to the problem. I'll be sending good thoughts your way. Have fun in NY.
ICLW

ifcrossroads said...

First off, I'm so sorry about the BFN yesterday. I hesitated on posting that when I first read it because really, I didn't want to add to your pain. Who wants to hear I'm sorry over and over again. It sucks Katie. You've been thrown this big bag of crap and you have to keep sifting through it all. You keep your head so high and I wish that I could give you a great big hug and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could guarantee that. I know that I can't, and I know you are hurting - I'm really incredibly sorry.
Take your time deciding about the final IUI. I have my personal opinions on that, if you care to have my opinion feel free to email me, but I'm not going to leave my unsolicited advice here. You have enough on your plate.
I hope you have the most rockin' ass time in NYC. Party your bootie off and drink a million cosmos. Hell, Sex and the city is premiering tonight - what better place to see it than in NYC ... if you're a fan, of course :)

ifcrossroads said...

First off, I'm so sorry about the BFN yesterday. I hesitated on posting that when I first read it because really, I didn't want to add to your pain. Who wants to hear I'm sorry over and over again. It sucks Katie. You've been thrown this big bag of crap and you have to keep sifting through it all. You keep your head so high and I wish that I could give you a great big hug and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could guarantee that. I know that I can't, and I know you are hurting - I'm really incredibly sorry.
Take your time deciding about the final IUI. I have my personal opinions on that, if you care to have my opinion feel free to email me, but I'm not going to leave my unsolicited advice here. You have enough on your plate.
I hope you have the most rockin' ass time in NYC. Party your bootie off and drink a million cosmos. Hell, Sex and the city is premiering tonight - what better place to see it than in NYC ... if you're a fan, of course :)

JC said...

I'm so glad you have the rest of the week off and are getting to go on a fun trip. I think you guys will have a great time!!!

I'm glad your Dr doesn't think it's life-threatening, pfew. I hope they figure out what's going on though. And if/when AF shows I'm sure you guys will make the right decison for you. Thinking/prayig for you. ((hugs))

S.I.F. said...

I'm so glad your head is clearing up. I don't know that I would be there so fast if I were you, so I kind of think you are a rock star! And really? I am so tired of women in the IF world being the anomalies doctors can't explain. I hear all the time how strange my case is, and I hate it. I hope the doctor can give you some insight on what's going on with your breast soon lady!

Waiting Lisa said...

They might send you to an oncologist who works with people with breast cancer even if you don't have cancer. I was seeing a gyno oncologist years before having cancer just because I had abnormal cell growth.

Nobody would blame you if you skipped the last IUI. You have been through so much. Whatever decision you make will be the right decision for you at that time. That's the best you can do.

I hope you have an AMAZING trip.
HAVE FUN!!! :)