Friday, April 9, 2010

it's b.s.

The day has finally arrived.

Tomorrow is the very first “official” baby shower I will attend as an infertile.

I say official because I did attend/throw a work baby shower for my former boss (who, incidentally, is the woman who just lapped me). But that doesn’t count. It was in a work setting and I was hosting, so I barely had time to sit and listen to the chitchat about childbirth techniques and the wonder and miracle of bringing a life into this world.

Tomorrow will be very different. This baby shower is for one of Joey’s family members. I will most likely be the only person of childbearing age in attendance who does not have a child. Which means I will get asked, at least once, when we are going to have children. Or, if they don't know me, whether I have children.

Joey saved me some of the heartache that goes along with attending a baby shower by going out yesterday and buying the gifts, but it doesn't stop the fact that I will need to find a way to endure two hours of nothing but the one thing I don’t want to think about:

Baby.

Just typing the word “baby” makes me cringe. It makes my body temp rise. It makes my hands shake. It makes my stomach want to crawl out of my throat. It makes me want to scream. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to have a hissy fit and throw things.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

How will I get through this?

29 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry. That weekend sounds like hell. I'm here if you need me. Please. Text away. (((HUGS)))

Crossed Fingers said...

*hugs*

Marla.z said...

I'm sorry for the nightmare you're going to be facing tmr. No matter what you try to do, the subject is going to come up about having a baby. It sucks! I'm sorry. Just make sure you have a bottle of wine chilling in the frig for later that evening. *hugs*

Kandid Kelli said...

Who says its inappropriate to go drunk..phsst! NOT ME!!! YOu can also buy wine in a buy (on your way of course) and call it a juice box! That also is NOT inappropriate! ;)

Sucks that your not sick, huh? (i would nvr, except in this case wish anyone to be sick) Sry you have to endure tomorrow! You can txt me if you want. I know you had plenty of offers!

Good Luck Missy!

XO
-K

erika said...

Baby showers plain suck. I am sorry there seems to be no way out:(
Will be thinking about you.

Rebecca said...

Drinking? OK, so that's not the best recommendation, but I know that drinking afterward would definitely be top of my list!!! I'm just so sorry, sweetie. :(

ifcrossroads said...

Do you HAVE to go? I know you said it's family, but would they understand if you didn't show? Could Joey drop off your gift for you?
Either way, Baby Showers suck ass. I'm so sorry :(

Kim said...

I bet you rather pull your toenails out with a tweezer one by one. I am sorry you have to go. Wish there was something I could do to make it better.

Rach said...

So sorry you have to attend. I hope it goes well. I recently tried to attend a baby shower and it didn't go well for me. I'll probably be avoiding those for as long as I can!

Our Journey said...

gosh I wished I knew of some whitty replies to give you for tomorrows questions!! Hold your head up and shoot dagers with your eyes! All of us "infertiles" are here for you and supporting you from afar!!

HUGS

Jin said...

Tweet all the way through it. Just tell us the time and I'm sure we all will head online to distract you. I hate showers of any kind, so I cringe at that word if it doesn't mean rain or taking a bath.

The Baby Race said...

Do you have to go? I don't care if it's family, baby showers are upsetting and hard. You don't have to go. Have your husband drop off the gift. You can be "sick." Or whatever. But I wouldn't go.

Sending hugs and strength.

someday-soon said...

Are you sure you want to go? I skipped all baby showers for 2+ years! There's no shame in protecting yourself.

If you do go I hope the time flies by and you can find some folks talking about something other than babies!

waiting for baby said...

You are a braver girl than I! BUT I will let you know that when I went to visit my inlaws I was terrified about the dreaded question! Luckily, it didn't come up! So I hope you were as lucky as I!

If not, grin and bear it. Come home, throw yourself a tiny pity party, then jump back on the you can do it wagon! :)

Jessica said...

I know how hard it is to go to baby showers. I just put myself on auto pilot and go through the montions knowing that it is only an hour or so out of my life. I wish you luck...it is not easy!!

JC said...

Oh man, I'm so sorry Katie! This is not going to be a fun weekend for you. You should plan something really nice Sunday, you deserve it. If you need anything and want to vent text or call. Lord knows I always do ;). I wish I could loan you my flask. Next time let me know and you can borrow it =). ((hugs))

arlnurse said...

Oh, Katie, my heart is breaking for you right now! There's nothing I can say to make this any better, but remember that you have a fantastic husband who will be there for you, & all of us too! I'll be thinking of you! giant (((HUGS)))!!!

Carli said...

I am so sorry. Baby showers suck. I think that we should get free passes to all baby showers. I hope that it passes without incident for you.

Tomorrow must be baby shower day because I have one too. This one is for a friend (for whom I have already attended one baby shower at work). I am going because she wanted me to meet her mom - who lives in another state - and some friends of hers. I will ALSO be facing the barage of baby related issues and questions.

So if you want to have a bitch session tomorrow night, I am here for you. We can grab a bottle of wine and whine away.

HUGS!

Beth said...

God. I totally do relate.

The last one I went to before my own (yes, miracles DO happen...) I was floored by the barrage of annoying questions I got.

I finally told a complete stranger this, "Look. I am infertile. Feel better knowing? Greaaaat."

Shut her up. Then I helped the mom to be open her gifts.

What sucks is that the shower is NO reflection on you. It's about the mom to be. And who knows what difficulties she had in getting there, too. I was a the picture of joy at mine. No one really knew what hell I went through for years...

But? There are some total morons who ask the personal questions you and I could NEVER ask to someone. We have sensitivity.

My advice is - no eye rolling (not that you would). Be happy for the mom to be. That will be you someday. And drink some mimosas.

Keeping busy by helping with the gifts will also make you feel less vulnerable as you are not just watching and standing in one place - you are moving about. And by moving about, you are not inviting any comments your way whilst you are fixated on who got the mom to be the my breast friend pillow.

Know what I mean? :)

Good luck!

http://www.ivfgirl.com

The Ashes said...

Maybe you should come down with the flu tomorrow and just mail the gifts.

I would.

Tillie said...

so sorry - dealing with a baby shower or people that are pregnant is never fun...sending you lots of hugs...

Jen said...

I'm sorry, that does indeed sound like it will suck. Maybe you should do some shots before you go :). I imagine things would be easier if you were half in the bag while you were there. heheh

S.I.F. said...

The last baby shower I went to I was the only woman there without children - I was also the only one who was single. I felt like I could actually feel them looking at me and pitying me and my endometriosis taking away my fertile years before I can even find a man.

I actually got through it by playing with the kids that had been brought along. I almost completely ignored the women and their conception talk (because I will never get pregnant without extreme intervention, it just kills me to hear women talking about how they "weren't even trying"). I just got on the ground and played with the kids the entire time and it kept me sane.

I'm so sorry Katie. None of this is easy or fun and the looks from other women who wonder but don't know are heartbreaking. I'll be thinking of you...

Katie said...

Man, I hate that you have to do this. But....I'm kind of thinking what others have said...do you HAVE to go? In any case, I hope you found a way to get through it. Try R's technique of thinking of ways to maim and harm the people who get on your nerves! ;-)

AplusB said...

Oh Katie, I'm sorry. It's so hard, but you are strong. You can do this. (((HUGS)))
I agree with the others that you deserve to treat yourself to something nice this weekend.

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I hope you are feeling OK. Or, as OK as you can after a baby shower! Thinking of you today. Big hugs!

Just Me...C said...

It's so hard and I'm so sorry you have to go through it. Keeping my fingers crossed that time will just fly by for you. Hugs!

Krissi said...

I'm sorry! Baby showers are pretty brutal when you're on the other side. But it will only be a few short hours and then it'll be over. Avoid chit-chat and offer to clean up gift paper or move gifts around the room to a better location as their opened to keep busy. (*This will also give you the close up scope of what you may want to register for!*) I wrote a post about this. You can check it out here. (http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com/2010/03/03/grinning-baring-it/)
Ijust added your link on my blog!

Basic Girl said...

Well, I'm just catching up...so I already know you were super strong and survived the shower. Very proud of you hun, even if you did have the help of a few mimosas ;)!! I totally ditched a shower this weekend, I just couldn't...not with my ER looming, so I totally give you huge props for facing one this weekend!!