The day has finally arrived.
Tomorrow is the very first “official” baby shower I will attend as an infertile.
I say official because I did attend/throw a work baby shower for my former boss (who, incidentally, is the woman who just lapped me). But that doesn’t count. It was in a work setting and I was hosting, so I barely had time to sit and listen to the chitchat about childbirth techniques and the wonder and miracle of bringing a life into this world.
Tomorrow will be very different. This baby shower is for one of Joey’s family members. I will most likely be the only person of childbearing age in attendance who does not have a child. Which means I will get asked, at least once, when we are going to have children. Or, if they don't know me, whether I have children.
Joey saved me some of the heartache that goes along with attending a baby shower by going out yesterday and buying the gifts, but it doesn't stop the fact that I will need to find a way to endure two hours of nothing but the one thing I don’t want to think about:
Just typing the word “baby” makes me cringe. It makes my body temp rise. It makes my hands shake. It makes my stomach want to crawl out of my throat. It makes me want to scream. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to have a hissy fit and throw things.
I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.
How will I get through this?