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Thank you for all of your support over the years! xo

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

that train keeps a-rollin'

Over the past few days, I have received questions and comments from family and friends as to why I’m going back to school. This is frustrating for me.

If there is one truly valuable thing I've learned over the past 22 months, it's not to put your life on hold. And this was only confirmed for me last week after my negative biopsy results.

We did that at the beginning. We planned our lives around trying to have a baby. We planned everything on a child that never once existed. We saved as much as possible, hoping to have the best possible nursery for that child to sleep in. Hoping to build an education fund. Hoping to pay for child care. Planning and planning and hoping and hoping for a baby that was supposed to be here any day.

And twenty-two months later? No baby.

My personal goal this year was that I would no longer let infertility run my life.

So we bought a house. We booked a big vacation. Joey is going to continue going to school for his undergraduate degree, as planned, while working full time. And now I am going back to school for my master's degree, while working full time. We will still continue with fertility treatments.

This is not being irresponsible or reckless. This is living life. I don't feel like I have to justify this with anyone, nor do I have to lay out the details of our plan to everyone.

We have spent the last twenty-two months working hard for a miracle we have yet to witness. I am TIRED of pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into a baby that, so far, only lives within my heart. For once, I want to do something for me. Something that I enjoy and from which I know I will see the benefits. This is not about proving a point or trying to push myself. This is about doing what I want to do and doing it because I know I can.

Joey told me last night, "I have never seen you not accomplish something you've put your mind to."

And he's right.

30 comments:

Crossed Fingers said...

You go girl! :) I think your plans are wonderful - not something I would even question. Live your life and enjoy it to the fullest! :)

Kelly said...

Anyone who knows you and understands what you're going through (and have endured for so long) will realize that this makes perfect sense right now. I admire you for not being held hostage by IF.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

GREAT for you! To not let this interfere with your life. We have to live our life despite infertility, we can't make our whole lives about just the infertility. It's so much worse when that happens...

Good luck with your program!

Al said...

I think it's awesome that you're going back to do what you want to do. No time like the present! Will be rooting for you as you pursue your graduate degree and a child.

Hayley said...

You go girl! You're gonna kick ass in school! Love you!

suchagoodegg said...

For real, this is so true: The amount of stuff I've done for the elusive baby this past year...freelancing like crazy on nights and weekends to earn extra cash, no vacas, stopped running, etc etc...I love that you are doing something you WANT TO DO! Go get 'em, Katie!

Jessica said...

I decided the same thing about a year ago...and I am so glad I did because here I am a year later still with no baby. It's so important to do things for yourself. I applaud you!

Rebecca said...

Definitely good for you!! Putting our lives on hold for IF only makes us into crazy people!! This is a WONDERFUL thing to do for yourself. And, it will only make you happier in your career which can only be good for you and whatever the future holds.

People who say otherwise are ridiculous!

Ashley said...

I love this post and I love your About Me section too. You could not have said it better. Next month will be 4 years of ttc for me and the hub and in that process we bought a house and a car around the idea that kids would soon be occupying those 2 things....car is almost 5 years old and still NO CARSEATS! Ha! You have to live life and when the baby happens...that's just a bridge you burn when you get there. Good luck to you! Glad I stumbled upon your blog!!!

Jin said...

Someone called this reckless? That's insane! I think what you're doing is just fine.

Marla.z said...

Hell yes! Live your life! As Rachel Green once said, "who needs an effin baby anyways!" Lol! Who remembers that episode? Anyone?

Bean stalk ballads said...

Absolutely you MUST do all these wonderful things that are part of life. Dont listen to the naysayers... YOU and only you and your hubby know what exactly you need to do in your lives right now.

The Millers said...

Good for you!!! I think it is fantastic that you are going for what you want!!

Michelle said...

I think its wonderful that your going back to school! I planned on doing the same but we can't afford infertility treatments and school.. so having a baby won out. But, if I get better benefits.. school is the first thing I'm doing.
Good for you!

Dear Diary said...

Hi, I just started reading your blog. I think that going back to school is an awesome idea. It's going to help you focus on something else other than IF! So go foward with it you are going to do great!!!

waiting for baby said...

I know what you mean! I love you guys are planning a big trip! How fun!

I did the same thing with going back for my masters. It is two sided, some days I'm so thankful for my night class friends (who have something in common to talk about besides family life) and my intense distraction!

Also it is tough because sometimes I feel like it is such an added stress, it feels like I have three super roles; full time teacher, grad student, and IF patient.

In the long run, I think I'm glad I'm working on it now before baby. And it will improve my life and my future families lives.

So you go girl! :)

arlnurse said...

Amen to that!!! I agree 110%!!! I'm tired of not making plans because it could interfere with a cycle. I think it's awesome that you're going back to school, & since God seems to have a weird sense of humor, living your life without planning for the baby will probably make it happen when you least expect it!

The Baby Race said...

I have NO idea why anyone would question your decision to go back to school. Good for you! You go get your masters and kick some butt. I'm in a weird putting life on hold time too. I was laid off but refuse to look for another job because what if I get pregnant and then I won't have been there long enough for FMLA leave. I know, ridiculous. I'm going to take a page out of your book and move on with my life too!

Jen said...

I think it's fantastic you're going back to school; you shouldn't have to justify that to anyone. You are an adult! :-)

Dawn said...

Good for you! I think it's great that you are not putting IF first. I can't wait to hear about grad school!

Kandid Kelli said...

going back to school with only come with BENEFITS!!! A higher degree is ALWAYS a wonderful idea... Higher pay and better jobs. A maters degree is only a 2 yr program anyways (I just started)!! I am sooo happy for you Katie!

xo
-K

i_c_thru_u said...

You hit it right on. I really struggled with the control aspect of all of this for a long time because I'm not use to not being able to over come something with hard work. I'm so glad you're going back to school and doing other things in your life. Go get 'em girl!

pandadiaries said...

I am sorry that people reacted that way. When I read it I thought to myself, "Yay, that's awesome!" That is really great that you're doing that :) I wish you the best!

S.I.F. said...

Oh Katie, you are so right! You CANNOT put your life on hold, and I think you are so amazing for recognizing that! I'm also insanely jealous of you going back to school. I want to go back for my masters so bad, but I honestly don't know if I could have the energy to pull of that and work. You are a rockstar, and your baby dreams WILL come true!

A said...

I love all the plans you're making and what you're doing! We're all behind you for sure!

Just Me...C said...

I absolutely think that you should do whatever it is that you want to do. You don't owe anyone any explanations etc. Life is too short and it's certainly not a guarantee. Live in the moment and live for you! Wishing you the best in your journey. I admire you for your ambitions :)

Waiting Lisa said...

YES. I absolutely agree with you. We started trying to have a baby 7 years ago. So many things were put on hold during that time. And before we knew it, seven YEARS had gone by.

I'm really proud of you for doing this. It's great.

Katie said...

GOOD FOR YOU!! There's nothing quite a like a super-determined red-head! ;-)

Basic Girl said...

Your attitude is awesome, you're so right you just can't put everything on hold. We don't know what the future holds, or when things might happen...so all we can do is live for today. And if going back to school is important to you, then you should of course go back and enjoy every second of it!! I think its awesome!!

JC said...

YAY, I'm excited for you! You shouldn't have to answer anyone's questions or explain anything. There's nothing to explain. You're freakin awesome and you're gonna have a freaking Master's too! Booyaaa!!!