Over the past few days, I have received questions and comments from family and friends as to why I’m going back to school. This is frustrating for me.
If there is one truly valuable thing I've learned over the past 22 months, it's not to put your life on hold. And this was only confirmed for me last week after my negative biopsy results.
We did that at the beginning. We planned our lives around trying to have a baby. We planned everything on a child that never once existed. We saved as much as possible, hoping to have the best possible nursery for that child to sleep in. Hoping to build an education fund. Hoping to pay for child care. Planning and planning and hoping and hoping for a baby that was supposed to be here any day.
And twenty-two months later? No baby.
My personal goal this year was that I would no longer let infertility run my life.
So we bought a house. We booked a big vacation. Joey is going to continue going to school for his undergraduate degree, as planned, while working full time. And now I am going back to school for my master's degree, while working full time. We will still continue with fertility treatments.
This is not being irresponsible or reckless. This is living life. I don't feel like I have to justify this with anyone, nor do I have to lay out the details of our plan to everyone.
We have spent the last twenty-two months working hard for a miracle we have yet to witness. I am TIRED of pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into a baby that, so far, only lives within my heart. For once, I want to do something for me. Something that I enjoy and from which I know I will see the benefits. This is not about proving a point or trying to push myself. This is about doing what I want to do and doing it because I know I can.
Joey told me last night, "I have never seen you not accomplish something you've put your mind to."
And he's right.