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Thank you for all of your support over the years! xo

Saturday, March 20, 2010

lost and lopsided


I sort of expected to wake up from the lumpectomy similar to how I woke up from my lap. Drowsy, out of it, but receiving generally good news from my doc. Instead, I woke up crying my eyes out, scratching my face (both bad reactions from the anesthesia) and no real news to report. We know as much as we knew before: it's not a clogged milk duct and, much to my dismay, not a cyst. I really wanted it to be a cyst. Everyone was sure that's what it was, so that's what I hung on to. They are biopsying the tissue and my doc will have the results by Wednesday afternoon. I have to call first thing Monday morning to make an appointment for Thursday to get my results.

My right boob is now smaller than my right, and I have an ugly incision halfway around my nipple. As my husband said, good thing I'm not single. I'd have to make up some outrageous story about getting in a knife fight with a sorority girl in college. They gave me Darvocets again for pain, even though I specifically told them they 1) aren't strong enough, 2) make me constipated, and 3) cause me not to sleep. So on day two, I am cranky as hell, tired, constipated, and extremely sore. I also can't shower until later today, so you can add "incredibly dirty and greasy" to the mix.

I wish I had a brighter post to write, but I just don't have it in me right now. I'm not happy or cheery. I just am sort of at a loss for my emotions. The plus side is that my little brother is home from college and he's going to drive me around in my drug-induced stupor today. He's taking me to get New Moon on DVD and then we are going by to see the new place (Joey's there already measuring the walls so his dad can order paint and moving stuff from our storage unit into the garage).

I'll try my best to get caught up on everyone's blogs tomorrow. I just wanted to say thank you all so much for the tweets, texts, love, and prayers.

33 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Wish I was there to give you a hug (not too tight of course). I don't really know what to say to even try to make you feel better other than I'm here for you. I wish you didn't have to go through any of this. Hope you're able to veg out today & watch New Moon. Feel better sweetie!

Crossed Fingers said...

Aw I'm sorry to hear they still aren't sure. Wednesday cannot get here soon enough. I'm also sorry to hear about your drugs and the side effects, I don't blame you for being cranky. I know I would be the same way. I hope you enjoy your time with your brother though and try to get some relaxation in there. I know, easier said than done.

nicolemarie said...

I hope your recovery gets better... try to take it easy over the next few days. And here's to good news next week! HUGS!

Jessica said...

I'm sorry you are feeling crappy and that they are still unsure about the lump. I hope there is good news on Thursday.

Take care of yourself!!

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry to hear that it wasn't a cyst. Don't worry about not sounding upbeat. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I hope that you can relax today and enjoy yourself as much as you can. (((HUGS))) I wish I could be there to help keep you company.

Arlyne said...

giant (((HUGS))) Katie!!! you've been incredibly strong through all of this! I'll be thinking of you & praying with everything I've got that you get good news on Thursday!

JC said...

Huge huge ((hugs)). I hope you feel better and recover quickly. And I hope the days go by super fast until Thursday. I'm praying everything is ok, it HAS to be. Relax this weekend and take care of yourself.

ps-I agree with making up a crazy story for your scar. ;) I did that with mine and every time I broke a bone. =)

erika said...

Huge (((HUGS))), Katie. I am so very sorry about the sucky procedure:( and also for being in the limbo for couple more days. I hope the wound will heal nicely for you, with not much for a scar and you start feeling better soon.
FX crossed for this story to be over on Monday for good, and with great results!
***
Enjoy your new place! how fun you can already start painting and soon decorating. Have you decided about colors and design, yet? Yay!

someday-soon said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Hopefully you get good news on Thursday, keeping everything crossed for you!!!

IF Crossroads said...

It just blows that you have to deal with all this shit Katie. Totally blows. It's not fair and I hate the cosmic gods for causing you all this pain.
Sending you enormous amounts of love and I hope your day is pain-free.

The Baby Race said...

Sending hugs! Waiting for the results must be awful. I'm sorry and sending lots of warm thoughts of quick recovery your way.

Waiting Lisa said...

I'm so sorry. We are all here waiting on pins and needles for your results with you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

*HUGS*

Amanda said...

Praying for good news!

The Millers said...

I think you should still go with the knife fight with the sorority chick! It would be one heck of a conversation starter!!
I am praying for good results next week. Take it easy and enjoy your movie!

Noelle said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this hard time. I am praying for you. I think about you a lot.

You are so strong. I pray that you will be able to remain strong throughout all of this.

I am praying for wonderful results.

Rebecca said...

I am sending you so many virtual (((hugs)))) and thinking all the positive thoughts and prayers I can for you. I hope the recovery gets better and the news is great this week.

suchagoodegg said...

Oh, Katie, I'm sending you tons 'o hugs and totally thinking of you this weekend. C'mon Wednesday, can't wait for you to finally, finally get some answers. ICK on the side effects. Hang in there girl!!

Erin said...

Big hugs, Katie! This much be so hard. I will send happy thoughts that you start feeling better soon, and that the time passes quickly for you to get your results.

Jen said...

It must be so hard to have another surgery so soon after your last one. That really sucks about the drugs; the only pain meds I have ever had was Vicodin, and I have to say it was pretty awesome. I'm so sorry you are having a crappy recovery and have to wait until Thursday for your results. I don't blame you a bit for being cranky!

Kandid Kelli said...

xoxo

sending my love Katie!

xo
-K

Bean stalk ballads said...

Katie honey.. what a hard time for you right now. Physical changes are always tough.. particularly those you werent expecting. I hope that you are having some positive moments in this tough time. Thinking of you.

Jen said...

I hope you get some good news on Thursday and that Taylor Lautner with his shirt off makes you feel better!

Katie said...

Hope you are feeling a bit better today. I'll be thinking about you this week as you wait for your results. ((hugs))

Dawn said...

Katie, I'm so sorry it wasn't a cyst. I'm praying that you get good news this week! Have fun watching New Moon!

Kristin said...

Hoping and praying things turn out well.

Alice said...

Katie - I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. And, I love your sorority fight story. You're amazing to keep up some sense of humor through all of this. I'll be praying you get "good" results - I wish I could make it better. I hope the pain improves so you can stop taking those evil drugs. Hugs to you.

Al said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so crappy and you're still waiting for answers. I hope that Wednesday brings great news and you're feeling better today. *hugs*

Basic Girl said...

Oh Katie, I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. You have seriously been such a trooper through all of it, so don't beat yourself up for being down. It's not fair, and you've been through a lot of shit in the last couple months. Hopefully hubby took good care of you all weekend, and you enjoyed New Moon (I got it too)!! And praying for good news on Thursday, hang in there until then!! (((HUGS)))

Ashley said...

Ugh. I hate darvocet. It's what they gave me after my retrieval. I didn't have sleeping problems but it definitely made me clogged. I hope you start feeling better soon and that you get great news on thursday.

cowgirltn said...

Prayers for the results. I have had 3 biopsy's in the last 5 years. Don't feel you need to be strong let your heart go through your emotions and lean on your family.

sonja said...

Thinking of you and praying for good results on Wednesday. (A small comfort: I had a bacterial cyst removed from my right breast and my incision was in the same place and looked the same as you described. It took a year or so but now you can hardly see it.)

I hope all your worries will be alleviated Wednesday.

LFCA

Becca M said...

*gentle hugs* I pray that the biopsy is clear and that your recovery improves. I would be cranky too.

liberalgranolagirl said...

*gentle hugs* I pray that the biopsy is clear and that your recovery improves. I would be cranky too.