Tuesday, February 16, 2010

a new day

I’m feeling a little better today. I needed time to grieve and regain my composure.

My husband is a healthy 32-year-old. He takes daily fertility vitamins. He eats well. He’s in great shape. He drinks lots of water and hardly ever drinks caffeine or alcohol. He has never smoked a day in his life.

None of that explains why none of his sperm are moving rapidly, almost half aren't moving at all, and about 3/4 are abnormal, leaving us with somewhere between 2 and 4 million "viable" swimmers which are moving poorly or are not moving forward.

I’m not going to ask the obvious question of why this is happening. I can’t because we’ll never get the answer to that question. The fact is we have no control over this. As we both agreed last night: It sucks, but it is what it is.

They will retest in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully the numbers will be better. If they aren’t, we’ll discuss options after my LAP. Obviously Femara + natural is most likely out. I imagine it will be Femara + IUI or maybe injects + IUI for a limited number of tries before IVF? Who knows. I’m trying not to speculate too much. As my husband likes to remind me, I am not a doctor. (Thank God for that.)

So, for the time being, I’m trying not to think about how to afford IVF.

I’m really, really trying.

24 comments:

Crossed Fingers said...

I'm sorry you were dealt that hand - I hope you can try an IUI or IVF and get your BFP that way. Sending lots of T&P and good vibes.

Kelly said...

I'm glad that you're trying to keep things in perspective, as much as it stinks. I admire you for that. Don't think about IVF yet. You're not there yet. There will be plenty of time to think about it IF you get to that place.

(((HUGS)))

Kandid Kelli said...

This just breaks my heart. I am so sry Katie. Good luck. You have a good RE now... stay positive, your LAP is coming up & i believe that will bering brighter days! :)

xo
K

Anonymous said...

Where do you live? Some states have laws requiring insurance to fund ivf. My insurance is self funded so they are exempt but I got on my husbands as a secondary and they will fund one ivf up to $15,000. They don't pay for iuis though.

Elizabeth said...

Like I said on your previous post this just sucks. It is not fair to have this hurdle to have to get over. You are one of the most kind hearted women I have ever met, and I know you will make a fantastic mother. I'm so sorry that it's not coming easy to either one of us. I'm here for you. ((hugs))

Oh, and your new blog design is beautiful! I love it

suchagoodegg said...

I hope the re-test in two weeks brings you better news. ((hugs)) I just know your doc WILL have a plan to get you guys pregnant no matter what the outcome of the next SA. Thinking of you.

Al said...

I'm so so sorry, Katie, this just sucks. I hope the retest shows much better results next time and your RE will have a great plan after the LAP and the results. Will be sending you lots of T&Ps and here, cheering you on. Hang in there. HUGS.

2catdaughters said...

Like you've told me millions of times, just take things one step at a time. It's hard, especially when you're a "planner," but it's really your only option right now. Otherwise, it's just too overwhelming.

I'm still hoping that this SA was just an aberration and that the next one will be much, much better.

HUGS!!!

erika said...

It sounds you are in good hands, you have a good doctor and I am sure you will have a great plan after the LAP. FX for improving numbers for DH!
I am glad to see you feel better and that you guys had a chance to talk through things again. You have an amazing hubby for being such a wonderful support to you!

Rain Child said...

I remember the feeling I had when we first found out about my DH's numbers....it was horrible. I felt lost and depressed. Wait until his second test comes back...and then definitely see a fertility-specialized urologist.

My thoughts are with you. I know how hard this is.

Rebecca said...

I'm just so sorry about this but I'm glad that you're feeling ready to move forward.

Jessica said...

I know how hard it is to get bad news and then try and decide what step to take next. Nothing about this is easy!!

Thinking of you!!

Bean stalk ballads said...

Katie.. one step in front of the other one step at at time is all you can do right now..I am here for you... and praying for you.

Noelle said...

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I agree with the other posters in that you are not at IVF yet. One step at a time.

I have learned through reading your blog that you are an incredibly strong person. You are going to make a wonderful mother.

I'm so sorry.

someday-soon said...

Happy you are feeling a bit better today! We also experience MF issues and our RE said that once there are less than 5M motile swimmers in a sample he recommends IVF. He also said that if we were going right to IVF the LAP might not be needed. I only say this so you can review the options with your doc and avoid a surgery if s/he feels the same way mine did. GL, I know this kind of news SUCKS to take in!

waiting for baby said...

Sorry, hopefully things will improve. :) Lots of happy thoughts your way!

What are male feritility vitamins? Just curious.

JC said...

You sound good. I'm glad you and your hubby talked and are where you are right now. It's true, we'll never know why things are the way they are, and you're doing everything you possible can. Try to take it one thing at a time. I can't think beyond this IUI or the next...I just can't even go there yet without a bunch of stomach knots and tears. ((hugs))

Jin said...

God, that sucks. How long is the wait for the next check?

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry, Katie. I'll pray that those numbers are much higher in a few weeks.

AplusB said...

I am really really hoping for better results the next time around. Hang in there, I know these are the results you wanted, but I still have lots and lots of hope for you!

Trisha said...

oh, Katie, this totally sucks and doesn't seem fair at all. But you're strong and I know you will find a way to cope, we're all here for you. Stay strong.

Arlyne said...

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this (((HUGS))) but you seem to be handling it well, & have the right attitude. One step at a time. We're right beside you every step of the way, girl!

The Millers said...

The one thing that gets me through this journey is my husband. Being on the same page and the support we have for each other...it is really the only way we have stayed sane. I am so glad to hear you are both staying strong and working together. You are in my prayers.

Basic Girl said...

I'm so sorry about the results, it's just so frickin unfair. (((hugs))) Thinking of you, and hoping the retest shows an improvement.

Oh, and here is the link to what my RE reccomended. I'm sure it's very similar to FertileAid, but in any case:

http://www.coastscience.com/products/malefertilitysupplement.html