Thursday, January 7, 2010

play nice

I promised this post was coming. It's not going to be nice. (If you want a nice version of this post, please visit my dear friend Kelly's blog.)

A few months ago, I decided to allow anonymous commenting. I'm an open book (as you can tell from reading my blog posts) and I thought it would be nice to give other people the opportunity to be open with me who might not want to reveal their identity.

I want to remind people that despite the fact that you can't see me, I am real. I am a real person and I have feelings. This means that when you leave a comment on my blog and it's mean, my feelings get hurt. But it's happened several times in the last few weeks, and now I've become angry. Frankly, I don't really give a shit if you don't think I'm a good writer. I didn't start this blog for you and I won't change my writing for you, either. I DOUBLE don't give a shit if you think I whine a lot. Guess what? Infertility sucks. Unless you go through it yourself, you have no room to talk. If you have gone through or are going through infertility, then you probably have whined once or twice about your own inability to have children. Therefore, I have no idea why you are hating on me. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.

This blog is supposed to be a way for me to vent my feelings / beliefs / fears / hopes / dreams / nightmares about this process. It is supposed to connect me with other members of the IF community so we can support and lean on one another. It is not mean for us to criticize each other.

If you leave me a nasty comment, I will delete it. Don't think you are better than everyone else because you can hide behind your curtain. You aren't better than everyone else: you're a coward. I'm not going to engage you, I'm just going to get rid of you. And if it continues to be an issue, I'll make it impossible for you to insert your very lousy two cents.

We need to be kind. We need to treat each other fairly and with compassion. Being infertile should mean sensitivity. If you can't grasp that by now, then you're just plain stupid (and you can't fix stupid). If you aren't infertile? Then try walking a day in one of our shoes. I'm going to guess you wouldn't make it.

20 comments:

Kelly said...

Nope. You just can't fix stupid. Pity. I can't imagine going through life like that. :)

And, fwiw, what you said is more along the lines of what I wanted to say. :)

Katie said...

I'm going to guess that those people wouldn't make it an HOUR in your shoes, let alone a whole f'ing day! And you are so right. You can't fix stupid. And, boy, that must suck.

Well said, my friend!

A said...

Ugh, I am sorry for the hater comments! I can't imagine anyone who knows what it's like to be on our journey would leave anything mean. And I can't imagine why anyone who wasn't on our journey would be so involved as to leave comments on an infertility blog! :-P (Stupid...?) Anyway, just know that you can whine to me all day long :)

AplusB said...

Well said. I'm sorry you are getting hurtful comments. I don't understand why people who choose to be nasty can't even admit who they are. Cowards is right - and good for you for deleting them.

Al said...

Very well said, Katie! I'm sorry that you have to read and put up with these mean comments. I hope whoever left the comments reads this and gets the message. But then again, you're right, you can't FIX STUPID.

I want to know what sort of comments prompted this and even more what kind of idiot leaves such an insensitive comment. Who lacks compassion to understand and at the very least respect that infertility is HARD and in order to deal with it and move forward, well, sometimes you need to whine and be hurt and complain that it's unfair. Because it is unfair and it does suck.

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK.

Arlyne said...

(((HUGS))) Katie!! I hate stupid! I can't even imagine the person that would do something so cruel & insensitive. Good for you for fighting back! we're all behind you!

Rach said...

Nicely put.

Some people can be so rude. Boo to mean comments!

Jin said...

If that person or those people are complaining because you're whining, they're obviously not IFers. Especially since we do that at least 2x a cycle. At. Least. I'm sorry Katie.

Fertility Chick said...

AMEN to this. Sorry you've had to deal with hurtful comments. Some people just don't get it. Mean people do in fact SUCK.

JC said...

AMEN sister! I got your back too! =)

Erin said...

I'm so glad you posted this. Mean commenters need to be called out. So sorry you had to deal with them!

Jen said...

I can't imagine commenting on someone's blog to tell them they whine too much! WTF? Then don't read it. Or that they aren't a good writer? seriously. Nope, can't fix stupid. Amen, sister

bumpsalongtheway said...

AMEN Sister! I think the people making rude comments are pathetic. If they have an issue with your blog, they should not read it!

Leslie said...

I am so sorry to hear that people have left mean comments! I do not understand how someone can do that. Makes me so mad to hear about it! Hopefully they will go away now!

Stefanie Blakely said...

All I do is whine lately. :)

I love your blog, Katie. Don't change a thing.

Kelli-Sue said...

All I have to say is amen! & who could be mean to you? You're one of the sweetest ppl I read!!!

Leelers♥ said...

I dont know you all that well, but I do read quite often. I cant believe people have to nerve to say such things. I think U are a awesome person going threw a terrible thing, and you have all the right to whine, or cry, and complain all you want. I hope the best for you, and your in my prayers.

Bean stalk ballads said...

Katie.. honey. I have had them too and I dont print thier nasty little missives. I dont give them that satisfaction.

ifcrossroads said...

What the hell? Who would say something mean on an infertility blog? What kind of people are out there?

Rude! Rude! Rude!

Carli said...

Today was my first time reading your blog. I was so shocked to see this post - not that you didn't have a right to write it - but that you HAD to. I can't believe that people can be so cruel as to kick you when you are down! IF is something that is terribly hard to deal with Damn it and we infertiles should have a right to let our feelings and frustrations out somewhere! You go!