Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2009

2009 was a year of . . .

pain – when Joey lost his job one day after President Obama’s inauguration, it was almost impossible to bear. I remember the phone call vividly. I was on my way to work. Joey had left an hour before me because he had the early shift. We had just talked the night before about the unstable economy and the possibility of him losing his job. “Yeah,” he said. “I worry about it.” I cried the entire drive to work after he told me he’d been laid off, and in my mind I watched our savings account drain for every month he would be unemployed. I never thought it would take six months and a move four states away for him to regain employment.

heartache – when we were told Grandpa Dick had a stroke. I lost all of my grandparents before I graduated college, so I had grown particularly fond of Joey’s grandparents over the six years we had been together. Grandpa Dick was a spry, 85-year-old WWII vet when he succumbed to pneumonia later this year, on Saturday, September 5. We miss him dearly, along with his inappropriate jokes and his “high kicks” over his head.

happiness and disappointment – when we celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary. With Joey out of work and me barely making ends meet, we decided to keep our anniversary simple and travel to Atlanta for the weekend. Our anniversary was a happy one, but it also meant we had reached the one-year mark in trying to conceive our first child. At this point we knew we were infertile and it would be difficult to reach our goal, but we were happy to have each other. We still are, as we enter our third calendar year of marriage and third calendar year trying to make a baby.

change – when we uprooted ourselves and moved back home to Florida after two years of living in Nashville. There are times when we miss Tennessee, but in our minds and in our hearts, we know we made the right decision by coming home. Our move was largely based on financial reasons, but it was also a result of two years worth of homesickness and missing the warmer weather. Although neither Joey nor I were born in Florida, I think it’s safe to say that we are officially Florida “people” and will think twice again before moving to a state with cooler climates. One thing we miss most about Tennessee? The people.

hope – when we went to see the RE for the first time in October. It really brought new life into our battles with infertility. We knew this doctor was one of the best in the business and he came highly recommended by a number of people. He seemed confident that he could help us reach our goal, and that confidence transferred into me almost immediately.

and fear – when our first two rounds of treatment didn’t work. We both poured our heart, soul, and all of our energy and faith into those two IUIs. And when neither of them worked, it crushed us. I think the second negative was easier to bear. With two IUIs behind us and only a limited number ahead, fear started to set in that maybe we wouldn’t see this goal. Maybe being parents wasn’t in the cards for us. Maybe life really just isn’t fair.

Without looking back, I know this wasn’t the best year. It could have been a lot worse. We could be homeless or have no food on the table. We could both be out of work. But we aren’t any of those things. We are still living, breathing, healthy human beings. We still love and have each other. That is all that matters, right? Yes, I want a child . . . badly. I want a house we can call our own. I want stable finances. So I hope, wish, and pray that 2010 is a better year. I know it’s impossible to expect next year to be perfect or for everything to happen that I want to happen, but it HAS to be better than this year. We’ve worked hard for it. We deserve it.

14 comments:

Bean stalk ballads said...

You do deserve it Katie. you deserve every little bit of it. every single second and i hope this year is the one for you.

Jen said...

Katie I know 2010 will be a much better year for you!
The first IUI that ended in a BFN was the hardest by far for me. It's so hard to put all your time and money into it and then have it end the way every other cycles did.
I hope 2010 starts out very well for you!

Tina said...

Katie, I you definitely deserve for 2010 to be a wonderful year! I hope it begins in the best way...

Kelly said...

You're definitely one at the top of the list to have a better 2010!

JC said...

I agree, you deserve a better year in 2010. I really hope it's a great one!

AplusB said...

Oh, I'm sorry that beside the disappointment of IF you had to deal with a death in the family and unemployment. Yuck - what a combo. Hoping 2010 brings bigger and better things for us both!

Katie said...

I'm hoping and praying for all those things for you in the coming year, too! You are so right. You DO deserve it.

:-)

Anonymous said...

I really like your blog. And I wish you ALL the best. A year ago I had NO idea why I was infertile. THIS year I finally got answers. It's frustrating, heart breaking, disappointing, and lonely.

But know this? I am pregnant now. 5 1/2 months. And if happened to me, it can happen to anyone. Really and truly.

Contact me anytime at ivfgirl@gmail.com or on my blog, http://www.ivfgirl.com. I am adding you on twitter, too.

Your year didn't sound so hot so I am wishing you a BETTER 2010.

2009 was a jerk.

Nice to meet you, girl.

Beth

teamjinfred said...

So, this time next year I hope that the 2010 in review post is much much brighter and happier.

Elizabeth said...

I'm hoping 2010 is a much better year for us all. I'm sorry you had hard times in 2009, but I feel like I too need to be thankful for what I DO have. I'm happy for instance that I found a fantastic group of ladies (including you!) that make this journey at least a little less painful. Just want you to know I'm still cheering you on, and I pray for 2010 pregnancies for us both!

A said...

I really pray that 2010 will be a better happier year for you!!

Erin said...

My husband lost his job in 2009 too. It was awful.

Anyhow, here's to all that 2010 will bring us!

Dawn said...

Katie, I'm praying that 2010 is a much better year for you! You very much deserve it!

Tina said...

I know that 2009 was such a hard year for y'all, but I just have such a great feeling that 2010 is going to be SO MUCH better!

Happy New Year!