2009 was a year of . . .
pain – when Joey lost his job one day after President Obama’s inauguration, it was almost impossible to bear. I remember the phone call vividly. I was on my way to work. Joey had left an hour before me because he had the early shift. We had just talked the night before about the unstable economy and the possibility of him losing his job. “Yeah,” he said. “I worry about it.” I cried the entire drive to work after he told me he’d been laid off, and in my mind I watched our savings account drain for every month he would be unemployed. I never thought it would take six months and a move four states away for him to regain employment.
heartache – when we were told Grandpa Dick had a stroke. I lost all of my grandparents before I graduated college, so I had grown particularly fond of Joey’s grandparents over the six years we had been together. Grandpa Dick was a spry, 85-year-old WWII vet when he succumbed to pneumonia later this year, on Saturday, September 5. We miss him dearly, along with his inappropriate jokes and his “high kicks” over his head.
happiness and disappointment – when we celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary. With Joey out of work and me barely making ends meet, we decided to keep our anniversary simple and travel to Atlanta for the weekend. Our anniversary was a happy one, but it also meant we had reached the one-year mark in trying to conceive our first child. At this point we knew we were infertile and it would be difficult to reach our goal, but we were happy to have each other. We still are, as we enter our third calendar year of marriage and third calendar year trying to make a baby.
change – when we uprooted ourselves and moved back home to Florida after two years of living in Nashville. There are times when we miss Tennessee, but in our minds and in our hearts, we know we made the right decision by coming home. Our move was largely based on financial reasons, but it was also a result of two years worth of homesickness and missing the warmer weather. Although neither Joey nor I were born in Florida, I think it’s safe to say that we are officially Florida “people” and will think twice again before moving to a state with cooler climates. One thing we miss most about Tennessee? The people.
hope – when we went to see the RE for the first time in October. It really brought new life into our battles with infertility. We knew this doctor was one of the best in the business and he came highly recommended by a number of people. He seemed confident that he could help us reach our goal, and that confidence transferred into me almost immediately.
and fear – when our first two rounds of treatment didn’t work. We both poured our heart, soul, and all of our energy and faith into those two IUIs. And when neither of them worked, it crushed us. I think the second negative was easier to bear. With two IUIs behind us and only a limited number ahead, fear started to set in that maybe we wouldn’t see this goal. Maybe being parents wasn’t in the cards for us. Maybe life really just isn’t fair.
Without looking back, I know this wasn’t the best year. It could have been a lot worse. We could be homeless or have no food on the table. We could both be out of work. But we aren’t any of those things. We are still living, breathing, healthy human beings. We still love and have each other. That is all that matters, right? Yes, I want a child . . . badly. I want a house we can call our own. I want stable finances. So I hope, wish, and pray that 2010 is a better year. I know it’s impossible to expect next year to be perfect or for everything to happen that I want to happen, but it HAS to be better than this year. We’ve worked hard for it. We deserve it.