Wednesday, October 28, 2009

what is normal?

I want to preface what I'm about to write with this: I don't wish infertility on anyone. I am genuinely happy for every single woman in my life--and there are eight so far--who have gotten pregnant since we started trying to get pregnant. I've helped throw one a baby shower and visited her in the hospital after her baby was born. I would never, ever wish what I'm going through on anyone else. Ever.

But it doesn't help when I hear that said individual (who I visited in the hospital and helped throw a baby shower for) is already trying for baby #2, when baby #1 is exactly six months old. It's bad enough that I have to endure the constant e-mails about how precious her baby is and how much she LOVES being a mom. Now I know I will see one any day now about her being "blessed" with baby #2.

The kicker in this is that she knows. She knows everything. She was there at the very beginning when Joey and I were diagnosed. Does anyone have any courtesy anymore? Any respect? Don't worry. You don't need to answer that. In reality, we all know the answer. There are people out there who don't understand and never will. Congratulations. I'm so happy it's just so easy for you to decide that you are going to make a baby, right here and right now. Really. It's thrilling.

WHY ME? It's the question each of us ask ourselves over and over again. I feel chained to this infertile identity and the key is on the other side of the room. Sometimes I just wish I could be normal, but really . . . what's the good in wishing? Because when I put my feet back on the ground and get a grasp on reality again, I know that wishing is useless. This is who I am. I will never be normal.

8 comments:

Willow said...

Oh, Katie, I'm so sorry. My own cousin, 4 yrs younger & who got married around the time we started trying, now has a 1-yr-old and is due again in March. Not fair! I wish I knew why this is happening to us, but really can't think of any good reason. Ok, I counted, and we're at 17 babies born (or on the way) to our close friends or cousins in the 3 yrs we've been trying. Ouch. Also, how insensitive of your friend! And, thank you for your comment & good thoughts!

Minta said...

Ouch! It's always worse when it comes from the ones who know. The ones that you trusted enough to let in on your own personal hell for support. I feel for you.

A baby for Al? said...

Ouch. It's the worst when the people that you've confided in are callous to your feelings. They know how difficult this is, yet they choose to take the easy way out. And I can't believe she sends emails to you about how great it is to be a Mom. Ugh, that would piss me off. Have you said anything to her?

2catdaughters said...

Katie, I agree 100% that I wouldn't wish this on anybody. However, that doesn't mean I don't wish that people like your friend with the "I'm so blessed, I love being a mom" crap wouldn't just put a sock in it. Maybe you should say something to her. She might not realize how obnoxious she is coming across to you. ((hugs))

Coffeegrl said...

What a difficult and painful position to be in. It's just amazing to me how hard it is for some people to be sensitive to the needs of others when it comes to family building. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now.

Kelly said...

Apparently I'm not to with it today...I commented on this post down with your new blog url. DUH.

Rest assured, you are very, very normal. (((HUGS)))

Jin said...

omg, I HATE the whole "so blessed to be pregnant/have a baby" comment. It's like, so you're saying I'm dammed because we're having a hard time and you're not?

Maybe point that out to her about how obnoxious that is?

JC said...

I'm so sorry Katie. This totally sucks and no one outside of the IF world "really" gets it. Some people it's not even worth trying. Some at least are sensitive to your feelings and what you're going through. I just wish we could smack people on the head and make them "get it". Life would be so much easier. Hope you feel better soon, major hugs.