Monday, August 17, 2009

coping

I'm finally getting around to writing about my support group meeting. But the group has actually been more helpful SINCE the meeting. I've been corresponding with the group leader since the day after, and it's been so great to have another woman to talk to who has been through all of the infertility treatments and knows what I'm going through. She's such a strong person, and I can't even begin to describe what she has gone through to have a baby and in her attempts to have a second. She's given me tons of information. She has also really helped me to understand the anger issue, especially when it comes to Joey not understanding my anger. Here is one of the things that really hit home for me:

"Guys don't get the anger, at least most of them. They usually attribute it to hormones. To guys [having a baby is] like weddings. We think about this kind of thing for *years* they just seem to think about any of it when it's upon them. So for us it's the upset of a dream/plan we've had since we were kids, plus something that we thought would be as easy as deciding to have kids - plus there's something intrinsic to womanhood about it as well which just cuts to the core. For men, it's rarely that deep.They suddenly have found out that it's not going to be as easy as they had originally thought - but more upsetting is the way it's upsetting their wives. They usually have the attitude "we'll deal with it - I just don't want her to be losing it" - the infertility is usually secondary to the upset of watching their wives lose it completely. Which of course usually ticks us off because the infertility thing doesn't seems to upset them as much as it does us and we think it should. But it's kind of a good thing that it doesn't - because it means he loves you more than the idea of a bio child, which I hope is some comfort (though I'm sure it's irritating at the same time). :) One thing to remember is that the heart knows no reason. You can be logical and reasonable on one hand but feel completely differently on the other."

It's everything I've always thought but never knew how to express in words, and she said it perfectly. I bet my husband is reading this and saying, "It's about time you understand where I am getting at!"

As far as the expense of any treatments, we'll take it as it comes. It may be a long road ahead, but it's one we both want to travel.

1 comment:

Tina said...

I am so excited for you to have found the support of someone who has gone through as much as your group leader has. If she can come out sane and pregnant after all she has been through...

She is so right on about males just "not getting it." As women we do have an intrinsic desire to be a mommy.