Wednesday, August 26, 2009

time for a normal post

I guess I should update everyone on my life, too, instead of just bitching about my barren uterus all of the time. (Though that is what I set up this blog for, right?)

Things are going well at work. I’ve finished writing one textbook and now I am onto revising another. It’s not the most exciting job in the world, but I’m getting used to it.

5k training is moving along. I had to take a few days off from running due to AF’s visit, but we were back out there on Monday. If the weather cooperates, we’ll run again tonight. I’ve also been lifting some light weights and getting in the pool/on the bike when I have time. I feel more in shape now than I have been in a long time.

I’m on day two of no coffee and lots of water. Last night’s dinner wasn’t the healthiest (pizza), but at least it wasn’t greasy with a bunch of crazy toppings. Tonight we are having tacos, but with ground turkey instead of ground beef and I don’t eat the flour tortillas anyway.

Here’s a rundown of some things to come:

September 5: Trip to Gainesville for the first Gator game of the season :)

September 26-27: Blink -182 concert / mini vacation to South Florida
October 10 or 11: EPCOT Food & Wine Festival
October 12: First appointment with the RE
October 25: Race for the Cure (5k)

Monday, August 24, 2009

who knew?!

Thanks to one of my awesome former coworkers, I am now in possession of this amazing book. Let me back up first and say that I have hesitated in the past reading books about infertility. I’ve been the owner of How to Get Pregnant for a while, but never bothered looking through it. Out of sheer boredom over the weekend, I picked it up and skimmed through the first few chapters. While informative, it was mostly about the medical side of infertility: statistics, step-by-step explanations of procedures, and all about how little time I had left to conceive. Ack!

So, when I cracked open Making Babies, I didn’t know what to expect. But I was pleasantly surprised. I’m light years past some of the information (like charting your BBT), but there were a lot of tips about diet and exercise to help women (and men) of different body types with different issues with TTC. My symptoms related mostly to women with “tired” body types, endometriosis, and LPD (luteal phase defect). I was blown away to read all of the things I should be eating (and I don’t) and all of the things I do eat that aggravate my body. From here on out, I plan to:
  • Severely decrease my caffeine intake. I know I can do it, because I did when we first started TTC. This will mostly involved drinking water or juice on the way to work instead of coffee.
  • Limit my alcohol consumption. I’m a beer/wine girl (which isn’t terribly bad), and I only drink on Friday and Saturday nights. But I’m known to participate in a round of shots here and there. From this point on, no more hard liquor.
  • Say good-bye to cheese and milk. Well, maybe not entirely . . . but I will try not to eat cheese with every meal, and I will also limit myself to a glass of milk every other day.
  • Make whole grain bread my #1 choice. Really, I should have made this switch a long time ago, but I just LOVE white bread.
  • Drink more water. At this point, I would say I drink an average of three 8 oz. glasses of water per day. By replacing my morning coffee with water and drinking water with dinner instead of milk, I hope to double that number, or at least come close.
  • Eat less “processed” foods. I’m definitely NOT a fast-food lover (although I do enjoy an occasional trip to Chick-fil-a or Moe’s), and my mom uses fresh foods to cook dinner, so this shouldn’t be too big of an obstacle. Replacing my potato chips at lunch with veggies and dip should do the trick.
Those are some pretty big goals, but I think I can do it. Of course I am going to continue taking my prenatal vitamins and exercising (though no more running during AF). Hopefully these are steps in the right direction toward a better me . . . and a mini me! :)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

i am a cranky bitch today.

That's right, I said it. I'm also on my FOURTH super-duper-extra-long pad, which I've combined with a tampon so that, hopefully, I don't have to be in the bathroom again for another hour or so. During my lunch hour, I was tempted to buy Depends and just call it a day. Because seriously, tampons on their own are a waste of my time. They have about a 30 minute lifespan. I might as well just throw it right back in the toilet as soon as I open it.

Either the cyst is back, or Aunt Flow has just decided to make my upcoming weekend a living hell.

cycle #16

And here we are, 16 cycles later. AF announced her arrival a few days ago when I started spotting, but she came in full force last night/early this morning.

Everything in my body is telling me that I have another cyst. The number of days I spot before my period is growing (again), the consistency and color of the bleeding is the same, and I spent most of yesterday morning upchucking dinner from the night before.

I don't think I've ever been so excited at the prospect of going back to the doctor. 53 days until my first appointment with the RE. It seems like a lifetime away.

Monday, August 17, 2009


I'm finally getting around to writing about my support group meeting. But the group has actually been more helpful SINCE the meeting. I've been corresponding with the group leader since the day after, and it's been so great to have another woman to talk to who has been through all of the infertility treatments and knows what I'm going through. She's such a strong person, and I can't even begin to describe what she has gone through to have a baby and in her attempts to have a second. She's given me tons of information. She has also really helped me to understand the anger issue, especially when it comes to Joey not understanding my anger. Here is one of the things that really hit home for me:

"Guys don't get the anger, at least most of them. They usually attribute it to hormones. To guys [having a baby is] like weddings. We think about this kind of thing for *years* they just seem to think about any of it when it's upon them. So for us it's the upset of a dream/plan we've had since we were kids, plus something that we thought would be as easy as deciding to have kids - plus there's something intrinsic to womanhood about it as well which just cuts to the core. For men, it's rarely that deep.They suddenly have found out that it's not going to be as easy as they had originally thought - but more upsetting is the way it's upsetting their wives. They usually have the attitude "we'll deal with it - I just don't want her to be losing it" - the infertility is usually secondary to the upset of watching their wives lose it completely. Which of course usually ticks us off because the infertility thing doesn't seems to upset them as much as it does us and we think it should. But it's kind of a good thing that it doesn't - because it means he loves you more than the idea of a bio child, which I hope is some comfort (though I'm sure it's irritating at the same time). :) One thing to remember is that the heart knows no reason. You can be logical and reasonable on one hand but feel completely differently on the other."

It's everything I've always thought but never knew how to express in words, and she said it perfectly. I bet my husband is reading this and saying, "It's about time you understand where I am getting at!"

As far as the expense of any treatments, we'll take it as it comes. It may be a long road ahead, but it's one we both want to travel.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


My emotions are running high today. This is partially because I went to my first support group meeting last night. And partially because I just found out that my new insurance does not cover fertility treatments.

I left a job that covers up to $20,000 a year worth of infertility treatments to come to a job that doesn't cover jack shit.

Friday, August 7, 2009

adoption seminar

I think I posted a couple of weeks ago that I'm going to my first infertility support group meeting this coming week (on Tuesday, August 11), which I found through joining RESOLVE. They meet once every other month, which is great for me. It means that I won't be entirely overwhelmed and emotionally drained every other week, or however often other groups meet, but I'll also won't be going too long without that extra support.

Even though it's two months away, I've already RSVPed yes to October's meeting, which just so happens to be their yearly adoption seminar. Representatives from domestic, international, and foster-to-adopt programs will be there to talk about the processes and costs of adopting. At this point, I don't have strong feelings toward adoption, but I thought I would check it out anyway. It's a great opportunity for me to get educated, and who knows . . . I might feel differently in the future.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

mixed emotions

This has been a week of mixed emotions. Although two of my friends received some horrible SA results for their husbands, one of my blog buddies, Tina, got her BFP. Get it, girl!

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating as we speak. If my instincts are right, then I'll have ovulated (I think!) two months in a row. Is it a coincidence that I started ovulating again when I moved back to Florida and took a less stressful job? Maybe. Maybe not.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

looking ahead

We're started to receive our insurance cards from my new employer. Of course, we already have our new dental and eye cards, but not our medical. And I can't make my doctor's appointment until I have my new insurance card. Hopefully it will arrive this week and I will still be able to get an appointment with the doctor I want to see.

These days, I'm trying to focus my attention (as much as possible) on non-TTC things. The timeline of things to come and the time we've spent trying to have a baby depresses me. So I'm training for a 5k. It's not a competitive race, but one for charity--which is great, considering I've never run a 5k before. Joey starts school again this month, and I'm looking forward to being there for some late-night study sessions. What else am I looking forward to? A weekend getaway in September to West Palm Beach (a belated birthday gift for Joey), the Epcot Food and Wine Festival and my 5k in October.