Wednesday, November 12, 2008

welcome!

Wow, a blog. Let's hope I stick with this one. I had one in high school and college, then got rid of it. I tried to resurrect it during my wedding planning days, but that was a bust. Truthfully, when you're planning a wedding, you don't have as much time to write about it as you'd think.

Well, here I am. I thought I would start a blog after Joey and I got pregnant so people could read about our pregnancy adventures--since most of of our friends and family live so far away. And six months/cycles later, still no baby.


We've always known we wanted to have kids as soon as possible, so we began trying right after the wedding. We thought things would happen right away, but they didn't. Month 1 went by. Then 2. Then 3. Now we are at month 6, about to hit month 7 this weekend if my home pregnancy test reads right. Months 3 and 4 were the worst. In August, I'm pretty sure I had a chemical pregnancy. By September, I was completely depressed. Now, I'm simply level. I don't cry anymore when I get my period or get negatives on pregnancy tests. My goal now is to just take it as it comes. It doesn't mean I don't think about it, but I don't let it run my life anymore. Regardless, it's still there and it's still an obstacle we've yet to overcome.

Two weeks ago was my first doctor's appointment regarding my fertility with my general practitioner. I didn't go to my OB/GYN. I had only seen her once and I wasn't thrilled. She worked in a women's clinic (a.k.a. "baby factory") and she spent the majority of the time trying to convince me to get the HPV vaccine. Ummmm, hello? I'm married, therefore I don't have the risk of contracting an STD. Ugh. How annoying. Not to mention that she looked like she was my age. I don't want an old lady, but I certainly want someone with experience. But I digress.

My GP was fabulous. She didn't make me feel like an idiot for coming in during cycle #6. She sat and listened to my concerns and reviewed my blood work and previous medical records: no abnormal paps, no endo, no history of anything that would prevent me from being pregnant. She recommending I keep charting and also asked me to start using ovulation predictor kits, even though she said our "timing" looked great. Most importantly, she said she would not make me wait a year or year and a half to begin testing and/or refer me to an RE. She said if I'm not pregnant by the end of January, we'll get to work trying to solve whatever the issue is. She understands. It took her two and a half years to get pregnant with her first child, and no doctor would see her until 18 months. She said to me as I was leaving, "I don't want you to go through the same things I did to get help."

I feel really grateful right now to have her, my husband, and a few close friends on my side. There aren't many people we feel comfortable talking to about this, especially not family. Not only do we not want the criticism, but we don't want the pressure. It's been hard on both of us. We have a lot of fears. As I said before, we thought, "If we want a baby, we'll have one!" But it turns out things don't work that way.

I think I've written enough randomness for one night.

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